World Stage Discussion


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10/15/2013 13:03:44

PhantomKnight
Member

World Stage is found here. It is the first draft so there are obviously some grammatical mistakes. I would warn that it is a little on the violent side, probably not recommended for those below the age of 13. Anyways I would love to hear some thoughts on the first chapter. Also, this is a sequel to a story that I have already published. The link to the first book can be found in my signature. Feel free to share your thoughts.

< Message edited by PhantomKnight -- 10/23/2013 18:39:48 >

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1/2/2014 4:30:13

LordDarkex
Member

I like it so far ^^
Interestingly, this stands alone quite effectively thus far, despite being a sequel. Rogue, although he exists as an already established (but dead) character for those who have read the first book, also works very well as an unexplained part of Bryony's unexplained past -- for those who have not read Death Mask, of course. Probably not intended, but I thought it notable enough to point out.
Personally, I would avoid painting the Phantom in such a human light -- at least, not in the first chapter. It seems that Phantom cares still for Bryony to some extent, and humanness is not good for a psychopath like I *think* the Phantom is supposed to be. Enigmatic character suits him better for the introduction. It introduces more suspense, and provides further incentive to read on. Again, this is all my opinion.
Looking forward to the next bit (:

Post #: 2

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