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RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary

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6/25/2013 0:04:27   
popinloopy
Member

@hict
As always, sign me up!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 76
6/25/2013 0:18:38   
kors
Member

@hict: Kor would love visit another timeline, so I guess your's is next!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 77
6/25/2013 0:24:46   
hict98
Member

Okay let me see if I can get your clans from memory.
Updated List
Popinloopy- Lucian
Kor- N/A
0Neo- Nocturu
Oliver Bell- Geoto
CH4OT1C- Igneus
Mythic- Aerodu
Wyrm- Lucian
Battlemaster- ???
Muchiha- Best clan ever... I mean Aerodu. Same thing I guess.

< Message edited by hict98 -- 6/27/2013 1:41:54 >

_____________________________
AQ AQW  Post #: 78
6/25/2013 0:29:35   
0Neo
Member

I would like to participate too hict98
I'm from Nocturu
AQ  Post #: 79
6/25/2013 2:20:44   
CH4OT1C!
Member

happy to be in yours hict, but you can work out mine, so I may as well say I'm in igneus
AQ  Post #: 80
6/25/2013 2:36:50   
dragonfire1423
Member

Part one of both my stories are up!
Sadly, I don't want to misinterpret someone's OC, so I'll only be using my own, since I can live mine, but I'm crap at using others'.
Though if you need to use any, you are free to use mine ^_^

The first is a standard of mine, a journal-type story.
The second is a new one for me in the genre, but not new in the dark-as-all-heck area.

I'd enjoy any reviews! (^_^')

I'm enjoying all of the stories and poems up so far, and I hope to see (and write) more!

< Message edited by dragonfire1423 -- 6/25/2013 2:58:52 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 81
6/25/2013 9:57:09   
popinloopy
Member

@dragonfire
Spectacular. The journal was a nice idea for a story, and the second story has such a marvelous beginning. You just take out 3 Truphma nonchalantly, then return to your nap as if nothing had happened.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 82
6/25/2013 15:01:37   
kors
Member

Looks like Part III is going to be a long one. Not even a two thirds of the way done and it already has more than a third of the total page coverage and little under a third of the total word count. I admit I am going a little overboard with this one again. Lets hope the war is a big one so I can have a hope of finishing...
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 83
6/25/2013 16:41:45   
Gianna Glow
Member

Hmm, i do have to say, i'm enjoying reading the commentary in here. Good luck coming up with evil and twisted! i'm looking forward to seeing what you guys can come up with. Just remember to stay within the rules, but that just makes being creative all that much more challenging and fun! I can't wait to see the results! (and please, anything the sticks it to Xov, i'll be happy with! XD)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 84
6/25/2013 16:54:22   
dragonfire1423
Member

@kors: I'm looking forward to it!

@Gianna: And we won't let you down! Though I'm a bit sad to see mine is the first to have a lethal beginning...
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 85
6/25/2013 17:24:45   
flashbang
Member

quote:

He manages to get out of the way and just afterwards the Trumpha exploded.

hict's story is up!
@hict you put war instead of way.

< Message edited by flashbang -- 6/25/2013 17:25:01 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 86
6/25/2013 17:37:14   
hict98
Member

Pssh what are you talking about. It clearly says "way" there.

< Message edited by hict98 -- 6/25/2013 17:51:36 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 87
6/25/2013 18:09:30   
flashbang
Member

@hict suuuuure.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 88
6/25/2013 18:15:14   
hict98
Member

@Dragonfire I love how your character just wakes up, kills three trumpha, then goes back to bed as if nothing happened.
AQ AQW  Post #: 89
6/25/2013 20:19:59   
dragonfire1423
Member

Hmm... So who has yet to update? Imma wait until everyone else updates for me to... Plus I don't plan, I just write... So I gotta think of some stuff to expand on.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 90
6/25/2013 20:33:47   
hict98
Member

Well I just updated yesterday and plan on doing it again tomorrow.
AQ AQW  Post #: 91
6/25/2013 21:05:53   
kors
Member

I likely will not be able to update mine for a couple of days due to being off at work for most of the week and weekend from what it sounds like.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 92
6/25/2013 21:52:19   
0Neo
Member

I won't update mine until the war starts for real

REVIEWS:
@dragonfire1423 your journal was a creative addition and I loved the phrase you use to start your story. The way your character deals with 3 truphma like they were level 1 frogzards and go back to bed was awesome
@hict98 I like how your story promises to be action-packaged, it seems I did catch some of your personality in mine. I loved how you described me in the killing, specially the "famous assassin of Nocturu" part.....you're awesome. "Just one thing I would say to improve it and that is when you are typing the dialogue you should probably" use comas.
"Besides that I loved it" (karma text)
AQ  Post #: 93
6/25/2013 22:42:39   
hict98
Member

@0Neo When you say use comas, do you mean quotation marks?
AQ AQW  Post #: 94
6/25/2013 22:58:54   
battlemaster25
Member

Hey Hict, are you still accepting crossover characters? 'Cause if so, I'd be interested.
AQ  Post #: 95
6/25/2013 23:09:45   
hict98
Member

@Battlemaster Yes I am. I can get you into chapter two. I just need to know what you want your character name to be and what clan you want to be in. While you're here do you mind giving my story a review?

< Message edited by hict98 -- 6/25/2013 23:10:40 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 96
6/25/2013 23:22:06   
dragonfire1423
Member

Hehehe, just went back over some of the stories you guys made, and I have to say:

@Muchiha: Been forever since you updated! Get on it! Don't let the rest of us out-type you quite yet!

@Flashbang: I like how all of the characters besides me generally want to avoid conflict so far :P

@kors: I also liked how you put planning in detail, particularly not just the "attack things" part, but mainly the defending part.

@Flashbang & Kors: Between your stories, I like how it kinda portrays to me how an OC (mine) can be looked at differently by different people ^_^ Keep going guys and don't forget to flesh out all the characters, not just a couple!

@battlemaster: Nice use of the prologue , quite literally, to introduce all of the characters.

@0Neo: Interesting story so far, just that I can't really tell who is talking at a given time. I see you didn't want to run the word "said" into the ground with the first few conversations, but it was a bit difficult sometimes to keep track of things.

@hict: I see, hear, and write about death all the time, so it doesn't affect me, but judging by the forums after this was up, you obviously moved someone with Oliver's death. The only problem I can see hear is similar to 0Neo's in that it is hard to dicern the narrative from the dialogue. I'd say put an empty line between things like visual narrative, and someone's line.

EXAMPLE:
quote:

Kor: I’m sure it is just a training exercise that the members of Geoto are doing up there right? Oliver please tell me that’s what’s happening.
Oliver: I’m not so sure
Then a blast comes from the ceiling and from the dust cloud hundreds of trumpha come pouring out of the newly created hole in the ceiling.

It took me a second to see where Oliver's sentence ended and the "Then a blast" part began.

NOTE: Whenever I complain about something, and leave a block of text explaining it, chances are it's not a bad mistake, just hard for me to explain easily.

Anyways, thanks for all the support and reviews guys!
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 97
6/25/2013 23:35:03   
hict98
Member

@Dragonfire Yeah I've been told about how the dialogue is hard to read. I'm working on it now.
AQ AQW  Post #: 98
6/25/2013 23:37:30   
battlemaster25
Member

quote:

@Battlemaster Yes I am. I can get you into chapter two. I just need to know what you want your character name to be and what clan you want to be in. While you're here do you mind giving my story a review?


Storm Silverwing, in the best clan Aerodu.

Hmm. I don't do reviews very often, but let's see....

From a technical standpoint, there are quite a few spelling/grammar errors. I'm not gonna nitpick them all, but a few choice ones are "Oh good I was started to get bored here." and "Then Hict grabbed his Blade of the Immortals and began hashing and slashing away."

The actual narrative seems pretty solid, though. I don't know anything about Oliver's character, and his death still seemed sad, so good job there. The way you made it seem like Oliver was gonna be fine, after he healed from the arrow, only to have him die anyway was just cruel. By the way, this is another reason why Aerodu is better. Airship > Cave.
AQ  Post #: 99
6/25/2013 23:48:32   
dragonfire1423
Member

Yeah, I can tell what made Oliver's death sad. Just play some cathedral music over that part and imagine everyone yelling and being sad, imagination is everything while reading, but we have the benefits of YouTube ^_^
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 100
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