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RE: (DF) "Ember" Discussion

 
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1/27/2015 2:08:35   
afb728
Member

The first part of the Final 13th is up! There are four more parts, so I'm going to post one every 1-2 days.
This section was the "Big Reveal", so there's a looooooooot of exposition.

I'm also adding a Table of Contents to the first post on this thread. It's not going in the story because it'll ruin the flow.

Anyway, I'm almost done with the first story arc. Tell me what you think, and I'll have the next post up soon.

Next time: A new plot arises! What will Ember do?

--E

P.S. Sorry for the huge hiatus; I've had writer's block until yesterday.
DF  Post #: 26
1/27/2015 6:06:37   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

At the time, I had not yet figured out the way I would get at the Energy Orb, but his own paranoia led to the removal of the Orb through one of his own agents, followed by the animation of the Gnommish city that ultimately led to the Orb being placed in an easy position to be stolen.

Gnomish


So that happened. The question, of course would be why the Lord of Darkness would trust the Mysterious Stranger. Especially considering the elements have opposed the Shadowscythe for a thousand years in Dragonfable. After all, that is why the Elemental Avatars gave the Guardians the Prime Elemental Orbs to begin with.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 27
1/28/2015 1:38:19   
afb728
Member

Part 2 is up!

I was going to wait another day, but I got bored today.

@ Dwelling: The important thing here is that Voidstar isn't the Lord of Darkness. He's the Avatar. Unless he is possessed like a Tongue would be by the Elemental Lord, he is his own Entity on Lore, with his own opinions. To quote Neso in Chapter 9:

quote:

I am the Avatar. I am the power of the Water Lord, concentrated so densely in one Plane that I gained a mind of my own, unless, similarly to what happens to the current Tongue of Fire, the Water Lord takes control.


His mistakes are his own mistakes. The Mysterious Stranger promised him loyalty, and he was too pigheaded to think about being stabbed in the back. (Even though, as he mentions, this is the third time that the Stranger has done something like this.) The Elements aren't at war, but they are rivals, and most, if not all, would jump at the chance to reign supreme on Lore.


Also, regarding the Blade of Awe: I promise Ember isn't going to steal the Hero's thunder. I absolutely promise you that.

Next Time: A whole lot of character development. Also, plot. It'll be the last action part of the Final 13th, followed by two epilogues.


Thanks for reading. As always, any feedback is appreciated.

--E
DF  Post #: 28
1/28/2015 3:24:31   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

“The other was 3000 years ago and ended in a Reset of the universe. We try to forget <> it.”


5000, about


Okay, but now I am rather curious.

1. When conversing with one another, were they possessed by the Elemental Lords?*
2. When Voidstar gave the Prime Orb to the Guardians was he possessed (was it the Darkness Lord)?*
(*What warrants the direct intervention of the Elemental Lords through possession of their Avatars?)
3. In the case of the Tongue, does he or she get possessed by Fiamme who in turn is possessed by the Fire Lord?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 29
1/28/2015 23:41:30   
afb728
Member

I wasn't sure of the dates; I've found a few conflicting sources.


    1. No, I don’t think they were possessed. The Lords only come in at immediate peril; if everyone who was able to stop whatever crisis failed, then they would come in. Also, that Voidstar made the mistake of trusting the Stranger suggests that he remained himself, rather than being possessed.

    2. I don’t know. It’s quite possible, if the Lords wanted to make things more personal, but it’d be unnecessary. I kind of think that the Lords and the Avatars convened and decided to give the Orbs as a joint decision. (So it wasn’t just the Avatars’ idea that they did autonomously, or the Lords’ idea that they ordered be done.)

    3. No. They are directly possessed by the Fire Lord. Their job is to give a mortal perspective to things. However, they are not supposed to be actually full-on possessed by the Elemental Lord. That’s why the Avatar exists; if the Elemental Lord wants to interact as fully Divine, it can through possession. In a standard Tongue-type arrangement, the Mortal and Divine create a joint personality; only the failed ones have the Elemental Lord actually take control.

      Neso makes a point of saying the current Tongue. Salt is full-on possessed; when the Fire Lord takes control, all control is taken. Nothing of Salt’s consciousness remains during possession. When the Fire Lord takes control for meetings such as between Akriloth, Fiamme, and Salt (Possessed), he uses Fiamme as herself for her own personality. It’s kind of a reversal of how it should be. (But Fiamme likes to give her own opinion, so I guess it works out for at least one of the group.)

Remind me to write about the relationships between the Elves, Avatars, Dragons (And their predecessors), Orbs, and Mortals sometime. I touched on it in Chapter 9, but I’ve barely covered dragons. (Maybe as part of Book 3, when I finally get to it? Or I could do it as a text post here.)


The next part will be up sometime on the 29th EST (I'm too lazy to format it tonight.).

For those of you who read this and lurk, if you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them. Questions force me to confront plot holes and things I hadn't thought about, so I really do appreciate them.

Best Wishes,
--E
DF  Post #: 30
1/29/2015 18:06:55   
afb728
Member

Aaaand Part 3 is up!
Formatting errors were confusing, but I figured it out.

spoiler:

The hero of the Final 13th wasn't whom you expected, no? You still thought Ember would do something epic.


Originally, the
spoiler:

Blade of Awe was gong to be used, fused with the Minor Orbs, to cut the heartstrings of SMUDD, weakening him. But I really struggled with that, because it was too Marty Stu-ish. I also wasn't expecting to be quite so taken with Fluffy, but I think his character is more tragic than the game gave him credit for.


So, what do you think?
Character development too heavy, sudden, or just right? (And there's more on the way.)

Next time: Epilogue I

Best Wishes,

--E


EDIT: Speaking of formatting errors.

< Message edited by afb728 -- 1/29/2015 18:07:30 >
DF  Post #: 31
1/30/2015 5:30:06   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

The unhappy childhood of the Prince, further made unhappy by a romance that could have been and the dramatic fall from power at the hands of his beloved’s father.

This is always something I'm iffy about. The way Artix talked about it Drakath never found about Robina's true identity which heavily implies he did not know her as Victoria as the dimwitted hero instantly recognized her. So coming from Drakath's point of view I would think he'd simply think of King Alteon.

Link to original post. (Also contains official notes on the timelines. 4995 years ago if you want to get precise.)

quote:

So was a nice man in red armor, and another nice man wearing a crown.

You're not talking about Sepulchure and Drakath here, are you? (Assuming this is Elysium you're referring to.)

quote:

He touched me, and I saw a vision of him as an adult, sun sparkling off of his white scales, lounging beneath a large oak tree in the center of a meadow.

Don't you mean pink?

As in reply to your first spoiler.

spoiler:

Not really, Fluffy was the one I expected to save the day as that happened in the game.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 32
1/31/2015 19:36:46   
afb728
Member

Part 14 is up!

1. Okay, I’ll fix the dates.
2. Yes, they are Seppy and Drakath. It’s not Heaven or Elysium, technically, because their souls aren’t there, but it’s what Fluffy wanted to see. He wanted to be with the people he loved.
3. He’s white enough, I guess. I claim artistic license.

Next time: Epilogue Part II, and the end of Book 1.

--E
DF  Post #: 33
2/3/2015 1:57:11   
afb728
Member

Chapter 15 is up!

Well, I’ve written 17,000 words. 44 pages in Word, with 6 pages of outline. It’s been 20 months since this started, or about one chapter every month and a half. In that time, the character of Ember went from an immature, over-powered little jerk to someone whose powers are realistic (It took a while, but I did it.) and who actually cares for (some) other people.

So, I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts on the story as a whole. Do you agree that he grew as a character? Did he grow too rapidly to be believable? Do you like the story, or at least think the concept is interesting? Anything you’d like to see in Book 2? Anything you’d like to be explained? (But really, I love world-building, so I like explaining things.) Anything you would have done differently? Let me know, especially if you’ve just been lurking this entire time.

Book 2 will be coming in a few months, I think. I only have a general idea of where I’m going with it. The period between Books 2 and 3 is going to be awesome, however. I’m very excited for it.

If Geo is reading this, or someone has her ear, I have some questions that I’d love to be answered, because that would change some things that I might write in Book 2.

Thanks for staying with me during this last year and two-thirds. Thanks for sticking through my absences. Thanks for the feedback. And thanks for reading.

Best Wishes,
--Ember
DF  Post #: 34
2/3/2015 12:25:11   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


2. I asked because I did not associate Drakath with the description of "a man wearing a crown". Considering the stories circulating the white dragon box I thought it to be someone else.


I do not know what would need explaining in Book 2 so I wish you good luck on that. There is not much room for interacting with Fiamme when she's possessed by Wargoth and the way it looks the Elemental Dissonance wasn't resolved until after the hero dealt with Wargoth. Which reminds me, Celeritas is a bit too happy about Voidstar's defeat. I get that in your story he is a bit of a rotten apple, but the elemental dissonance should worry all of them and in the epilogue the effects of the ruined balance should already be felt by the Elemental Avatars. The thing you might be able to write about is consequently the one storyline in Book 2 which hasn't been completed yet. (The True Mortal Saga.)
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 35
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