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Primordials Commentary

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5/8/2013 16:38:22   
Cherri Rosaria
Member

Here is the commentary corner (not sure if anything is missing, its my first time on this part of the forums)
Primordials Story
Post #: 1
5/8/2013 17:06:10   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

The Warlic told his hand pulled himself up using the war engine behind him for support.

What are you trying to say here?

quote:

“You have my thanks<> Artix,” answered Warlic as he patted the dirt off his sleeves and then returned his eyes to the portal, “but I’m afraid we are too late.”

,

You mention "After Chaos", I am not familiar with that reading and I doubt most others would be. What is exactly is that about?

I think the story is good for the most part, but I'd break the wall of text into some smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read. The conversations too could do with a bit space in between to make them stand out.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
5/8/2013 18:05:09   
Cherri Rosaria
Member

Oh sorry those were typos hehe... I took your advice about the spacing and did my best to split it up.
As for what its about well, I actually typed up a short overview, but forgot to post it. Basically its about a future where despite the fall of chaos, instability continued due to the excessive use of magic to fight, rebuild, and restore order to the world. The Primordials are the consequences for this excess use and forced a mass exodus from lore into another universe. The Primordials are monsters I thought up a while back for my gallery on the forums. I'll try to get the overview up to clear up some of the confusions sorry >//U//< (Sorry I'm new to writing fanfic :P )
Post #: 3
5/9/2013 15:17:31   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 While I didn't find any typos, I am left with a couple of questions regarding the setting.

1. What is this "Chaos"? Is this only mentioned in your work "After Chaos" or will you be explaining that into greater detail?

2. Which of the two games you stated you are referring to are you using for the Elemental Orbs in your story?

3. Which of the two games you stated you are referring to are you using for the Elemental Lords in your story?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 4
5/26/2013 17:32:30   
Cherri Rosaria
Member

Anywho here is my first chapter! I'm starting to realize I might be deviating from the original plan... The original story was to take place after AQW when Drakath and his Chaos era are defeated, then make references to the Original AQ and later MechQuest. Though it seems I want to move the story in different direction perhaps even devoid of the AE universe. Only now I'm starting to think maybe I should have listed this a "Creative Works" other than AE... Not sure how to move or delete the story from where it is now if I want to but.. if an Archknight can help me out that would be super. ^_^ Though I would still like to know what you think of the first Eliza's chapter, I want to make a first chapter for each of the main characters to get the characterization and background out of the way early.
Post #: 5
5/27/2013 15:38:29   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Cherri Rosaria: To have your thread moved to "Creative Works" you will have to remove any references to the AE-multiverse beforehand.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 6
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