whackybeanz
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  Frostval 2014 It's a Wonderful Life of Crime
Location: Frostval '14: It's a Wonderful Life of Crime » It's a Wonderful Life of Crime
«Scene: Yulgar's Inn, Lounge. The cutscene continues off from where Uldor speaks to you of his vision.»
Sage Uldor: «You», for the good of all of Lore...
«The scene zooms in on Uldor against a red background for dramatic effect.»
Sage Uldor: ...we have to stop Zorbak from retiring!
«You»: You've lost me.
Sage Uldor: The vision was crystal clear: Zorbak, for all his misgivings, is a force of GOOD in this world! Without him, Lore would quickly descend into chaos!
«You»: ... I'm pretty sure that you've got that backwards. He's constantly stirring up trouble and wars and... like, he even murdered an entire village and turned them undead once!
Sage Uldor: I understand, but you must see the forest through the trees: he causes a tremendous amount of good that, on the whole, outweighs his occasional sin.
«You»: "Occasional"? That's ALL he does!
«You»: I mean, you probably can't even name three things that he's done that remotely resemble "good"!
Sage Uldor: If that's the proof you need, then let's start with the leprechauns....«A flashback begins, returning to one of the Leprechaun wars where Zorbak was present.»
Sage Uldor: Leprechauns are extremely intelligent, and have won many battles to amass their gold hoards.
Sage Uldor: Their one weakness is their pride. And Zorbak is an expert at exploiting this.
Zorbak: You lepre-chumps are dressed in puke-green again? If it's some military tactic to gross me out, then you're doin' it right!
Zorbak: Too bad for your soldiers, though. I don't care how much gold you have, you couldn't pay me enough to wear THAT!
«The general sentiment of D:< surrounds the Leprechauns. Uncle sham is fuming, red-faced with steam coming from his ears.»
Sage Uldor: Without Zorbak putting their pride on the line...
«Zorbak vanishes, and the Leprechauns exit the scene.»
Sage Uldor: ...they'd have enough presence of mind to properly fight and defeat us soundly.
«A GO-LD Walker suddenly appears and stomps the group of Rhubarb, Mercuria and Robina, still hanging around the scene. The flashback abruptly ends.» Sage Uldor: Although certainly not as soundly as Nightbane would!«The next flashback begins, this time on the events surrounding Nightbane. A black chest can be seen, lying on Darkovian soil.»
Sage Uldor: If you recall, Zorbak led us straight to Darklaw - the legendary sword we used to defeat Nightbane.
«Zorbak enters the scene, leading the way for Cyrus, Galanoth and E. The black chest on the ground opens, revealing the Darklaw.»
Sage Uldor: Darklaw is the only thing that can harm Dracopyres. Without Zorbak, we would have had no hopes of finding it...
«Zorbak vanishes from the scene, and the chest containing Darklaw does so shortly after. Nightbane enters the scene, unleashing a roar to the skies.»
Sage Uldor: ...and no hopes of defeating Nightbane.
«Nightbane unleashes a massive beam towards Cyrus, Galanoth and E. The flashback ends in a flash.» «You»: Yeesh. Okay, so Darkovia and most of Greenguard would be down, but at least Battleon would be safe?
Sage Uldor: Alas, far from it! Remember the great pyromancer who burnt Battleon to the ground? The one who Zorbak helped us defeat?
«You»: Oh no, you mean...!
Sage Uldor: Drakonnan.«The flashback to The Great Fire War begins. A swarm of fire monsters can be seen, fighting against Battleon's own army. Zorbak enters from behind enemy lines, stomping on a Firezard's head. The impact leaves the Firezard flipped over, lying on its head.»
Sage Uldor: Zorbak lent his army of undead to help us fight Drakonnan's forces. His aid was *essential* in our survival.
«Zorbak raises his staff and his undead army rushes across the scene, striking all the fire mobs away from the scene. Amazingly, the Firezard that Zorbak struck beforehand survives the impact.»
Sage Uldor: And then he brought down the force field guarding Drakonnan's domain, allowing us to finally defeat the pyromancer.
Sage Uldor: A barrier generated by the Prime Fire Orb itself... few mages are capable of countering such powerful magic!
«Zorbak fires dark bolts at the remaining Firezard. It gets struck off-screen. The attack also destroys the force field surrounding Drakonnan's lair.»
«You»: That force field isn't really important if without him we wouldn't have survived in the first place!
Sage Uldor: Precisely.
«Zorbak vanishes from the scene once again. Drakonnan, commanding his fire army, exits his lair. A red beam blasts from Drakonnan's hand toward the Battleon army, ending the flashback.» Sage Uldor: Drakonnan would have reduced the continent of Battleonia to ashes...
«You»: Okay, I get it now. We have to stop Zorbak or else the next Drakonnan will get us.
Sage Uldor: *ahem* Drakonnan WOULD have reduced the continent of Battleonia to ashes, were it not for the ultimate threat that Zorbak is keeping at bay.
Sage Uldor: Zorbak is keeping in check a threat so powerful that it could take down all of the aforementioned enemies at once.
Sage Uldor: A threat of unparalleled evil that, once unleashed, will mean the death of us all...
Sage Uldor: Kabroz.
«You»: ....
«You»: Kabroz?
Sage Uldor: Kabroz.
«You»: Kabroz.
Sage Uldor: Kabroz.
«You»: Marco?
Sage Uldor: Polo. I mean-- Kabroz!
«You»: Heh. Okay, yeah, you need to explain this one too. Kabroz is a D-list villain on a good week. There's no way he can be a threat to anything more than our sense of decency.
Sage Uldor: That is only because Kabroz loves his brother. He is willing to put aside his evil ambitions in order to help out Zorbak's ebil schemes.
Sage Uldor: Luckily, Zorbak always has something in the works, so Kabroz is constantly kept busy.
«The scene changes to a view of Lore from space. A huge Kabroz rises from behind Lore.»
Sage Uldor: Left to his own devices, Kabroz would inevitably perfect his zombification magic. He would take control of Battleonia, with only small pockets of life surviving his horde.
Sage Uldor: The infection would spread, taking down all civilization, leaving Lore a barren zombie wasteland!
«Lore, under the influence of Kabroz, slowly dulls and turns grey. The scene fades to black and switches back to your conversation with Uldor.»
«You»: I... don't know what to say. A zombie apocalypse is... well, I've only heard about it from crazy people before.
Sage Uldor: I am far from crazy. You know as well as I do that my visions are never wrong.
Sage Uldor: You must believe me, «You»! You must stop Zorbak from retiring!
«You»: But, like... can't we just deal with Kabroz instead? Throw him into the Guardian Tower jail and forget about him?
Sage Uldor: You know how fate works. Were we to deal with Kabroz, someone else - someone much more threatening - would take his place.
Sage Uldor: We need an ally we can work with. Someone who thinks like a villain, but is willing to help us out when things get serious.
«You»: Someone ebil. *sigh*
«You»: Okay, I'll... see what I can do, I guess.
Sage Uldor: Godspeed, «You». The fate of the world rests in your hands!
«The scene fades to black. You proceed to look for Zorbak at his home.»
«You»: (thinking) Well, this is Zorbak's home. Seems to be unguar...4 BATTLES
Full Heal after battles #2 and #4 «You enter Zorbak's home. Zorbak is at his work desk, sorting through paperwork.»
Zorbak: A1... A1... A1... Mer? Oh, bleh, it's you. How'd that wreath taste?
«You»: Oh, it was--
«You»: (thinking) Whoa, slow down. If I'm going to talk some "sense" into him, then I should tone down the snark.
«You»: --fine, thank you. How're you doing?
Zorbak: Oh, I'm fiiiine. I'm looking over loan applicants right now. *rolls eyes* Tons of fun!
«You»: Would you really be happy running a bank? I mean, we all know that you're 100% EBIL, and I'm not sure what you can get up to with boring bank stuff.
Zorbak: You're right! Hey, maybe I should have you look over these. If you start your own bank, then you can LEAVE ME A LOAN.
«You»: C'mon Zorbak, I'm worried. Retiring like this isn't like you. Are you sure that you wouldn't be happier working on more crazy undead?
Zorbak: ... Why do you care?
«You»: Well, we're friends, right?
Zorbak: ....
«You»: Acquaintances?
Zorbak: .........
«You»: Like, you wouldn't want to see me dead, right?
Zorbak: ......................
«You»: Dead by someone else's hand?
Zorbak: Hm. I guess so.
Zorbak: But that doesn't give me any reason to listen to you. Can't you just go celebrate Frostval and go somewhere else to act all sickeningly sweet? Ugh.
Zorbak: I'm gonna have to get used to this, aren't I?
«You»: Huh? Get used to what?
Zorbak: You -- everyone -- acting like Little Mister Sunshine Pants! Without me, everything will be rainbows and flowers and sugary GOODNESS!
Zorbak: Without me, all of you are probably going to declare world peace and start being all lovey-dovey. It makes me wanna puke.
«You»: (thinking) He... he has no idea, does he? Huh. Maybe if I tone up the snark....
«You»: Yeah, and knowing you, it'd drive you CRAZY. You'd crack.
Zorbak: Psh. I can take it.
«You»: No, you'd be in a nut house two weeks in. There's no way that you, Zorbak, the very definition of EBIL, can live with every day being Snugglefest. You can't even stand Frostval!
Zorbak: I can take it! I've taken all these years of dealing with you, so I can definitely live in a world devoid of my EBIL presence!
«You»: A world without you would be.... huh. Maybe...?
«You»: Hang on. This gives me an idea.
«You take Zorbak outside his home, and call for Uldor. Uldor can be seen holding a swirling crystal ball in his hand.»
Zorbak: So let me get this straight.... Mr. Boring In Beige is gonna show me what the world would look like without me.
«You»: Right! And it'll be 100% accurate, which means everything's rainbows and unicorns. Right, Uldor?
Sage Uldor: Uh... correct, «You».
Zorbak: If I can take it, then you'll be my personal servant. And if I can't take it, then...?
«You»: (thinking) Tone down the snark, and play dumb. He already thinks that you're an idiot.
«You»: Then you'll be happy! And Frostval is all about making people happy, which means that I've done my job as a hero!
Zorbak: Ha! You hero types are so STUPID. You know that I'll win this.
«You»: Maybe, but as a hero, I have to TRY!
Zorbak: Mehehehe! Then let's do this!
«Peering into the crystal ball, both you and Zorbak are taken into a world of sunshine and rainbows. Even the sun smiles at you! Everything is so bright, colorful and cheery.»
Zorbak: Ugh, the colors! Did the Beige Mage turn up the brightness too high or something?!
«You»: Nope! This is what your hideout would look like if you weren't constantly necrotizing every living thing around you.
Zorbak: Seriously? It looks like someone puked this up after a paint-drinking contest!
«You»: We can give up now if you want...?
Zorbak: No way, I can take it! Let's go.
«Zorbak comes across a rainbow. Leprechauns carrying a pot of gold slide down the rainbow and strike Zorbak right as he's passing the rainbow! For the remaining battles in this quest, you fight as Zorbak, with most of your inventory adjusted. Each battle that follows after this does not yield any exp nor gold.»2 BATTLES
Full Heal after battle #2 Leprechaun #1: Oi! What was that fo'?!
Zorbak: For bumping into me, you--
«You»: Zoooorbaaaak, that's not very nice! Especially considering all the good they're doing for Battleon!
Zorbak: Come again?
«You»: Well, without you to constantly start wars with them, we were able to reach a peace deal with the leprechauns.
Leprechaun #1: Aye! 'tis been eight blissful years of peace!
Leprechaun #2: We've got a cushy job lookin' o'er Battleon's finances. In fact, we're just deliv'rin' a shipment o' gold t' them!
Leprechaun #1: Aye, we should be headin' on our way. Ta-ta!
«The leprechauns leave the scene, carrying their pot of gold.»
Zorbak: The runts... are WILLINGLY giving away their gold?!?
«You»: Yep! Leprechauns and humans are living in harmony!
Zorbak: No way! That ham Sham would never agree to this!
«You»: Are you sure? Have you ever tried talking to him?
Zorbak: Erm. Not really...?
«You»: Exactly. And as long as you're around, we can never really sit down and talk out our differences.
Zorbak: I-- *groan* I feel dizzy. This doesn't make any sense!
«You»: We could head back, if you want?
Zorbak: Meh! No way! This is nothing!
«Zorbak moves onward, while you stay behind for a short while. After Zorbak leaves the scene, Uldor appears.»
Sage Uldor: This feels... wrong.
«You»: What, lying to Zorbak and telling him that things'll be just peachy, when really we're trying to prevent a zombie apocalypse?
Sage Uldor: Precisely! I understand the gravity of the situation, but I DO have a reputation to uphold. If it gets around that I'm actively deceiving people....
«You»: Don't worry. I won't say a thing, and Zorbak hasn't clued in yet. We're in the clear.
Sage Uldor: Thank you, «You». *sigh* Now you should hurry on before Zorbak gets into more trouble.
«The next place Zorbak visits is Battleon itself. Walls built around town, everything looks really bright and cheery. Zorbak ends up at the entrance to the Guardian Tower, where two red-plated knights stand.»
Knight #1: Hiya! Welcome to Battleon!
Zorbak: Mer? Who are you?
Knight #2: We are the Knights of King Konnan the Repentant! We are sworn to defend Battleon!
Zorbak: Konnan? That... sounds....
Zorbak: Wait-- Konnan as in DRAKONNAN?!
Knight #1: Oof. Looks like you've only heard about our king's bad side. Yeah, he used to be a big villain years ago.
Knight #2: But he has repented! He has done much good, and restored the land to peace and harmony!
Knight #2: No one dares attack the innocent peoples of Battleon while our king wields the power of the Fire Orb!
Knight #1: Yep. Word is that he was burning down a town, and saw a young man trying to pull his family from their flaming house.
Knight #2: He saw himself mirrored in this youth - much as Akriloth razed his town, he is now demolishing this boy's! He was HORRIFIED!
Knight #2: From that day forward, he swore to protect the innocent from monsters like what he had become!
Knight #1: And he's been doing a REALLY good job of it. Even the people who still hold a grudge against him say that he's good at king-ing.
Both Knights: All hail King Konnan!
«You»: Remember, Drakonnan was originally a good guy. He just lost it a little when Akriloth killed his family. He only needed some time to grieve.
«Zorbak turns to face you.»
Zorbak: I don't-- so-- like-- I mean--
Zorbak: 'Cause, when I helped you guys nuke Drak's army and off him--
Knight #1: Ehh? Whatcha talking about?
Zorbak: Grr. Right, this isn't real.
«Zorbak turns around to face the knights.»
Zorbak: So you guys have no idea who I am? Never seen me before?
Knight #1: Nope. First time.
Zorbak: Y'don't know my story? Who I work for? Who my family is?
Knight #2: Alas, no. Should we?
Zorbak: Nope, 'cause this way you won't be able to tattle on who kicked your sorry butts!2 BATTLES: Knight of the Fire Orb
Full Heal after battle #2 Zorbak: Mehehe!
«You»: ZORBAK!
Zorbak: Oh, lighten up. They're just illusions. What're they gonna do?
Knight #1: Security breach on the west wall! Send reinforcements! Open fire!
«A volley of fire arrows flies in from behind you.»
«You»: RUN!!
«Escaping Battleon, you find yourself in Darkovia.»
«You»: *huff* *huff* I think-- think we lost-- them.
Zorbak: Mehehe! Worth it!
«You»: They may be-- *whew* illusions, but they can still HURT us! Uldor's illusions are THAT powerful!
«You»: Now we can't enter Battleon and-- *huff*-- where-- are we, anyway?
Zorbak: Looks like Darkovia?
Zorbak: Heh. Still as dank and gloomy as ever! I guess that even you guys couldn't clean up the place!
«You»: Are you suuuuure?
«A Vampire Lord and an Alpha Were enter the scene.»
Zorbak: Mehehe! I'm sure that these guys will assure you--
Vampire: Hello, friends!
Werewolf: Sorry, but this part of the woods is rather dangerous. We're from the Alliance - do you need some help getting through?
Zorbak: ... Gawha?
«You»: No thanks, we should be find. *grins* Although could you tell us about your Alliance?
Werewolf: Oh, you must be new to the area. We're from HULA - the Human-Undead-Lycan Alliance.
Vampire: We are dedicated to helping protect all the innocent peoples of Darkovia!
Zorbak: You guys are WORKING TOGETHER?! You usually hate each other!
Vampire: True, our people used to be at war, but we had to put aside our differences to fight the dreaded Nightbane the Dracopyre!
Werewolf: After we offed him... well, it turns out that working together isn't such a bad idea. We get a LOT more done together!
Zorbak: NIGHTBANE?! No way! There's NO. POSSIBLE. WAY. That you could defeat him without my help!
Vampire: It cost many lives, but in the end the powers of unity and friendship won out!
«You»: Huh. Looks like that whole "only Darklaw can harm dracopyres" was just an old wives' tale.
Zorbak: Look, melon-head, I don't know what third-rate con told you that, but--
«You»: Hey, don't shoot the messenger! I'm just saying what Uldor is showing us.
Zorbak: I CAN SHOOT WHOEVER I LIKE! HEY! Tweedledee and Tweedledum! Get over here!1 BATTLE: Alpha Werewolf
1 BATTLE: Vampire Lord
Full Heal after battle #2 Zorbak: ARRRRGGH! I've had enough of this!!
«You»: So, you're giving up on our little bet?
Zorbak: GRRRrrrhhhh... No, I'm... fine. This is... manageable. I can learn to live with this.
«You»: Good! Then let's head north, to Frostvale!
Zorbak: ... Have I mentioned lately how much I hate you?
«You»: Eleven times in the past hour, actually.
«Scene: Frostvale. Everything's decorated for Frostval, with lights and candy cane everywhere.»
Zorbak: MY EYES! THEY BURNNNNN!
«You»: Yep! Just imagine this happening every year!
Zorbak: BAH! NO! NO NO NO!
«Zorbak fires dark bolts at a tree.»
???: Careful there! You almost broke it!
Zorbak: That voice! It can't be--!
Santa Kabby: It's a bit scuffed, but it's okay! Oh, ho ho ho! These things are a LOT hardier than when I was younger!
Zorbak: KABROZ?!
Santa Kabby: That's me! Although people around here call me 'Santa Kabby'. It's a silly name, I know! Oh, ho ho ho!
Zorbak: What happened to you?! You used to be the second-best necromancer out there!
Santa Kabby: Ohh? Sorry, friend, but I think you have me confused with someone else.
Santa Kabby: I'm an inventor - a toymaker! I make toys for all the good girls and boys all year round!
Zorbak: You're... GOOD?!
Santa Kabby: One of the goodest! And if you're good too, then you'll get a nice gift from me this Frostval!
«You»: Remember, Zorbak, YOU were the one who introduced him to necromancy. Without you--
Zorbak: --without me he becomes a big idiot do-gooder!
Santa Kabby: Ohh, you shouldn't say such things! Bad moglins won't get any gifts from me!
Zorbak: Yeah? Well, sissies like you get your butts kicked!1 BATTLE: Santa Kabby
Full Heal Santa Kabby: Ugggghh...
Zorbak: Mehehehe! For the first time in this little adventure, I'm having fun!
«You»: Hey! He's your brother!
Zorbak: Psh. Like you've never gotten in a fight with your brother. And like always, I'm actually WINNING!
Zorbak: Mehehehe... y'know, this isn't so bad. I can take this festive garbage if I can vent my spleen like this.
«You»: !!!
«You»: (thinking) Uldor, if you have a trump card, now's the time!
Zorbak: I'm done here. If this is the worst you got, then--
???: Kabby? Oh, my Kabby!
Mu-Glen: He's hurt! Someone call a cleric!
Zorbak: Mu-Glen?! What are you doing?!
«Zorbak approaches Mu-Glen. The scene zooms in on the two.»
Mu-Glen: Helping my husband, you big brute!
Zorbak: HUSBAND?! No, I'M your husband! You love ME!
Mu-Glen: I could never love someone who hurt my Kabby like that! I HATE you!
Zorbak: NO! Sweetums, just listen--
«Zorbak tries to get closer to Mu-Glen, but is taken aback when Mu-Glen slaps him with her fan!»
Mu-Glen: Don't you "Sweetums" me! Get away from me!
Mu-Glen: Come on, Kabby, I'll get you help!
«Mu-Glen moves to Kabby and takes the injured Kabby away from the scene to seek medical help.»
Zorbak: ....
«You»: I guess that without you being your 100% EBIL self, Mu-Glen falls in love with Kabroz!
«Zorbak turns to face you.»
Zorbak: .... *twitch*
«You»: So, you can take this?
Zorbak: *twitch* *twitch*
«You»: I mean, it really looks like Mu-Glen there is really IN LUUUUUUV with Kabroz.
Zorbak: *twitchtwitch* *twitchtwitchtwitch*
«You»: Zorbak?
«Zorbak jumps up in a fit of rage and starts yelling at the top of his lungs!»
Zorbak: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
«Enraged, Zorbak shakes in anger. The anger diverts into magic building up within his staff, as he fires a dark bolt toward a tree, incinerating it in an instant. He then proceeds to fire his next shot toward you, instantly killing you. The last shot is fired toward the screen itself, which shatters. Zorbak walks towards the now broken screen, with rage filling his mind...»
«The scene fades to black and the Frostval: IAWLOC shop opens. After leaving the shop:»
Play again!
Guardian Tower!
Leave
Frostval: IAWLOC
Weapons
Solid Gold Guardian Blade [L. 1 G, 21 G, 41 G, 61 G, 81 G, 101 G, 121 G, 131 G, 141 G]
Armors
Knight of the Fire Orb [L. 1, 21, 41, 61, 81, 101, 121, 131 | 141 G]
Shields
HULA Hoop [L. 1, 21, 41, 61, 81, 101, 121, 131 | 141 G]
Corrections thanks to Archlist.
< Message edited by Carandor -- 12/10/2017 6:04:50 >
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