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AQW Contest entry for analysis

 
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5/4/2014 0:55:52   
Gregor Eisenhorn
Member

"Totenlore
For Heroes level 15 and up
Release Date: April 25th, 2014
Character: Gregor Eisenhorn
Guild: Titan http://titan.aqlaunch.com/
12 Room Synopsis with complete Illustrations:
https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B74A1O_ltCr4OExLQlVtQ2NuYUk&usp=sharing


Overview

Earth Day had passed, our beautiful Lore was safe again from the environMENTAL threats of the “charming” CEO Totengeld and his army of employees. As Captain Lore, Artix and the Hero walked back to Yulgar’s- not a word was uttered. The moment of victory had passed with little sense of jubilance, the air seemed tellingly still and the three shared only a glance at each other to confirm what they all were thinking:

“Too easy.”

They all knew it- a monster like Totengeld couldn’t possibly be handled so easily. He was up to something, he HAD to be. Why would he go through all of that effort, billions upon billions of Lorian gold pieces and entire ecosystems exhausted to simply admit defeat?...and as they approached /battleon, the uncomfortable silence was joined by a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomachs when they saw the lone figure waiting for them, just outside of town...

Oblivion.

(continued in the “NPC” and “Cutscenes” sections)

(Optional text appears in red, I have provided one or more illustrations of each new monster. None of my stuff is animated- it only moves around at most, item and room illustrations for EVERYTHING are in the adjoining doc for ease of use.)

Name of Map

I choose to set my release in Mirror Realm and my suggested map name is totenlore.

NPC

Oblivion
Unknown Entity

...eh, Hero, *hisses* I knew this would eventually bring the likes of you. Even I am hesitant to speak such tragedy, but something has torn... nearly sundered reality itself... ...do you hear that? The cosmic wail of the horrid imbalance is audible to every creature in Lore! *winces* Something must be very wrong to have upset the the mechanisms of the universe in such a way. Go, Hero, *covers ears* use the portal to find out what is wrong with the fabric of reality! End the miserable sounds of its shredding!
<More>

<More>
I can tell without trying that someone or something isn’t respecting the boundaries between the dimensions. This can create problems that you cannot fathom, mortal. Principles of annihilation so complete that they destroy their own names. This has rendered the cosmos fevered and sick- and the infection is rapidly growing...
<More>

<More>
...Crawl in there and fix the problem before I remember to punish your intrusion, child! I will last through what is coming if it is not stopped... for I am... *dry, hot wind blows*... <<<OBLIVION>>>... *leaves wither and birds fly way*. You and your kind, however, must act….

Artix
Time-travelling Paladin

Gregor Eyes-and-Horn
Warp Creature



Monsters

Evil Good Soldier (Armored Legionnaire)
-Attacks: blast (basic)
Passive: unit cohesion (personal defense buff for each other Armored Legion monster in the room)

Evil Soldier (Armored Legion Sniper)
-Attacks: longshot (basic)
Passive: overwatch (always aggro to the hero and unlimited range within the room)

Evil Snowman Soldier (Armored Legion Standard Bearer)
-Attacks: run through (basic)
Passive: corporate standard (attack buff distributed to all Armored Legion monsters in the room)

Evil Barrier Bot (Armored Legion Inspired Captain)
-Attacks: chop (basic)
Passive: inspired (personal attack and defense increased for each other Armored Legion monster active in the room)

Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1 (Miniboss)
-Attacks: hack (basic), Painsaw, "For the Legion"
Passive: Painsaw attack places "Pain"- a DoT that reverses healing effects for its duration. "For the Legion" an AoE with a sideways screen-through illustration (provided. unanimated.) of his troops that zooms by, after which he attacks the hero with lowest hp, using "Painsaw" if cooled down.

Logis Ex Machina Right Leg
Logis Ex Machina Left Leg
-Attacks: stomp (basic)
Passive: the stomp attack has a small-template AoE with a moderate chance to stun.

Swarm Invictus
-Attacks:zap (basic)
Passive: can block damage to one unit other than itself (Escherions staff) and has a very fast respawn.

Mecha Dendrite
-Attacks:sting (basic)
Passive: the sting attack has a high chance of placing "nanopoison" debuff on the target. nanopoison is a low damage, stacking DoT designed to quickly get out of control, given the second passive of the mecha dendrite. second passive: all mecha dendrites in a room will aggro to an attacking hero, even if the attacker only targets one mecha dendrite.

Tachyon Cannon (Miniboss)
-Attacks: beam (basic), tachyon pulse
Passive: tachyon pulse attack has a long-duration, fullscreen stun effect with very high chance to stun. tachyon pulse attack automatically misses /dancing characters.

Control Bowl (Miniboss)
-Attacks: planar laser (basic)
Passive: Control Bowl has 100% physical and magical damage reflection anytime both tachyon turrets are alive. planar laser cannot be dodged but can miss. all dodge results to the planar laser attack are instead automatic critical hits to the dodger. this removes evasion from the heros options and perhaps inspires a rethink on tactics to defeat the control bowl.

Tachyon Turret
-Attacks:kaboom (basic), future shot
Passive: future shot is a moderate damage attack with a high chance of stun and a fast cooldown.

Cyber Totengeld (Miniboss)
-Attacks: thrash (basic), eyebeam, nanowhip frenzy
Passive: Cyber Totengeld retains the 100% damage reflection from his previous form (Control Bowl), in this case at any time both Swarm Invictus are active. eyebeam is a mid-range single target high crit/high damage stun attack of moderate effectiveness and duration. nanowhip frenzy is a large frontal 180-degree template AoE attack (allowing the players to manipulate the monster as a party, or “slip behind” him to avoid the attack when alone) of moderate damage with a high chance of placing "nanopoison" on those characters hit. the trick is that there is a moderate-to-high chance that, outside of cooldowns, Cyber Totengeld gets an additional, free nanowhip frenzy when he hits with the attack. this "free nanowhip frenzy rule" also applies to the second and possible following resultant nanowhip frenzies- each strike with its own chance of "nanopoison", making him quite the menacing mechtop megalomaniac :}

Hivelord (Boss)
-Attacks:infect (basic), cell division, rewind, redshift
Passive: HIvelord has +50% damage reflection for each Swarm Invictus active in the room, 150% at max. With the damage cancellation of the Swarm Invictus working with the damage reflection, it is impossible to attack Hivelord directly and makes the Hero reconsider their skill/class choices for the battle. For instance, Hero AoE skills would have a zesty feel since they get to take the damage along with the mobs. Hivelords auto-attack has a high chance to confer the "Nanopoison" debuff common to this event. Then there are the Hivelords more cosmic abilities, worst-of-all (and my favorite) is "Redshift". Redshift is an AoE debuff placed on the Hero(es) that makes their next ability target a random monster target in the room if using an offensive ability OR a random friendly target if using a non-offensive ability, this may include the original target by chance. Second, there is "Rewind", an AoE heal for the monster team. Enough +HP to fully heal the Swarm Invictus from any state, with Hivelord getting bonus healing for each active Swarm Invictus. Third ability, "Cell Division"- Hivelord spawns a Swarm Invictus in any open monster slot, allowing him to maintain his defensive wall .

Boss Monster Type

Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1: Human
Tachyon Cannon: Elemental
Control Bowl: Elemental
Cyber Totengeld: Human
Hivelord: Beast

(The supporting doc to this form includes illustrations for all listed monsters.)




Reward Types

I choose: all of them.

Boss/ Monster Drops because I would like the Control Bowl to drop the Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1 Helm (see illustration).

Merge Shop because I have created the Totengelds Hacked Merge Shop, see “Item Rewards” for contents.

Shop-that-unlocks-after-completing-all-quests because I have created the Mecha-Sized Footprint Shop (hereafter referred to as “MSFS”), see “Item Rewards” for contents.


Item Rewards

Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1 Armor (Totengelds Hacked Merge Shop)
Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1 Helm (dropped ever-so-infrequently by Control Bowl)
Control Bowl Helm (MSFS)
Mecha Dendrite Cape (MSFS)
Swarm Invictus Cape (MSFS)
Hacked Painsaw of Paragon Sword (MSFS)
Cyber Manic Nanowhips Dagger (MSFS)
Armored Legion Trooper Rifle (MSFS)
Gregor Eyes-and-Horn Pet (MSFS)
Armored Legion Sniper Rifle Gun (MSFS)
Armored Legion Standard Polearm (MSFS)
Armored Legion Captains Sword (MSFS)
Mini-Hivelord Pet (MSFS)
Mini-Cyber Totengeld Battle Pet (MSFS)

(All Item Rewards have a supporting illustration in the doc as well)



Cutscenes

Opening Cutscene:
Artix and Gregor huddle in a broken Lore next to a glowing, mecha-scale rip in time-space. Greg informs you of CEO Totengelds actions, including escaping to the Mirror Realm through an instability in timespace created by the exploding chemicals of the Totengeld factory when it was destroyed, hacking into the brain of the Armored Legion's commander and using the entire army as his personal security force: (Gregor) " I've teleported all the people of Lore into a pocket dimension that is an exact copy of their own, minus all this (pans across destruction). As far as they know, its another day of farming and hanging out at the inn, but I dont know how long I can sustain the illusion- please help, Hero!". Between the smoldering buildings, a roadway can be seen leading to the silhouette of the Totengeld factory in the distance. The factory is backlit by firey colors that also mark the brown, smoggy sky.

Cutscene after Hacked Paragon is defeated:
cutscene as CEO Totengeld monologues from the balcony holding an EbilCorp mug (which could be a button easter egg that links you to Heromart) and slams it on the handrail of the balcony until a shock ripple animation goes across the screen with a slight camera shake. Totengeld then nods knowingly and walks inside, fading into shadow as giant riveted doors (w/ corporate logo) close (camera begins slow zoom out)as multiple sensory eye-banks/techy details/swarm invictus faces illuminate from within the silhouette of the factory and the structure rises before the hero, transforming from the outline of the factory into the silhouette of the Logis Ex Machina or portions of it. Backlit red/orange, it can launch two mushroom clouds of glowing smog out of its back and its already lit eyes/ techyparts can pulse as the black layer over the silhouette fades and details appear when the Logis finally "powers-on" and a dozen or so Swarm Invictus fly from under the cowl/ mantle of the Logis, perhaps closing the scene with a zoom-effect/ size increase on one of the Swarm Invictus, having it fly "into" the camera.

Cutscene after Control Bowl is defeated:
The infuriated Totengeld rips himself from the hardplugged controls within the broken Control Bowl. Suit torn, designer shirt scorched, nodes still attached- the trauma of the defeat and violent separation from the controls of the Logis Ex Machina have driven the CEO into an uncontrollable bionic rage as a control "chip" from the side of the destroyed Control Bowl falls from above Totengeld and embeds itself in the top of his head like a mohawk- transforming the enraged CEO into Cyber Totengeld! Cyber Totengeld blasts a giant cybereye-beam at the hero and Artix and as they dodge, Totengeld ruptures through the top of the bridge, escaping to Room 11

Cutscene after Cyber Totengeld is defeated:
Cyber Totengeld is trapped on all sides by bright explosions atop the ruined Logis. Spherical orb\ explosion radi could grow over the detail of Cyber Totengeld, leaving his pained silhouette visible through the now-obscuring explosions. Then reshape the outline of Cyber totengeld as the magi-tomic blasts revert him to his true, ancient form. It could then be revealed that Totengeld Industries, the CEO, and all his new industrial interests throughout Lore were but some the latest elementary distractions of a cunning and ageless being: the Hivelord.`All of these plans having one unifying goal- to provide the energy needed to regain his true form and all of its unspeakable powers, the same powers that were sealed away by the first order of Pactagonal Knights those many centuries ago. A goal now quite accidentally met by his exposure to the Logis' exploding prototype magitomic fuel source, the very same fuel source that Totengeld Industries had been exploiting Lore for all along! Oh, delicious ewil irony sorta! <<MUAHAHAH>>

Closing Cutscene:
Gregor sparkles Lore back from nuked to normal and everyone is none the wiser, (silhouette of the Hero, Artix and Gregor in front of a perfectly unharmed, happily-lit Lore/ Battleon. Hero and Artix high-five, all three then cheer a "BATTLE ON" and the screen fades to Captain Lore staring quizzically at the words: "the end...?". Player is returned to battleon.




QUESTS


Room quests are given by Artix, Gregor, Oblivion or one of those cool quest windows in the top right of each room using the menu detail illustration for Gregor Eyes-and-Horn.

Room 2 quest: "Meet the Armored Legion!"
Talk to a few of the Legionnaires around Lore and get the scoop on what has happened!
Quest completion: 8/8 Armored Legionnaires defeated.
Its good that you got out and met the locals! You are the friendly sort!

Room 3 quest: "Learning about standards with the Armored Legion."
See what your local Legionnaires can teach you about standards, what can you teach them?
Quest completion: 12/12 Armored Legionnaires defeated.
As we can see, standards are important!

Room 4 quest: "Long-distance relationships can be tough."
Get to know a Legion Sniper- what foods do they like? What music do they like to snipe to?
Quest completion: Defeat all 4 Armored Legion Snipers.
Sometimes tough love isnt the best kind.

Room 5 quest: "Checkpoint!”
Explore the Legion checkpoint to make your way onto the factory grounds!
Quest completion: Defeat 12 Armored Legionnaires.
Checkpoint...reached.

Room 6 quest: "Conflict resolution in the workplace.”
Find out the Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1's feelings about the importance of communication and cooperation with co-workers.
Quest completion: Defeat Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1.
Communication is key.

Optional Daily Quests:
(I thought these would be a neat way to open up some of the harder rooms for low-level Heroes and solo players in addition to adding some real chase-value to the Hacked Legion Proto Paragon X-1 Armor. One sequential daily each for advantage item vs rooms: 7,8,9,10 and 11. meant to take 5 days to complete all 5 quests and thus gain all 5 advantages and merge shop.)

Daily 1: “Androcles' folly”
Procure a brutal(corn) horn and make the Logis step lightly, cancelling its stun effect. This quest item grants immunity to the stun effect of the Logis Ex Machina in room 7 for the hero that possesses it.
Quest completion: Drop- brutal horn from Brutalcorn.
Unlock daily 2.

Daily 2: “The cowards weapon, poison”
Make an unending (avatar) vaccine that even stops nanopoison...for a while. This quest item grants immunity to the nanopoison DoT of the Mecha Dendrites in room 8 for the hero that possesses it.
Quest completion: Drop- "unending" vaccine from Unending Avatar.
Unlock daily 3.

Daily 3: “Time is an illusion”
Contemplate the void (dragon) and transcend the effects of timestop. This quest item grants immunity to the stun effect of the Tachyon Cannon in room 9 for the hero that possesses it.
Quest completion: Clicky- void contemplation from clicking ONCE on Void Dragon.
Unlock daily 4.

Daily 4: “Its better to be the hammer than the anvil”
Be the (Soul Forge) hammer and SMASH the damage reflection ability of the control bowl. This quest item grants immunity to the damage reflection effect of the Control Bowl in room 10 for the hero that possesses it.
Quest Completion: Map Item (kinda)- Soul Forge hammer.
Unlock daily 5.

Daily 5: “The weak in courage is strong in cunning”
Procure a Shadow (Lord) Cloak and become untargetable by Cyber Totengelds eyebeam. This quest item grants immunity to the eyebeam attack of Cyber Totengeld in room 11 for the hero that possesses it.
Quest completion: Shadow Cloak from the Shadow Lord.
Unlock Totengelds Hacked Merge Shop.

Final Quest: Boss Battle “Battle at the edge of an exploding Universe!”
You are amongst the bravest of Lore to be here, Hero- and braver still to BATTLE ON!!!
Quest completion: Defeat Hivelord, save multiple galaxies.
My energy is spent at last, and my armor is destroyed.

Special Quest 1 “Running Blades”
This is a two-part operation. We’ve heard the CEO Totengeld is hoarding rare tech- finding it is part one.
Quest completion: Clicky- in rooms 1 through 6 for “prototype chip remnants”. Hero will randomly receive one of the following upon completion: brutal horn, "unending" vaccine, void contemplation or Shadow Cloak
Unlock Special Quest 2, Special Quest 1 stays active.
I love it when a plan comes together!

Special Quest 2: “Count Zero Override”
...So Totengeld is hiding something...part two? Well, part two is making sure he can’t use it to hurt anyone!
Quest completion: Drop- Iadoa convinced. “Convince” haxxor-supreme Ultra Iadoa to help you hack Totengelds ultra-secret tech!
Unlock Totengelds Hacked Merge Shop
We monitor many frequencies, we listen always.

I figured this would be a nice way to give the Legends a “quick pass” to the merge shop, since these two quests sidestep the dailys where the shop is concerned. A subtle perk, but a time-saving one.

< Message edited by Eukara Vox -- 4/24/2014 13:29:09 >"

there it is, i would really benefit from any criteria-based feedback from staff that i could get on this.

i feel like i threw a hail-mary to nobody.

it was totally supposed to be a "hug" to my only favorite gaming company- sappy as that is.

so can we be frank? whats the deal please?
MQ AQW  Post #: 1
5/4/2014 1:58:03   
megakyle777
Member

Hello.

First of all, I'd like to apologize for my comment earlier. It was not my intention to insult.

Second: Your entry is fairly solid in terms of writing. In fact, I quite enjoy the idea of reusing Totengold.

The main issues I can find with it are that, well, the entry breaks some of the rules of the contest.

quote:

Choose any NPC currently in game


You create a NPC called Gregor Eyes and Horns.

quote:

*Bonus points if you pick items already in game** and describe “evolved” versions of them!
** Excludes: Dage & Nulgath items; all Rare & Seasonal Rare items; and all special items obtained from HeroMart, gaming conventions, and contest rewards


I will freely admit that I'm not sure if a cyber version of Dage's Paragon armor counts in that, but I would assume so.

quote:

• 200 word summary of what you would like to happen in your opening cutscene.
• 200 word summary of what you would like to happen in your closing cutscene.
* We reserve the right to change requests based on time/feasibility.


It was confirmed in the contest discussion thread that you could only have 2 cutsecnes. You have 5.

While I cannot find the post just yet, it was also confirmed you could not have minibosses.

So basically, there is nothing wrong with the QUALITY of your writing as far as I can see. in fact I LOVE your release. The issue is that it broke enough rules that it was probably read and then discarded. I suggest reading all the rules of a contest thoroughly next time, and if you have any questions about rules like if minibosses are allowed or if you can have more then 2 cutscenes (To be fair to you, those points were raised in the thread not the entry rules itself) feel free to ask in the thread and staff will reply.

As I say, nothing wrong with the entry, it just broke a few rules.

Hope this helps.

< Message edited by megakyle777 -- 5/4/2014 2:02:49 >
DF  Post #: 2
5/4/2014 2:44:19   
Gregor Eisenhorn
Member

thank you for the time you took in your response. i appreciate it.

the c/p didnt transpose it- but the original is in 2 colors. one for the primary bones of the story, crafted using only the rules guidelines. it was a perfect adherance to the form. the second color was "optional" text meant to be that- optional. to show my acknowledgement of the format in addition to my intention to blow it away. which i feel i did- the planet went up like westion before i was done.

gregor was an optional npc, oblivion was the core original. again, my c/p caused the confusion.

but let me stop here and agree that my entry is hard to describe a "perfectly within format", i didnt get the flowchart thing- so i skipped it...just like one of the grand prizes did.

the cutscenes were also split up, the first and last were the core- the middle three were optional (and irrelevent if their coinciding mobs were never encountered).

again, thank you for your time and your compliments. they are in fact my first prizes from this contest and it makes a difference.

the sharing of the story is important to any writer/art person. its not about ego. why do you think i turned myself into a winky little runt kids toy beholder?

if it seems im super-ticked about my positioning in the contest, and i am, it's because i think the game is missing out on a cool addition (not even close to the only one we've seen this week, but certainly worth mention) and i want to contribute to a place that ive grown attatched to. i cant believe im alone in this motivation, either.
MQ AQW  Post #: 3
5/4/2014 16:15:49   
popinloopy
Member

If it helps, you can find the original post with two colors here.

< Message edited by popinloopy -- 5/5/2014 9:15:40 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
5/4/2014 21:26:29   
Gregor Eisenhorn
Member

helpful forumness of you, mr. loopy. thanks.
MQ AQW  Post #: 5
5/5/2014 9:16:23   
popinloopy
Member

@Gregor
Of course. And I fixed the link just now to link directly to your post, not just the page. Shoulda done that the first time around, my bad.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
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