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2/17/2019 17:14:00   
10inchesjedi
Member

Dis:
I know this isn't quite a disaccomplishment and more just me talking about my life, somehow writing these posts has always helped me. Yesterday was my birthday, another one. Another lap around the sun. Another supposedly happy day and all that jazz. Today I actually celebrated it with my friends. Some younger friends and some of my age. And I feel lost. I'm working on two project at my university, neither is paid. So I'm tutoring high school students on Fridays. Going to the university almost every day makes me feel out of place. Everyone is younger than me and all my friends there are three or four years younger. It's not their fault, but hanging around with them gives me the sensation that I don't belong there anymore. I've already done the classes they complain about, I already have a very different perspective on the "that professor is such a jerk for not giving us a good grade". Both of the projects are with people younger than me. While in one, we're just a team of two and she thinks a lot like me, I'm fine. With the other, a team of sixteen, where the oldest of them is four years younger and barely out of the Bachelor, I feel out of place. The doubts they have, I already had them. The uncertainty of either to do or not, I already solved it. But on those points, they refuse to listen and decide to cave in to their doubts. I am not spending much time one that project at the moment.

While the young ones give me the certainty that I must move on with my life, a specific friend of my age makes feel bad for not having yet moved on. Again, not his fault and neither on purpose or things he says. Just... I've known him literally all my life and he's doing what he loves, getting really well paid, has an amazing girlfriend, all that. I am happy for him, I am. But while the two of us were misfits, it was okay. While I was focusing on my thesis and he on getting his life together, I felt fine. But now? I feel like I should be doing more than I am. Since December I have applied to so many things that take so long to reply and these three months just drifting are killing me on the inside. I want my independence. I want to have a course in life. I know what I want to do. I just wish someone would tell me when I can start.

tl;dr: I feel old and pointless.

Acc/Dis:
Well this is a conclusion that I have reached today as well. I am very intimate with two girls. They are very intimate with each other too. Today I realized that I am in love with both. Halfway to my 30s (which actually hurts to write) and I'm having a teenage drama.

Dis:
Also concluded that I'm a workaholic.

Acc:
Never forgot this forum's password in the last 12 years.
DF  Post #: 76
5/12/2019 2:32:50   
Chaosweaver Amon
Friendly!


ACC: Finally sucked it up and have committed to going to a professional therapist. Iíve had some deep down issues for years, and I really hope seeing someone will help me to truly get over them.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 77
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