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BlARRRney War!

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1/20/2015 11:00:59   
Times Silent Keeper

BlARRRney War!
Blarney War 2014

Location: Blarney Portal Painting » 2014: BlARRRney War!

«You can skip this cutscene anytime.»

«Scene: Somewhere under the rainbow. You and Zorbak come across the Leprechauns.»

Zorbak: Well well, if it's not the 8-time LOSERchauns! Here to add another trophy to our shelves?
Sham: Och! Why ya little rodent! I'll--
«You»: Waitwaitwait! Sham, look, I REALLY don't want this erupting into another war. As such, I've come with a peace offering.
Zorbak: "Peace offering"? Pfft! We can beat these--

«Zorbak flies into the background beyond the hills with a giant PUNT!»

Sham: Ahhh. Gettin' rid o' that snake is much appreciated.
«You»: ...appreciated to the point of us not getting into another Blarney War this year? *grins*
Sham: Well, that's the thing. I... uh... actually came here...
Sham: ...'cause I need your help.
«You»: What?! So I wasted that punt on nothing?!
Sham: Aye. Y'see, it started a month ago....

«Flashback: Lolosia. General O'LepraKhan is leading Leprechauns, all carrying big bags of gold.»

Sham: The leprechaun parliament decided to start taxin' Lolosia, as their sea travel is a mighty fine business. Plus, they seem to be less well-armed than BattleOn.
«You»: And I'm guessing that you didn't, say, get any input from the Lolosians about this before deciding?
Sham: Nay. Why? They're only the ones bein' taxed.
«You»: I... just, no reason. Keep going.
Sham: Well, we started collectin' our fair share. The Lolosians needed a wee bit o' persuadin', but the money started flowin' in.
Sham: That is, until one day, when outta nowhere this rat named BlackWhisk'r caused an uprisin' against us!

«BlackWhisker enters the scene with Anchorhand and several of his BURP minions. A ship also sails into the scene in the background.»

BlackWhisker: Ye won't see another red cent from us as long as me ships be sailin' in Lolosia's waters! Now git out, ye scurvy gits!
O'LepraKhan: Ha! Make us!

«BlackWhisker points his sword at O'LepraKhan. A few shots are fired from the ship in the background. Shortly after, blasts surround the Leprechauns which throw them off the scene. The flashback ends.»

O'LepraKhan: Me... *sniff* me hat....
Sham: An' that's not the worst of it! Now this rat's got it in 'is head that 'e can plunder MORE gold from the Leprechaun Nation! He's preparin' for a raid to steal all o' our gold!
«You»: And that's where I come in?
Sham: Aye! UNCLE SHAM WANTS YOU and yer Guardians to help guard me gold from 'is attack! Whaddaya say?
«You»: Yyyyyyyyyyyeah. About that. I'm thinking no, 'cause you kinda brought this on yourself.
Sham: WHAT?!
«You»: You were stealing -- yes, STEALING -- money from innocent people. They've got every right to be angry. You can't do that.
Sham: Since when?!
«You»: Since forever. I mean, how would you like it if someone decided to "tax" you?
«You»: Actually, don't answer. Sham, that is exactly what they're doing: they're "taxing" you the same way that you "taxed" them. How you feel right now is exactly how they felt.
Sham: That's madness!
«You»: Exactly! Hopefully this will teach you a valuable lesson about taking gold from other people.
«You»: I'm outta here. Have fun!

«The scene zooms in on Uncle Sham. His lips tremble, and a tear flows down his cheek.»

Sham: NOOOOO! You cannae leave me here!
«You»: Bye!
Sham: WAIT! «You», I can reward ya!

«The scene zooms out.»

«You»: Ooooh, this'll be good. What's a penny-pinching scrooge like you going to reward me with? A pet rock? Free air?
Sham: A bit o' me own fortune. Ye'll get a precious prize of 10% of the whole thing fer savin' me gold.
«You»: O_O
«You»: Wait, really?
Sham: Aye! Ya know how important me gold is to me! I'll do ANYTHING to protect it!
«You»: (thinking) Last I checked, he had a literal ocean of gold. Even 10% of that... wow. I could just pay off all the villains to retire and be set for life.
«You»: (thinking) I wouldn't have to eat at Yulgar's. Well, I still would. I'd just eat more.
«You»: Well... hm. I guess that there's all the leprechaun peasants and children that need protecting.
«You»: And there's that whole "two wrongs don't make a right" thing. BlackWhisker is kinda a bad guy, right?
Sham: So ya'll help?!
«You»: Well... okay. I'll help stop them, even though I'd rather collaborate and listen to them.
«You»: But I'm only going to be fighting defensively. Just enough to repel the pirates so that you're safe.
Sham: Aha! That's the spirit, laddie/lassie! Go get yer Guardian friends, and we'll make a plan o' attack!
«You»: Defence. We're defending against them.
Sham: Meh. Potayto, potahto.

«The scene fades to black.»

Blarney War
The leprechaun nation is under attack by a band of vicious, bloodthirsty pirates! Who will defend its honor? Who will protect the innocent peasants and children? Who is being paid more than any living human ever has been to do this? It's you!
  • To Battle!
  • Guardian mission!
  • Past Blarney Rewards! - Opens the Blarney shop.
  • Leprechaun Power Armor! - You have equipped a special Leprechaun Power Armor! It will disappear when you log out.
  • Explore Camp
  • Back to Town

    Potion Bag - Refills your potions if you have less than 4 on hand. (Guardian Only)
    Treasure Chest - Elizabeth's Katana is now yours to use! (Guardian Only)
    Outline of Zorbak - You punted Zorbak out of the quest. You'll have to find another source of healing... maybe a four-leaf clover?
    Four-leaf Clover - This magical 4-leaf clover just healed you!
    ElBhe - ElBhe, shadowkitty and master mouser! Uh, BURPer? Wait, never mind, you know what I mean.
    Robina Hood - Robina Hood is usually up for stealing from the rich, but she'll make an exception this time.
    Elizabeth - Ninja Master Elizabeth is here to fight her sworn enemies: the pirates!
    Warlic - Warlic the Archmage is here to help!
    BURPs - +0.1 Ranged BTH per BURP (max of +20.0 BTH, or 200 BURPs)

    To Battle!
    Who will join you in battle?
  • Warlic
  • Robina (Earth/Wind version)
  • Elizabeth
  • ElBhe

  • By yourself

    «Regardless of choice»
      2 BATTLES
      Full Heal
    «After defeating 100% of the pirate army...»
      4 BATTLES
      Optional Full Heal after battles #2 and #4
    «BlackWhisker confronts you.»

    «You»: Okay, BlackWhisker, you've caused enough damage. Sham's learnt his lesson and won't be taxing the Lolosians any more.
    BlackWhisker: Aye, matey. And we've looted enough gold from 'is soldier scallywags to MORE than pay back the innocent Lolosians.
    «You»: So everyone is happy! Other than Sham, I mean, but he deserves it. I guess that all's well that ends well?
    BlackWhisker: If ye had fairer winds blowin' yer way, then I might be agreein' wit ya. But I know that Sham's payin' ya a fortune, and I wouldn't be much of a pirate if I left YER pile o' gold unplundered!
      1 BATTLE: BlackWhisker the PieRat
      Full Heal
    BlackWhisker: *cough* Is that all ya've got, ya chum-snarfing blowfish?
    «You»: I could ask you the same thing. You're barely conscious. C'mon, scamper off while you're still in one piece.
    BlackWhisker: FINE! But ye're a sorry fool if ye're thinkin'... ehh? D'ya hear somethin'?

    «AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- Zorbak flies into the scene, slams into the ground where BlackWhisker was standing on and knocks him off-screen before bouncing off.»

    «You»: ...
    «You»: And don't come back, (mete)or else!

    «The scene fades to black. You return to Sham to collect your reward.»

    Sham: A mighty fine job, mate! Me beautiful gold is safe from those grubby pirate hands!
    «You»: And the rest of Leprechaunia, including the innocent peasants and children, are safe too!
    Sham: Ehh? Aye, yeah, whatever.
    «You»: ...
    «You»: So about my reward?
    Sham: Oy! Close yer eyes, and I'll give ya yer reward.
    «You»: ???

    «Gold sprinkles fly toward you.»

    «You»: Uh. Pretty, I guess? So about my reward....
    Sham: That be yer reward! A powerful blessin' of leprechaun magic!

    «A tutorial simulation runs. A character activates his Shelayleigh's special on a Frogzard, which deals 9999 damage on Lucky Strike.»

    Sham: Now, when yer weapon does its weapon special, ye have a 10% chance of doin' bonus damage based on yer LUK!

    «The simulation ends.»

    «You»: Neat. But what about the rest? Y'know, the 10% of your gold?
    Sham: GOLD? I never said I'd give ya any gold! I said I'd give ya me FORTUNE - me LUCK! An' that's what I just gave ya with me blessin'!
    «You»: ...
    «You»: Wait, no....
    «You»: Nonononono... nono....
    «You»: You... when you said "fortune"--
    Sham: Are ya daft? Ya know how much I love me gold! I won the "Lore's Greediest Miser" contest ten years in a row!
    Sham: What in the name of all me gold would make me PAY you the gold I love so much?? ESPECIALLY when I can do it in exchange fer a bit o' magic??
    «You»: I... there... there's a very good reason why!
    Sham: Reeeeally? I'd love ta hear it.
    «You»: ...


    Sham: Right. Pleasure doin' business wit'/with ya. See ya next year.

    «The Leprechauns leave.»

    «You»: Wait! There's a chance that I might be able to come up with a hypothetical case where it's remotely possible!
    «You»: ...
    «You»: Well, at least I got this glitter....

    «O'LepraKhan enters the scene.»

    O'LepraKhan: «You»! I got m'self a new hat! A beaut of a tricorne, in Irish green!
    «You»: That's... wonderful. I'm really happy for you, I guess?
    O'LepraKhan: And there's enough fabric leftover if ye want one for y'self!

    «The BlARRRney War 2014 shop opens. Once you exit the shop:»

    «You»: Huh, this IS a pretty cool hat. Hat's off to you!
  • End

  • Play again!
  • Guardian Tower!
  • Leave

    Guardian Mission!

    «Scene: Battlefield. LepreKhan is stepping on a defeated Anchorhand, whose hat is some distance from him.»

    «You»: How goes the battle, Lucky?
    O'LepraKhan: These buckets o' snot will all pay for ruinin' me hat! YA'LL ALL PAY, I SAY!
    O'LepraKhan: If I cannae ha' me hat, then NONE OF YA CAN HAVE YERS!!

    «O'LepraKhan conjures a magical spell from his Shelayleigh and destroys Anchorhand's hat.»

    «You»: Well. You seem... motivated. Need some help?
    O'LepraKhan: Help? Aye, I'd MUCH appreciate help in ruinin' these pirates' dreams!
    O'LepraKhan: Fer every three hats ya destroy, I'll reward ya with a bit o' me gold. Whaddaya say?
    «You»: Really? Well, I'm already getting a nice paycheck from Sham, but... meh, can't have too much of a good thing!

    «The Guardian Mission scroll appears. You can heal yourself using the four-leaf clover, or refill potions from the potion bag if you have less than four on hand. If you leave the Guardian Mission, your progress will be reset.»

    O'LepraKhan: We'll destroy 'em all, in memory of me beloved hat!
  • To Battle!
      2 BATTLES

      «If you fight a pirate, you will see their hat erupting in flames post-battle.»
  • Collect Prize! - (Quota not met) You have not yet wrought enough vengeance to satisfy O'LepraKhan's thirst!
  • Back to Camp

    «Once you destroy three or more hats, the counter removes three hats from your count and you receive this dialogue.»

    O'LepraKhan: That's the spirit, laddie/lassie! Drinks're on me!
      1 BATTLE: Treasure

    BlARRRney War 2014

  • Meteorbak [L. 7, 27, 47, 67, 87, 107, 127 | 84 G, 137 G, 147 G]
  • Meteorbak Z [L. 15 Z, 117 Z]

  • Ninjachaun [L. 7, 27, 47, 67, 87, 107, 127 | 84 G, 137 G, 147 G]
  • Ninjachaun Z [L. 15 Z 117 Z]

  • BlARRRney Hat [L. 7, 27, 47, 67, 87, 107, 127]
  • BlARRRney Hat Z [L. 15 Z]
  • Guardian BlARRRney Hat [L. 104 G, 147 G]

    Corrections and missing shop item thanks to Archlist.

    < Message edited by Carandor -- 5/16/2017 12:20:48 >
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