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(DF) A Paladin's journey

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6/25/2014 14:02:01   
David the Wanderer
Legendary AK!


 Well, since I've started writing my very first AE-based story, which is the backstory of my character, I think i should also set up a discussion thread! Here's a link to the story: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=21726410&mpage=1&key=�

< Message edited by David the Wanderer -- 7/9/2014 11:38:12 >
DF AQW  Post #: 1
6/30/2014 14:26:09   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

"You've got slow, old man!"

gotten

About the story itself, is Ahtrik's pulling a Coeuraservi? (Using Paladin magic to resist lycantrophy.)

As for the two boys, are they initiates to the Church of Light or how did they get an old Paladin, loyal to the Lord of Light alone, to tutor them?

I don't have any comments other than that is looking impressive thus far and I'm looking forward where you are going with this.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
7/9/2014 11:37:04   
David the Wanderer
Legendary AK!


 On the grammar: Third time I'm explaining it ( ): Basically, yes, it's not grammatically correct, but it's an error you'd see often, to the point many people won't catch it. I think it also sounds better, more... taunting. And since I'm using it in a dialogue, and it's being uttered by a character who, amongst his crimes, cares not for grammar (a truly heinous criminal, he is!), I deemed it ok to use it.

The two boys, which will be the focus of the story, are indeed initiates of the Church of Light. Since, as far as I know, in the DF world there has never been any specific description of how the Paladin Order works, I've decided to make up some stuff: basically, any aspiring paladin needs to be tutored by an accomplished paladin (preferably a senior one) before effectively joining the order. Next chapter (which will come soon. Sorry for the delay, but the AKship tackled me as soon as I posted the prologue!) will expand a bit more on that.
DF AQW  Post #: 3
9/6/2014 7:14:59   
David the Wanderer
Legendary AK!


 At long last, new chapter! I seriously need to stop being so lazy... Anyways, hope you guys like it!
DF AQW  Post #: 4
9/6/2014 16:38:59   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Athrik’s wife, Helena, waited for him every day for two anda half years, until she passed away in her sleep.

and a

Pretty good chapter. I'm looking forward as to how you describe the Paladin headquarters in greater detail.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 5
9/6/2014 17:25:11   
Kian
Creative!
quote:

After David had lost count of (how) long he had fought, he readied himself to strike at yet another elemental, when he noticed that the chapel was empty apart from himself and the other recruits. Slowly, David lowered his sword and looked around, making sure that nothing was hiding in the shadows.


I liked it too. Especially the part with Fred vs the World Elementals.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 6
9/7/2014 9:08:32   
David the Wanderer
Legendary AK!


 @Dwelling Dragonlord: Thanks! As for the headquarters, I actually have sketched a map for them, as well as a lot of stuff (walls, floors, decorations) for certain rooms, and even some outside areas! Sadly, I probably won't be able to show all of it, since the focus will move from Swordhaven to other locations.

@Kian: Thank you too! Writing the combat scene was really fun, but now that I'm re-reading it, I think I should give Fred a win, once in a while. He's supposed to be a somewhat good fighter, after all. That said, if I ever write something from Fred's POW, it's going to be called "Fred vs. the World".
DF AQW  Post #: 7
9/7/2014 17:51:36   
Kian
Creative!


 Yeah, you should! Team Fred! :D
And I'd be honored if you were to do that ^^
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 8
11/4/2014 11:34:47   
David the Wanderer
Legendary AK!


 After ages of waiting, procrastinating and more coffee than you can possibly imagine, I finally posted chapter 2!!
DF AQW  Post #: 9
11/4/2014 15:12:10   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

He could see the tension painted of the face of the other members of the Order, and wondered if he looked the same.

on

quote:

Acolyte Reinaud, the man who had entered the chapel that night after the Elementals were dispatched, had been asking question to all the recruits who had witnessed the attack, trying to find answers to the questions David and everybody else in the keep were asking.

questions (or alternatively "had been questioning all the recruits")

quote:

The young paladin himself had answered the acolyte’s questions as best as he could, but it didn’t seem he was of any help.

like he had been

quote:

Even the ceremony that would have officially marked the recruits’ official entrance in the Paladin Order was cancelled due to the turmoil,

into

quote:

David took his <> off the sword and looked at Fred, slightly confused: “Wait, slow down. What are you talking about? Who found what?”

Something is missing here.

quote:

“How comes you’re so… nonchalant about this whole story?”

come (unless this is how David speaks)

quote:

We must get back these rings and avoid <> they are used for evil.

that

quote:

Melanie smiled softly, and risen from her seat.

rose from her seat/once risen from her seat said.

quote:

but David had his eyes fixed on the white walls of the city.

Swordhaven's walls aren't white, I'd say.

A good and solid chapter, the only issue I had with the plot was that it seems unthinkable that for such an important mission they would ask for volunteers rather than assign a group of veteran paladins.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 10
11/5/2014 11:46:29   
David the Wanderer
Legendary AK!


 Gah, did I really make all these errors? I swear, rise/rose/risen gets me every time... Anyways, corrected everything. I guess I was thinking of AQW Swordhaven, which does have white walls. DF Swordhaven is more... White/grey, I guess.

Well, some say Paladins are Lawful Stupid... Other say that just because you worship the Light, it doesn't means you can't have a few tricks ready. *throws a smoke bomb and runs away before revealing spoilers*
DF AQW  Post #: 11
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