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The Weaver's Web of Writings

 
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8/22/2017 12:51:44   
Chaosweaver Amon
Friendly!


This is my new discussion thread for any and all stories I post, enjoy!

Before you comment, I implore you: Please Be Blunt! You could think this is the worst piece of literary garbage you have ever read; but if you do, tell me! As long as you are constructive about it, and perhaps give me some advice on how to improve, I appreciate ALL comments and criticism. Thank you!

Current Project(s):
  • Prologue - The Weaver
  • The Chaosweaver
  • DF AQW  Post #: 1
    8/23/2017 10:44:57   
      Dwelling Dragonlord

    ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


    quote:

    She too wore tattered, stained rags, that didn't <> much to preserve her modesty, but at this point she didn't seem to care.

    do

    quote:

    They were too far away for me to hear what they were saying, but based on the body language it was clear <> there was some sort of negotiations going on.

    that

    Either “there was some sort of negotiation going on” or “there were some sort of negotiations going on”.

    quote:

    I came home, with two weeks of school left, to my father being payed by a man I didn't recognize. As I was grabbed and bound, I saw two other men pinning down my mother as she screamed. After she was knocked out, the man that payed my father cut him down without hesitation.

    paid


    In terms of story, I have two questions. 1. When do you assume weavers in Edelia to be getting a Soulally? 2. Where do Draconians come from in your setting?

    quote:

    "Growin' up, we ne'er 'ad much," he said softly "Oldest of eight I was, but now I'm 'te only one left. The others all ended up goin' down in the mines. Ne'er came back. 'Tis a common fate for our kind, I 'spose. 'Specially round Lymcrest. Us dwarves...it seem we've ne'er been able 'te keep our li'l paws off gems and such." He let out a morose chuckle. "Wasn't too bad though, once Pa was gone. Now I dun' like speakin' ill of the dead...but 'te man that gave me Mam children ain't one I dare call father."

    From what I understand dwarves in Dragonfable do not have fathers or mothers in the traditional sense. That is unless you don’t want to go with the dwarves as they were described in the new lore book in the Falconreach libraseum.
    AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
    8/23/2017 11:07:00   
    UnderSoul
    Member

    DD took care of the grammar/spelling issues, and I don't know enough about Lore to check there, but let's talk prose.

    I like this story so far. It does a pretty good job of establishing the story's setting and characters in an enjoyable way. Said characters are, at present, mostly clichés. The grown-up scrappy orphan girl. The in-over-his-head protagonist with a rough home life and Dead Parent Syndrome. The mysteriously strong man with an enigmatic past who knows more than he should. Now, this is an AE based story, so clichés are gonna be present. If not the characters, then the setting. And honestly, you handled them well. I look forward to seeing more of these people and this story.
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
    8/23/2017 13:15:51   
    Chaosweaver Amon
    Friendly!


    quote:

    From what I understand dwarves in Dragonfable do not have fathers or mothers in the traditional sense. That is unless you don’t want to go with the dwarves as they were described in the new lore book in the Falconreach libraseum.


    Ah, I vaguely remember something like that now. I'll have to check the libraseum and adjust accordingly. Thanks for reminding me of that and pointing out the grammatical errors.

    quote:

    1. When do you assume weavers in Edelia to be getting a Soulally?


    I wasn't entirely sure of this, so I figured I'd leave it flexible by inferring it was different for each person.

    quote:

    I like this story so far. It does a pretty good job of establishing the story's setting and characters in an enjoyable way. Said characters are, at present, mostly clichés. The grown-up scrappy orphan girl. The in-over-his-head protagonist with a rough home life and Dead Parent Syndrome. The mysteriously strong man with an enigmatic past who knows more than he should. Now, this is an AE based story, so clichés are gonna be present. If not the characters, then the setting. And honestly, you handled them well. I look forward to seeing more of these people and this story.


    Yeah, so far I wasn't really sure how to introduce the story without making it so heavy with cliches, but later on as it gets darker it won't be so generic.

    Thank you both for your input!

    < Message edited by Chaosweaver Amon -- 8/23/2017 18:52:52 >
    DF AQW  Post #: 4
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