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RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary

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8/7/2013 0:30:20   
flashbang
Member

... Really Neo? Your not an assassin, your a scribe! More reason to destroy you.


Made an edit to my story.

< Message edited by flashbang -- 8/7/2013 0:39:10 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 551
8/7/2013 0:38:43   
0Neo
Member

@Above oh yes I might be a scribe flashbang. I have always found strength in the pencil, imagination and a LOT of details. Perhaps I am no good in most competitions but my characters are up for anything.......If you digress from 0Neo's worth as an assassin, wait until you meet Shado *evil smirk*
AQ  Post #: 552
8/7/2013 0:41:17   
flashbang
Member

*slaps Neo* No smirking. I realized that I made a mistake in a title. I'll fix it tomorrow.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 553
8/7/2013 0:43:53   
0Neo
Member

*turns flashbang into a moglin and punts it into a flock of flesh-eating undead cute sheep* If this is how you're going to play......Let the game commence
AQ  Post #: 554
8/7/2013 0:45:17   
flashbang
Member

This... Is gonna be a fun fight, but tomorrow we fight.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 555
8/7/2013 0:51:45   
0Neo
Member

@flashbang perhaps. I'll be busy tomorrow for the most part of the day......*yawn* Guess I'll go to bed when I'm done with the interlogue of my story.
AQ  Post #: 556
8/7/2013 1:07:41   
flashbang
Member

So much catching up to do.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 557
8/7/2013 10:58:40   
0Neo
Member

Finally! posted my seventh chapter with a small teaser for you all! Hope you guys have some spare time....This is the longest chapter written so far among all of our war stories apparently.

What do you guys think?
AQ  Post #: 558
8/7/2013 14:56:40   
flashbang
Member

I used Ctrl + f and 0Neo is on that page, 523 times. Wut?


quote:

<Saw that popin? I can also use some magic woo!>


You mean too, right?

quote:

<I know...many said so although they don't ever life long enough afterwards


I believe you mean live.


quote:

child who seemed to be an elf who was fond of green clothes and swords that was like me


Salem met Link!?!?

If Wyrm meets Shado, then you know what's gonna happen right Neo? Epic fight that is epic.

< Message edited by flashbang -- 8/7/2013 15:53:49 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 559
8/7/2013 15:59:55   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo After wading through the multitude of spelling and grammar mistakes I have to say that that was definitely your best chapter yet

I am glad you are bringing your soul into it now (which you had mentioned earlier) and if this alternate 0Neo is able to help you then who knows where 0Neo's power will end?
It was also cool to get to find out a little about 0Neo's beginnings, growing up in Krovesport which must have given him his distrustful nature and agile physique (perhaps to prevent the odd cut-throat)

The battle scene you had described on the Glacier had me on the edge of my seat in the expectation of death and blood spill. I will say that my anxiety took over a little but I'm very glad there were no deaths (especially when we have the true war tomorrow :O)

Salem seems to have grown in power from your last chapter with him. If he were to have used his Monochrome Devil mode against 0Neo I'm not sure whether 0Neo would have been able to save himself. But then again in the process Salem seems to lose all control to which 0Neo may have been able to take advantage of... Who's to say who would or would not win in these kind of situations. I would say that (from my own point of view) that Salem is more powerful Hikari Yume (who might only be able to defeat him if he prevented Salem from getting close, but with such a fast character it is difficult to judge).

I was anticipating the part with Seth and I was sad that his clan member died. He was cool, albeit inexperienced. But I would have liked to see him continue on. I suppose this gives us our first taste of bloodshed in your chapter :P

Then when I got to the part with HY I was shocked! Did not have any idea where you were going to be going with your story at that point and then the revelation at the end completely took me by surprise. I can't wait to see what you do with HY's parents in your later chapter :D

Overall a spectacular chapter and definitely your best chapter to date :)
AQ  Post #: 560
8/7/2013 16:27:24   
hict98
Member

@Flashbang Your name is on there 5 times. Oh and guys sorry I didn't upload my next chapter, but my computer died before I got a chance to save my work so now I have to restart it completely. It is a bit disheartening, but I will not let that put me down. I shall just rewrite it.
AQ AQW  Post #: 561
8/7/2013 17:42:39   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 Thank for your positive review. I really wanted to do something to impress.

Shado really isn't 0Neo's alternate. As the other guy explained (I haven't named him yet) they all are "servants" of 0Neo's true alternate (me)

I did wanted to give a short insight on 0Neo's life before he became who he is now.
I didn't kill anyone this time because I wanted the clans to be as powerful as they could be to fight the actual war (the same reason I gave everyone their top powers too).
Salem really didn't become more powerful....He was at his best already (I had an idea to give him a last powerful skill but it didn't suit him at all so I didn't include it) and you're right...If Salem had being serious that day, 0Neo's would've died without a doubt.
I did what I did to Seth's partner for the sake of the Seth's last skill and because I thought my story was too sweet...needed to kill someone.
I'm glad you responded that way to Hikari's experience and trust me, I have an idea to make him ridiculously powerful afterwards (Besides, I made that small chapter for you so I'm glad you responded this way :) ) Thank you again for saying that, I appreciate it.

@flashbang The first one was intentional, I wanted to make wyrm the cool guy who could joke around despite fighting for his life. The second one is a typo and I'll correct it and yeah, Salem met link once :P

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 8/7/2013 19:18:44 >
AQ  Post #: 562
8/7/2013 18:01:07   
flashbang
Member

Well, I have a strong respect for Salem now.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 563
8/7/2013 22:59:15   
hict98
Member

Okay guys my new chapter is up. Chapter 7: The Capture, the Escape, and the Surprise. A 3,000 word chapter that I had to write twice because I unfortunately. Tell me what you guys think.
@0Neo Since I had been busy with writing my story, I never got a chance to read your new chapter, but you can be expecting a review soon. Right after I make dinner and eat actually.

Oh and on a side note, I just did a head count because I got bored and found out that I apparently have killed 9 characters, put one in a coma, had one captured who still hasn't come back, but will on the post war chapters, and only have let five live on the edge of death.

_____________________________
AQ AQW  Post #: 564
8/8/2013 0:03:33   
0Neo
Member

@hict98 first things first, I advice you to change the part were you hint strong language. I have nothing against it but the forums' rules state that even hinting this kind of thing can give you a lot of troubles O_O

EDIT: I read your whole chapter and I liked the insight into hict's life.
spoiler:

He was a god, huh? That explains why he is so OPed
And the choice you fool the reader into believing is a good addition. I wasn't expecting the end...

spoiler:

Just what we needed, a truly immortal hict who defines the word "overpowered". You would be banned from an RP forum with a character like that >_> Why don't we leave all the fighting to you? You seem strong enough now to fight an entire planet by yourself :P


It is good overall and now I can understand why you killed so many characters before

spoiler:

With hict being that strong, who needs them anyway?


< Message edited by 0Neo -- 8/8/2013 0:16:57 >
AQ  Post #: 565
8/8/2013 0:30:26   
Seth Hydra
How We Roll Winner
Nov14


 @Hict: I really LOLd at some of the instances! Great story, though kinda sad about Martin. One queation, can I kill Martin too?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 566
8/8/2013 1:05:35   
hict98
Member

@ss2195 Of course. I have that about giving him a different bactstory where he is only a normal adventurer that Hict decided to take under his wing. You have complete creative liberty here.

@0Neo Okay I'll change that immediately then. Thank you for the review. Oh and of course that is why he is OP. Do you honestly think I would just make that OP of a character with absolutely no justification at all? Come on now. Give me more credit then than.
Also yeah when you know when you played rock, paper, scissors with a friend and he says that he uses gun and that gun beats all. Well in this case, I guess I'm that kid.
Now time for spoilers!!!
spoiler:

First off, Hict can still be killed in the same way that he could be before. However, the weapon that could kill him before is just now harder to actually harness it as a weapon. That and before you can even harness it, you would have to be able to take it from him and break open the case it is in.
Secondly, yes he can use immense amounts of power and mana at any given moment and has infinite mana now that he is the God of magic, but just remember that with all great power comes great responsibility.


edit: Okay I changed it. I'm just wondering if anyone gets the reference.


< Message edited by hict98 -- 8/8/2013 1:14:40 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 567
8/8/2013 1:29:17   
Seth Hydra
How We Roll Winner
Nov14


 So, chuck hict or hict norris?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 568
8/8/2013 1:35:37   
hict98
Member

Hmm. I like Hict Norris. It just seems to flow better to me then Chuck Hict.

edit: @0Neo First, corrections.
quote:

<It must have been seeing it. It might be my imagination for all I know.....I'm sure I pursued a ghost that day but to think it was->

I believe you mean "I"

quote:

<Just look outside towards the east! We’re swarmed by dull animals and chimeras of lions and snakes!>

East should be capitilized.
Well since this is dialogue, you can have it be grammatically incorrect with it being okay, but you still made a typo here. You have two options for this
1. have it be a list like this- "animals, chimeras, lions, and snakes and a hybrid of a lion and snake"
2. or have it as- "animals and chimeras and lions and snakes a hybrid of a lion and snake"
Oh and since you probably meant ramleons when you talked about lions and snakes so one way you could explain this is by saying a hybrid of a lion and snake.

quote:

<I SAID GET IN THE BAG!>

Fred yelled.


There is nothing wrong with this one. I just wanted to say that I loved this part of the story as it made me laugh way more than it should. I blame lack of sleep brain.

quote:

Seth said as he kicked the door open, still carrying the corpse of his fallen friend. Seth walked through the corridors that leaded to the outside as Igneox's message echoed throughout the volcano:

*lead

There were much more, but I just don't feel like listing them all.

Now as for the story itself, it was phenomenal. I mean you truly have bested yourself here. This is without a doubt your best chapter yet. For every second of it, I was on the edge of my seat. There was absolutely no part where you dragged on or it seemed too slow. I now understand why this chapter had to be so long. I mean with the extremely exciting fight near Glacius, to telling me some fascinating ideas of the multi universe theory and about all the analogs in each of these universes and how 0Neo is a different case from all the others. Then you go to an exciting fight in Igneus, Seth's transformation, and so much more. What I'm trying to say is you did an excellent job and this is honestly the best chapter I have read out of all these stories. I would tell you my favorite part, but I can't because every part was great. I hope the next chapter is like this as well, although that would be very hard because of how high you set the bar with this chapter.


< Message edited by hict98 -- 8/8/2013 4:42:54 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 569
8/8/2013 2:54:33   
battlemaster25
Member

My Epilogue has just been posted. Anyone up for a cheesy ending? Because I am!
AQ  Post #: 570
8/8/2013 4:50:27   
hict98
Member

@Battlemaster Well after everything else, cheesy is a nice change of pace. I liked the love story ending. Thank you for the happy ending because after reading everything else, it is exactly what I needed. It was a good ending for your story.
AQ AQW  Post #: 571
8/8/2013 4:58:07   
tommy2468
Member

@Hict An awesome chapter once again giving us a much better insight into Hict the Immortals life. Wouldn't have guessed he was a god but it does actually make sense. If you were ever to write another story I would love to read one about this other universe and Hict's life there


@battlemaster If that is definitely the end of your story then it was a really nice one. I think we were all waiting for those two to get together :)



Also don't forget everyone to PM me about your choice of who should live.
Hikari Yume or Adrian.
I need a few more votes before I can begin writing again
AQ  Post #: 572
8/8/2013 5:04:20   
hict98
Member

Thanks tommy and you know, I've been wanting to write one for a while; however I have never gotten around to it. I mean I just now got into writing and won't be able to do too much more writing once school uni starts in 2.5 weeks. I might just start it though and update it when I have some free time during school.
AQ AQW  Post #: 573
8/8/2013 5:26:38   
tommy2468
Member

You wouldn't really have any obligation to get it up any time soon :P You could work on it for like a year and then post it XD I'm used to waiting for books and things, so waiting a year for a character description is practically nothing :D
AQ  Post #: 574
8/8/2013 9:55:18   
darksaber22
Member

hey tommy just out of curiosity how many votes are you waiting to get before you start writing the next chapter anyway?
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 575
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