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RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary

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7/7/2013 2:09:57   
0Neo
Member

@battlemaster25 I really like the way you're story is unfolding, the relationship between your characters seems to be an entertaining sub-plot
@ss2195 your story is just amazing. One can imagine all of the battle scenes as you describe them and it simply is an amazing feeling. Keep up the good and amusing job

I'm updating my war story, a whole filler chapter really that I made because I felt like it. Tell me what you think of 0Neo's battle with the monochrome devil
AQ  Post #: 251
7/7/2013 3:04:26   
kors
Member

Heh... this chapter is definitely going to be interesting...

I have come back to writing my story since I have made little progress on my other one, so meh. Also spoilers!
quote:

Xov watched the ensuing chaos with increasing interest. The fire in the skies was an entertaining show, much like any of this world's pointless wars. "Just who is the traitor? He deserves a quick cleansing of those horrid colors and become one of the many. Perhaps I will cleanse him myself," the dull queen thought giddily to herself. If the generator for Aerodu was damaged or better yet destroyed they could invade now and take down the Clans one by one, each falling alone and broken.

Paxus tipped over further than he normally did. He only barely regained balance in time to save himself. Those who had only begun to gather at the island were shocked to see the island's ideal of balance and leadership nearly lose what he strives for. They turned as he did, to northwest.

A glare was Glaciar's only response, a cold and hurt glare that told Hikari he had crossed the line. Hikari moved his eyes away from the glare and saw why he crossed the line. Virtually everyone was staring at the young wizard. Some had a look of despair, others were in much the same state as Hikari. Even the Clan leaders had the look of a fruitless effort coming to its end.

"I am leaving," 0Neo said with disgust as he turned around, "I have a good guess as to where the Chosen is right now, perhaps if he is here...." Before anyone could stop him he had claimed a boat and began paddling to sea.

A sudden speck of movement in the corner of his eye was all it took to distract him. Golden scales glittered as the injured Dragon moved out of the wreckage. “Remind me never to come anywhere near this Clan again,” he said weakly. Ligeye was a mangled mess, his wings torn, his scales cut in many different places, his horns chipped and broken, several pieces of shrapnel still stuck out of his body. Cid and the others gasped at the Dragon, and then they saw one of their own.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 252
7/7/2013 3:51:26   
dragonfire1423
Member

@0Neo: *slow clap* See~? How hard is it to take my advice once in a while?

I enjoyed the chapter as a whole, as I needed to get caught up... Friggin' me and my hiatuses, A.K.A. I was doing other stuff... (-_-)

I'm pleasantly surprised to see that you all are not falling into the trap of making your own OC's the best. The main focus, of course, but not the best. Back at my school, you couldn't walk down a hallway without someone bragging about something that verbally shouldn't be possible to brag about.

EDIT: Kicked off my stay back on the forums with a STORY AND JOURNAL UPDATE! Two entries, and one chapter.
<(^w^<) \(^w^)/ (>^w^)>

< Message edited by dragonfire1423 -- 7/7/2013 20:27:25 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 253
7/7/2013 7:56:05   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo I like that you're getting your "Heart" and "Soul" into your war story. It gives a different aspect to your story, as well as a completely different side to your character that we haven't seen before. Perhaps you could write a Bio of your character because I would really enjoy reading more about 0Neo :D

@kors Yay you're going to add Hikari!! :P I've been reading your story (don't know if I mentioned that before, but everyone can assume that I've been reading their war story XD). I love your little "spoilers", it's like seeing the preview of the next episode of a TV show, or a sneak peek at the first chapter of a new book!

@dragonfire1423 Your "entries" system is unique in the forums here and it gives an insight into the lives of those who are not "main characters" as such. Which is something of importance because there are more civilians than warriors/ wizards on Lore.
AQ  Post #: 254
7/7/2013 12:56:11   
0Neo
Member

@dragonfire1423 ha, I think you could see the little reference I did there. We don't really agree and it's true that 0Neo and Salem can't stand each other but they're rivals and we are friends....hope I gave Salem a proper reason to fight, I read he defends those that are innocent of any crime so I tried to make something similar. Good that you got out of your mental block, I'm enjoying your story as well as the notes, such a way to post is unique I think and your character is pretty impressive. Know what creeps me out? the Salem you described in the RP academy is awfully similar to my favorite creation....we really are alike, I think

@tommy2468 SPOILER!! (don't know how to make spoiler tags, although I know you'll read them anyway) the sudden words that appear in 0Neo's mind are my own. 0Neo's personality in fact is a mixture between mine and the personality of my favorite character creation (that I'll post in the RP academy later) thus his complex between unity and darkness. Even if I would like to write a bio with that perspective, it's against the rules to post a character based on your AQ character.....by the way, I'm afraid the character you posted in the RP academy won't be accepted since we can all tell it's your AQ character, sorry

Could someone help me? I don't know how to measure using inches,yards, pounds and those measurements. If any of you could tell me how would I post a height of 171 centimeters and a weight of 65 kilograms I would appreciate it.

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 7/7/2013 13:04:35 >
AQ  Post #: 255
7/7/2013 16:26:59   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo Ahh I see XD I'll leave it there for now, but you're right and it probably won't be accepted. Oh well, I'll go and think up another character :P

171cm = 5 feet 7 inches
65kg = 10 stone 3 pounds

If you have difficult just google "cm to feet" and "kg to pounds"
AQ  Post #: 256
7/7/2013 20:27:15   
dragonfire1423
Member

@0Neo & Tommy: I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story so far! I'm enjoying yours as well, and I hope to see more!

@Tommy: Fwats a stone, when talking about weight? I just googled it and it came to 143 pounds, and I can't find anything on stones. NVM, found it, though I've never heard of it before now... Huh, the more you know...

< Message edited by dragonfire1423 -- 7/8/2013 20:14:25 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 257
7/7/2013 20:54:37   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 Thank you, I''ll Google it to learn exactly how to do that when I need those measurements again. I'm with Salem here too, never heard of "stones" used as a weight measurement before...
AQ  Post #: 258
7/8/2013 1:10:39   
hict98
Member

quote:

original: Dragonfire1423

Hmm... I think I'd like to take a break and read some... YOU HEAR THAT AFK PEOPLE!? MAKE MOAR CHAPS! (╯°□°）╯ ┻━┻


Tomorrow I promise. Along with my reviews as well. I just got back from my trip and am very tired so I'm going to bed now, but I promise you guys tomorrow.
Oh and a spoiler for my new chapter. This like my last spoiler is a major one and I advise you not to read it unless you want it to be ruined.
spoiler:

Someone gets put in a coma and another gets captured


@battlemaster And the reinforcements have come. I liked the new chapter and how the army just destroyed the truphma and at the end Storm and Kierra just kind of ignored that a huge battle just took place and started making small talk. It made me laugh.

< Message edited by hict98 -- 7/8/2013 1:47:45 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 259
7/8/2013 1:46:59   
kors
Member

I think I will have mine out in another day if I don't go to work tomorrow(which seems likely since my boss has not told me when he will pick me up). Just putting up the finishing touches on The Effect of Voices
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 260
7/8/2013 2:21:00   
hict98
Member

Okay last review before I go to bed.
@0Neo First of all you had a few typos, but I'm too lazy to point them out. Maybe if you read through your own story after and look through this you can find them, but I know from personal expirience it is hard to find typos in your own work. If you want I will point them out to you, but just later as I am very tired now. I don't know why I'm still awake, but I'm getting off topic. Time for your review. The chapter was excellent. You showed all the personal fights that your character was having in an amazing way and I liked how you described the fight. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read your knew chapter.
AQ AQW  Post #: 261
7/8/2013 7:53:44   
darksaber22
Member

@tommy well there was a lot of build up in this chapter so that is a good thing because it really tells you that something big was about to happen although the idea of Adrian being afraid of being rejected i didn't like that much but apart from that great chapter and lots of build up

< Message edited by darksaber22 -- 7/8/2013 9:05:00 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 262
7/8/2013 14:47:43   
tommy2468
Member

@darksaber22 Yeah I had originally started the chapter writing from Adrian's perspective and I think that might have been for one of the other characters. But then I chose to do it from Salem's perspective because he is he team heading to Geoto, which is the closest destination. I might have left that bit in not realizing :L Sorry about that, I think your original fear was going to be something along the lines of failing the Darkness, or not being able to reach your final destination.

@dragonfire1423 and 0Neo It's a UK measurement for weight XD Probably never found its way over to the USA :P
AQ  Post #: 263
7/8/2013 14:53:30   
darksaber22
Member

@tommy oh well that is ok then that makes sense
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 264
7/8/2013 14:54:34   
tommy2468
Member

I meant to change it, but seeing as most of the readers of the war story are already here and I've already posted the war story; it would be pointless to go back and change it now :L

I wouldn't expect anyone to go and read all of that again anyway XD
AQ  Post #: 265
7/8/2013 15:17:22   
kors
Member

Looks like I did it again! This Part apparently is about a fourth of the whole story so far, at 2881 words of 10051 so far. But a lot happens here, including a hint of what is to come in another story of mine that I have been neglecting for a while now... and once again Kor gets into a fight that is interrupted(I just can't seem to write a battle for him that he does not clearly win so far... is that bad?)

0Neo and Hikari Yume make their appearance and it becomes clear that the timeline has drifted significantly from what it originally was...
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 266
7/8/2013 15:41:49   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 don't underestimate the power of boredom....I assure you we would read the whole thing again at a given time if you decided to change it.

I find it intriguing you could guess what I truly fear and the way you described it although it's not like that exactly.....the complex I portray using 0Neo in my story resembles mine, specifically speaking of the phrase "a shaded soul and an abyssal heart" I made him say. I would be really impressed if you or anyone could figure out what that means.

Regarding your chapter, you again portray relationships between such group of discord for the cause of unity and the teasers you've been giving only mean the actual battle will be one to remember. I'm not so sure @dragonfire1423 will be pleased with your description of Salem, he's a lone character with no real care for other's well-being

A great chapter anyway

@kors I just read your chapter and I have to say it was an amazing preview. You used and improved the cut scene we have in-game along your own story to build tension in more than one scenarios, truly impressive. Yours is a story we all should be eager to read. Great job

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 7/8/2013 15:56:44 >
AQ  Post #: 267
7/8/2013 15:54:58   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo I am really just using the characters as I please now XD So the original ideas behind them have no altered to suit my own needs. I am using the original information their creator's have provided as... guidelines really. 0Neo has been changed from a joking yet serious nocturnal individual who preferred his own clan, to a man who has seen unity and wants to fight for it.
Salem had entered as a lone character and he still is sort of. If you are referring to the fact that he almost cried at Popinloopy's voice, then I will have to remind you that he DID just walk through a camp full of Truphma. If that isn't enough to make someone feel relieved for a companion, then I don't know what is XD

The idea of discord is almost an imaginary line, if you get what I mean. Unity binds them together and their cause is something that they will all fight together for. They would leave for no reason. The idea that each person is ready to leave out of dislike is an illusion (the amount of times I've had to type that -_-).
So although it seems to be a group of discord, they work together very well and if they had all met in different circumstances then they would likely all be very good friends. But the seriousness of the situation demands that they do not get to close to one another out of fear of death. This does not mean that they cannot build relationships with the others, but it does mean that they have varying ideas on how they should progress with people that could very likely die in the war.


@kors Oh and I really liked your chapter. It's moving quite fast now and I am still in love with the whole timeline idea And I have to say that I'm glad someone has changed Hikari Yume a bit to suit their own needs. An emotional HY is something that hasn't been seen and I hope you feel free to make use of him as you see fit :P

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/8/2013 15:56:41 >
AQ  Post #: 268
7/8/2013 16:05:22   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 I've always preferred to use characters and portray them the way their creators wanted but your idea of giving characters a different personality is a good one indeed. I was just guessing after all, I cannot guess what someone like @dragonfire1423 might say to what you did......you know him too, totally random

I know they're fighting for a common cause and that they might be friends in different circumstances.....I was just giving an opinion based on stereotypical first impressions just like 0Neo did at first in your war story for the sake of RPing kind-of but I do think there's nothing wrong with forming relationships with others, especially in a state of war. I just get too carried away on different ideals sometimes that's all
AQ  Post #: 269
7/8/2013 16:54:15   
hict98
Member

@SS Every time I read a new of yours I think it can't get any better or funnier than this and every time you prove me wrong. Keep up the good work man. Also I'm loving all the references.
@Tommy I finally see what all the hype was about for your story. This, well it's art expressed in words. Also you somehow managed to portray my character better than I could. The way you showed just how "well" the members of different clans work together. This chapter is just perfection.
@Kors Ooh a mystery. I love a good mystery. Wait Xov watches soap operas?!? Who knew? Well all I have to say is that why end it with a cliff hanger? Ugh oh well I can't wait to see the next chapter. Hopefully you will reveal who is behind the explosion then.
AQ AQW  Post #: 270
7/8/2013 17:33:28   
kors
Member

@Tommy: I figure that some who went through that sort of trauma would get emotional when something quite close to what happened to cause their trauma, not once, not twice, but three times in their life. Just finished reading your latest chapter, definitely getting fairly interesting. But I can only see disaster caused by Kor and Hikari being on the same team...
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 271
7/8/2013 17:55:41   
hict98
Member

Hey guys I'm writing my fourth chapter and need some more characters. If you want to be in it and aren't already then pm me answering the following things.
Character Name:
Character weapon:
Character clan:
Character Description:
AQ AQW  Post #: 272
7/8/2013 20:14:10   
dragonfire1423
Member

@kor: Disaster is to follow when ANY of us are on the same team (^-^)

@Tommy & 0Neo: I quite enjoyed that last chapter! I'm seeing Salem portrayed as a more emotional version of the one I wrote, which is great! I gave Tommy permission to do what he pleases to the character when I said he could use it, and I intend for it to stay that way. I see that the Salem in this story is more attached to people than in mine. HE knows more about the people in his group than they know about themselves, and thus he feels closer to them than regular people. If Salem didn't read what was in the groups hearts, then he most likely couldn't care less for them. It's historically hard to feel sympathy/empathy for those you don't know/ don't care about.

@Hict: You can use Salem if you want \(^w^)/
His info is in here, though you need only care about the skill, which are his weapons, and he is in no particular clan.

Geez, now I feel bad for making such an in-depth character that I can't explain without links (x-x)

< Message edited by dragonfire1423 -- 7/8/2013 20:17:04 >

_____________________________

"And remember: RealityIsAnIllusionTheUniverseIsAHologramBuyGold- BYEEEE!"
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 273
7/8/2013 23:44:15   
popinloopy
Member

@tommy
This is going to be interesting. I look forward to seeing how Hikari Yume and Kor get along... Also, if I recall correctly, you hinted at Seth and Popinloopy having some issues with each other. The groups were just made to be destroyed at this point. I cannot wait to see what happens next.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 274
7/9/2013 0:15:04   
hict98
Member

@Dragonfire1423 I'm just going to put Salem in Nautica for the sake of the story. Is that okay with you. If not then I won't put him in a clan, but it would really help with the story if he was in Nautica.
AQ AQW  Post #: 275
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