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No Small Poetry Here CC

 
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4/26/2009 15:48:04   
Smalls
Member

No Small Poems Here
So, this is to post all of your CC for my poems
I hope you enjoy them
~Bigm


< Message edited by Smalls -- 7/27/2009 22:33:55 >
DF  Post #: 1
4/27/2009 12:07:04   
Helixi
Member

Put a link to your C+C thread on your poetry thread, Smalls. In reference to the poems, I already said what I thought of them in English 101.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 11:58:36 >
AQ DF  Post #: 2
5/8/2009 22:03:57   
Smalls
Member

New Update
Thanks Helix
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 3
5/11/2009 21:47:18   
Smalls
Member

Gone and Dead a project I did for Social Studies
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 4
6/4/2009 14:03:40   
Helixi
Member

quote:

Why do I listen
to those songs

Is it true? Are you growing out of your fangirl stage? The end is nigh! :o

Anyway, go for longer, more descriptive lines. :)


< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 12:00:20 >
AQ DF  Post #: 5
6/4/2009 14:46:57   
Smalls
Member

*looks at what she's drawing* No Helix, I'm not even close to out of my fangirl stage :P
it's about something else, I'm starting to question some stuff >.>...
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 6
6/5/2009 15:41:59   
Helixi
Member

I'm going over this new poem with a fine nit comb, Smalls.
quote:

The Murderer

The sword cuts through flesh
Like a hot knife through butter.


Ending a life.

Making a murderer.

the faces of the dead haunt the Murderer.**


The face of
evil.
***

The flames licked
the blood splattered bodies.

Like a char-boiled
steak
*

The man followed through.

Day in and day out.

Until one day
he was caught
carving a body
like one would carve
a Christmas ham
making pieces smaller
and smaller.

Now he lives in a jail cell, cold and alone.

Crazed.

Begging for mercy.

Begging for redemption.

But there is none for a murderer
Whose heart is as cold as space.

As empty.


The bold words are changes I made to make the poem flow better, bold with asterisk highlights a mistake.
*How is this relevant?
**The poem is about him/her, capitalising emphasises this. It's almost a title.
***Again, irrelevant to the flow. It's not helping the flow of the poem AT ALL.


< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 12:01:05 >
AQ DF  Post #: 7
6/5/2009 18:00:17   
15cman
Member

*whew* You've got quite a few poems under your belt.I don't have time to read them all so I'll just skim.

One thing I noticed about your poems is that they are very descriptive.One example is Ebola's Grip.That's a pretty good quality, as it makes readers get a good description(if sometimes very very morbid description XD) and know exactly what your thinking as the poem unfolds.Although you use that, for lack of a better word, morbid description and the generally the same format for writing.While this is OK, it is also advisable that you try a different kind of description and and format.

For desrcription, I'm not saying go from what your writing to happy time!* I'm just trying to say go at it from a different angle.After reading(thoroughly this time :P) some of your poems that were somewhat the same in the way you write about it, I found that I got bored with it.I just stopped at some point and continued to write my review.

As for your format the only thing I can say is this:Don't let yourself fall into a general way of writing poetry.Try every way you know of writing and even every way you don't know.It's always good to get a feel for different things(examples:shape poetry is a good option if you don't know what to do, if a bit slow)

But I do like your poems.Otherwise known as school is kind of a favorite of mine, as it reminds me of MY school =P.





* (insert blanch here)
DF MQ  Post #: 8
6/7/2009 15:45:34   
Helixi
Member

Make the lines longer. Make stanzas longer. Make poems shorter overall. Please. Short stanzas and single word lines make my eyes water. D:

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 12:02:03 >
AQ DF  Post #: 9
6/9/2009 15:56:48   
Smalls
Member

Helix I /like/ my style, every person has their own style, mine's the short stanzas and lines
anyway new poem up The Best Kind of Flower
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 10
6/9/2009 20:18:49   
Smalls
Member

Three new poems (all about the rest of the members of TK, Dave Keuning [and his hair Godfrey], Ronnie Vannucci Jr., and Mark Stoermer...The first poem [The Best Kind Of Flower} was about Brandon Flowers) hehe enjoy [/fangirl]
I Now Pronounce you Man and Hair! [Dave Keuning and Godfrey]
Who is this man? [Ronnie Vannucci Jr.]
The Gentle Giant [Mark Stoermer]
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 11
6/11/2009 2:23:21   
Helixi
Member

I know you like your style, theres nothing bad about having a particular one. But don't get caught writing like that, ok?
AQ DF  Post #: 12
7/8/2009 14:07:38   
Smalls
Member

I have some new poems up....Comment? Please?
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 13
7/22/2009 17:04:32   
Helixi
Member

I guessed right; it was TK.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 12:02:50 >
AQ DF  Post #: 14
7/22/2009 17:21:05   
Samlotoflol
Member

I love the poems I can't say much else.

< Message edited by Samlotoflol -- 7/23/2009 7:11:29 >
DF  Post #: 15
7/27/2009 22:33:13   
Smalls
Member

Thanks Sam...Right about what Helix? It being about TK? :P
New thing up, song lyrics, they're bad Shadows
~Bigm


< Message edited by Smalls -- 7/27/2009 22:34:23 >
DF  Post #: 16
8/10/2009 15:23:04   
Smalls
Member

New Poem: Nevada
Enjoy
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 17
9/2/2009 15:51:21   
Helixi
Member

Heya! I like the newest one. I'll check back and maybe critique later. :3

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 12:03:30 >
AQ DF  Post #: 18
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