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Here's How We Roll Contest Submission

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6/21/2014 16:17:02   
Retro The Watcher

A Tale Of A Foolish Thief

(Note: Italicized parts are present tense, and non-italicized parts are past tense)

I've never stolen anything in my life, never had to.

But I got desperate. I had no money, home or anything to call my own.

I had to make this burglary work, but it wasn't as easy as I had planned.


Earlier that evening, as I was preparing for the robbery I was going through my checklist and plans.

Right, all prepared. Flashlight, check. Sword, check. Lock pick, check. Wow, I think I’m all prepared to go. This should be a piece of cake. I need to make sure I infiltrate the house from the back, just in case the family are still home though. As long as all goes to plan, I should be rich and rolling in money in no time.

Of course, all didn't go to plan… It actually went the exact opposite way to were the plan resided or even went to work. As I arrived outside the house after riding for 5 miles on a bike ‘borrowed’ from a local shop, I noticed that the family’s car wasn’t there…

Right, I’m here. *phew*. That was a long ride; the old legs aren’t what they used to be. Well, I better try and get in through the back door or window, now where’d I put my lock pick? It’s somewhere in my bag, I think. *clang*. Nope. *bang*. So that’s where that went! *thump*. Ah, there it is.

With my trusty lock pick now found, I was able to open the door, after reading an instruction manual on it for 30 minutes. And at the time I thought this was as bad as it could get… As the door to the house crept open, one thing became apparent; they were filthy, stinking rich.
They had gold-plated, well, plates. Silver spoons, knives, forks. The full shabam. Now all I had needed to do was grab a few things and I’d be well of for the rest of my life… But no, I had to be greedy.

Wow, these are some pretty things. But I bet that this house will have even better things in the main rooms. Maybe diamonds! Or better. I could be richer the Mr Rain Bow, the richest guy in my street.
Right, I should probably give the living room a check out, hehe. Checkout.

As I entered the living room, I was greeted to a vast collection of armour stands, covered with various antique armours from all the ages. Even one piece would suffice a man for life, but not me.
The ceiling was decorated with jewels and gleaming gold chandlers, and the floor was arranged in a floral formation of expensive, painted marble tiles; all of which were perfectly polished and pristine.
I must have been completely out of it to not have taken any of the items in this room, but oh well.

Oh my money… I’m rich, I’m so rich! But I bet there’s better stuff upstairs.

And there was. Far better stuff in fact, but I didn't get a proper look in the rooms as almost immediately after I got up the giant staircase and up to the landing I heard a car pull in the drive. This is where it all went horribly wrong. I could just faintly hear noises from outside the house, and they were ones of a cheerful, laughing nature. I positioned myself at the top of the staircase as I waited for them.

‘Oh by jove my darling, shall we enter our lovely household’ said a male voice.
‘Oh yes please, I would very much love that to happen’ replied a female voice ‘do you have the good old key for the keyhole’.
‘I certainly do’ he replied, in far too much of a jolly mood for an evening as dark and depressing as this.

As they entered, I noticed I had made one fatal error. Well, many actually. I left my lock pick on their table, along with my lock picking guide and I had left muddy foot prints all through the house, too. I was starting to, at this point in time, regret doing this… But money, so I kept myself together and stayed. However it seemed that those elderly couple were either blind or oblivious, or even both because they failed to notice any of it as they sat down to watch something on the television... I believe it's called that?.

Wow, that was close. How could they not notice that stuff? Oh well, better check around this upstairs bit.

The upstairs was a little less in-your-face compared to the rest of the house, but it certainly had a very nice, old-style charm to it. Of course, if it wasn't worth something I didn't care…
I decided to systematically check through every keyhole of the twelve, symmetrical doors in the large hallway, with my shadow from the moons reflection following me every step of the way. All seemed rather bland until I reached the last one on the right, which had something glimmering in it. It was what I had been looking for…

It’s not, is it? It… It can’t be… It is!

What I had not realised was that my last sentence was screamed out loud, rather than in my head. The old couple seemed to not move from where they were sitting…

Darn-it! I really need to stop thinking out loud now that I’m a master criminal. Right, now how do I get into this room? I need my; lock pick…

Which was, of course, downstairs on the main table. ‘Great’, I remember thinking.

As I began creeping down the steps, to which every, and I jest not by saying every, step made a squeaking noise or louder when I moved over it. I was wondering why this absolutely stinking-rich couple would have a wooden staircase… Maybe it was made out of mahogany?
I eventually got to the bottom and let out a sigh of relief.

*phew* Wow, that wasn't fun. At least I've got my trusty lock pick back.

Work in progress... It isn't finished yet, or even halfway to being finished, but meh.

< Message edited by Retro The Watcher -- 6/21/2014 16:21:53 >
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