Azan
Member
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Hello there! I wanted to read your story for quite a long time, and it's very good! I really enjoyed it, from the beginning to the end. I especially liked the balance between seriousness and jokes/funny moments! First of all, the first quest was very funny. The way the Hero acts is really credible, and the cute little cauliflower turning into a giant killing machine made me laugh! I especially love the way the dragon is mentioned at the end. It really feels like the Hero is referring to the dragon as a helper and companion, not just a pet. Big thumbs up for that! I just love your second quest! It feels like the Bloodwork quest in the Blood and Roses storyline... only written before the Bloodwork quest! It'd be nice to have a short description of what "???" at the end is though. A bacteria? The fifth quest was also very good. I just love the way Adam is trying to find an explanation for the Hero never dying, that made me laugh. In the sixth quest, there's a weird phrasing from Death. "I request from you - because remember, you owe me one - dispose of this threat." I'm also not sure there are Dravir near Betrubung Swamp... the last we've heard of them, they still were in the Freedom Camp, not near Sulen'Eska. We haven't seen any Dravir in Betrubung so far... I'm also not sure how Death being the quest-giver could be implemented, since, y'know, the quest are given in Serenity's Inn... and I'm not sure Death could just sit there unnoticed in the Inn. Maybe a simple object (like the chest in the Locker or the orb who replaced MS) could take Adam's place... I'm also not sure how Guardian Kain would consider the Rose fighting back the undead a "problem". In fact, it was about time the Rose took care of an undead invasion. xD Introducing this Gararara NPC is also a very good idea, thumbs up for that. Like the Clawkin and Dravir, it's nice to see NPCs made from Archeonauts! Your last quest was very good. I'm definitely looking forward to see what exactly happened and where everyone went! (oh, and also, "Icecream" is the best. Codeword. Ever. For making things blow up.) As a general comment, congrats on your grammar, punctuation, and overall lack of orthographic mistakes. It's great to read a story that's well-written like this!
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