4 days remain!
@Dronier Ravelin - Welcome to the Championships! Kastug is a very well rounded bio on the whole. I have a couple points where I'd like some additional detailing, but everything is balanced well.
First, there's no reference to any type of mana or stamina type resource for Kastug to use for channeling his energies for Ice Forging, Voice of the Cold, and Might of the Northlands. All of these are individually balanced well, but in order to avoid spamming any ability, let's add in some type of resource drain for constant use of them. In addition, I made the assumption that while Horn of the Mountain is active, Kastug is so focused on fighting that he would lack the focus to use those abilities. It's perfectly fine if that assumption is incorrect, but if you'd like to keep the special abilities while in berserker mode, I would either limit their effectiveness, or set a definite (and shorter) time limit on how long the berserker mode lasts.
Second, for Ice Forging in particular, I would also like you to include some sort of reference to time required for forging. For example, a single moment of intense focus should not be enough to form a Kastug-sized tower shield - and anything significantly larger than that should be beyond the feasibility of forging while in an active battlefield.
Get a new bio up with those additions and we should be good to go!
@ChaosRipJaw - Good to see you back in the events! Chiyi is very well thought through, and I can see the attention given to balancing her fire abilities. Very curious to see how her one-armed wielding of a Greatsword balances out. Approved!
@JhyShy - Hello and welcome! Ryan has a lot of detail thrown a little bit of everywhere, so let's spend this first round cleaning things up and narrowing the focus, and then see what's left to be balanced afterwards. As a general note, it looks like you're following an older template for the character bios - please grab the template from the top of this thread and organizing your ideas in that manner. Additionally, while the memes are amusing, please remove all irrelevant hyperlinks.
My first general concern is that Ryan is currently going against Rule #2: Do not use cross-element powers. This is specifically done using Desolate Reckoning, so we will need to remove the meteor, but being something like a Generalist Elementalist goes against the nature of the Elemental Championships. Remember, "Your character is competing for the favor of a single Elemental Lord in the preliminaries, and against the chosen of the other elemental Paragons in the Finals for the reward of a boon from your Lord." There needs to be a specific reason that Ryan is able to enter for Wind. Two paths I see from your bio would be either that's he's currently only limited to his Wind abilities due to the Lord's displeasure and needs to please them to remove the curse, or he has specifically learned Wind abilities to find a way to draw the attention of that Lord. You may feel free to find a different solution, but do remove this section from the bio - you are competing for Wind, and Wind alone.
My second general comment is there is a lot of unnecessary information in this bio. Things like Warrior Training, Reliance on Equipment, Lack of Area of Effect Attacks, and Indecisiveness may do great at explain why Ryan acts as a certain way in character, but they don't actually set physical limits on how Ryan must act. The bio is for specific, defined limitations that are set due to either capabilities or available equipment, not due to choices. Remove these from the bio, as well as other extra details if you run into them, and focus on what Ryan actually has with him in the moment.
Now, moving on to the specifics - starting with the Race. While I'm perfectly happing with having a unique or blend of races, please clarify any specific racial traits. Do not assume that everyone has background AQ knowledge and knows exactly what is unique about Dracopyres. If Ryan has difference in speed and strength as compared to a human thanks to his heritage, has racial traits like damage immunities/weaknesses or things such as darkvision, or something that might impact his ability to be injured and ease of recovery, that should be included in the Race section. Anything NOT specified here will be assumed to be a match with humans.
Looking at Ryan's appearance - while I appreciate the link for the image, make sure that any key details like armor color and eye color outside the mask are also listed. Additionally, while I am aware the Nightbane is a Dracopyre - this is again assuming AQ specific knowledge. Remove the reference and add any specific details it's meant to cover, like the existence/color of fur, scales, fangs, etc. (An example of extra info here is saying "the dragon arm typically has 4 large fingers" and then later specifying that "Ryan actually has 5" - start with what Ryan has from the beginning!)
Going to the Belongs - for the Mark of Wrath armor, let's again add details. Specify how tough the scales are in comparison to more typical materials like steel or leather and what material the remaining parts of the armor is made up of. Additionally, I'd like some explanation of how the cape is capable of functioning as a weapon/shield - a standard cape can be used to swipe at people as a distraction or tangle up projectiles. Is this cape a solid sheet or different in some other manner? If not, we don't need to know it can be used as a cape because, well, we know it's a cape!
Now for Angra Linorm - I'm assuming that the shrine simply floats after Ryan at Ryan's own movement pace without his intentional commanding it and performs no other actions beyond its aura to strengthen him. Let's put a limit that the totem must be in arm's reach in order to empower Ryan, since people in the arena will likely try to knock it away or trap it. Additionally, as cement is breakable, does anything unique happen if the Totem is destroyed?
Moving on to abilities: you mention that Ryan is a proficient swordsman, but he doesn't wield a sword! I'd suggest giving him one and adding it to the belongings section, otherwise there's no point telling us it's one of his best skills if he's only going to be doing hand-to-hand combat. With everything else going on with the claws and abilities though, I'd stick to a mundane sword. If you want to include his focus on strength and endurance from his training to either this or to the Hand-to-Hand section, that would be the right place to include it as that limits his fighting style.
Now, for the Stone Mask. While it initially states it's using the wind for directions, it then follows this up with the ability to see through earthly materials - which would be an Earth ability. Let's remove the stone-sight and pulls this back fully into the Wind ability - my suggestion being he can see disturbed wind currents when he focuses, so he can tell if someone is moving behind something, like seeing a trail of their movement.
And finally, the spells! I like the concept of using Ryan's emotions themselves as the magic source for these, although I'd suggest having the Revolting Distaste be a passive effect tided to the mask specifically - that way, he has the option to remove it if he desperately needs clarity. Note that removing it should not remove any acquired anger and hatred, merely stop the accumulation of them.
For Consuming Hate, the way this is worded verges dangerously close to "bunnying", or dictating what another writer must make their character do. The way to avoid this is to include ways to dodge a physical attack, resist a mental attack, and break free from the mental trap. Let's further define the attack to clarify it is specifically a claw attack (or a sword, if you add one), imbued with wind to make it slice more easily. If there is physical connection, then the target feels the hatred slice similarly through their mind. Someone with an unusually high resilience against hatred would not be effected. All others, the hatred would get weaker over time - such that someone strong willed could break free after a few seconds, while it might take longer for someone more weaker-willed without an extenuating circumstance or distraction. This way, there's a maximum limit of the hatred - and even someone with no mental defenses would eventually run out of it.
For Rising Wrath, I'm assuming that "sharp winds" are the equivalent of temporary wind blades - and that this requires two movements for Ryan to direct, first by pulling them out of the ground and second by directing them towards the target. Try to condense/simplify how this is worded to make this more obvious.
Lastly, Desolate Reckoning. As mentioned before, this is a Cross-Elemental ability with Earth, so no meteors for the Wind Entrant. That said, there's a very strong imagery here for invoking a cyclone or a whirlwind, so my suggestion would be to go that direction. All the hatred and anger stored gets channeled into the whirlwind, strong enough to push around a full-grown adult and maybe send a child flying, with the maximum radius being 5 meters (16 feet). The whirlwind is centered at the point Ryan calls for it, and ends either when it runs out of hatred (so it would slowly shrink over the next 15 seconds or so if it started at maximum capacity), or when Ryan exits its bounds. Since this would fully utilize all of Ryan's distaste, it should take significant time for him to generate enough to cast this spell again.
On the whole, this is a very fun concept! Try to narrow things down and mention only what is necessary, and come back soon with a new post for round 2!
@nield - Thank you for providing further details on the equipment and for limiting (and prioritizing) the aetheric energies! That said, I don't think you addressed all of my concerns with aetheric energy manipulation, particularly the maximum ranges beyond the source and the magnitude of the manipulation.
Are the numbers given for the various equipment (15 meters with enough magnitude energy for a severe shock for electrical energy, a couple meters with 100 degrees Celsius for thermal energy, and specifically impacting her coins/ferrous metal on hand of that size for magnetic energy) meant to also serve as her limits? If so, please post confirmation here. If not, I need specific definitions on the limits of where she can reach with these abilities, and the magnitude she can manipulate. If my assumption is wrong and she can ONLY manipulate the energies within the boundaries of a single object, please post to confirm that as well.
Regardless of the above, I would like to drop the range of the batteries - 15 meters is halfway across the arena. For an unguided bolt this is fine, but not for what is the equivalent of a honing missile. I'd drop this in half to around the 7-8m (25 feet) range).
Either give me a confirmation or clarification of the above, and I will edit in the range change, OR give me a new post with the limitations of aetheric energy manipulation clearly defined.
< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 7/18/2023 22:59:13 >