Kooroo
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China clinked as the Director set her cup back on to its saucer, and then gestured opposite her desk. “Please,” Yvelle said, with a smile, ”have a seat. Let’s make this quick.” Devon looked down, noting the luscious, cardinal-red upholstery and then sat with a slight squelch. If his boss had the slightest bit of concern for her chair, then she kept an amazing poker face. Just like how she’d had no reaction when Devon had trudged into the office, trekking trails of blood and fleshy bits all over her floor and rug. Even Victor had something for that, gracing him with the slightest arch of an eyebrow from the far wall of Yvelle’s office. An unusual display for the amber-eyed Head of Security, a dour chap who could only display two forms of emotion—boredom and anger. At the same time, though, it didn’t really surprise him. The Director of Administration’s Executive Arm didn’t seem to care about a whole lot besides the Three Es; Efficiency, Effectiveness, and Efficacy. He’d occasionally joked to his squad mates that they should ask her to add ‘Employeebenefits’ as well, but the joke seemed even less funny now that there wasn’t anyone else alive that remembered it. “I’m sure you’re aware, but most places require a formal document to announce an intent to resign,” Yvelle explained, bridging her fingers. That drew a wry grin from him. “I would’ve sent you a text, but I lost my phone when my team exploded,” he said, gesturing at himself. “And I’m sure they’re all very sorry about that, wherever they are. If you have a complaint you’d like to raise, then you may take this up with Personnel Resources.” One of the many irks that he had with the Director was that she never seemed to be joking, despite the absurdness of what she occasionally said. He took a breath and counted internally, dousing the flickering embers of rage that threatened to flare up. Heedless of Devon’s displeasure, Yvelle continued. “Unfortunately, The Executive Arm is a touch different. I’m presuming you don’t remember the full terms of your employment?” And just like that, the anger was coming back. “There were over two hundred pages to that contract—” “Two-hundred and fifty-four pages, all of which are there for a reason,” Yvelle airily stated, tilting her head slightly. Devon was starting to feel a bit like a painting, with the way she was looking at him. A very annoyed and frustrated painting that wanted to shoot the appraiser inspecting him. His would-be critic stood and leaned in slightly, despite Devon invoking the appearance and scent of someone who regularly bathed in minced meat. “And as noted on page one-hundred and seventy-two, the minimum length for a Standard Administrator that has managed to survive and/or pass the one-year probationary period is seven-hundred and fifty years.” One part of him wanted to glare and ask how many agents managed to pass probations without surviving them. Another wanted to dash Yvelle’s pot of tea across her pretty little nose and shoot her out the window before Victor could defenestrate him too. Luckily, the third and most sensible part was in charge of the other two and it had decided the best response was to not respond, and just get fired next time. The Director smiled and then turned to face her window of the city, hands clasped behind her back. Dusk was falling outside and the various lights and beacons were beginning to flicker on, transforming the land below into a kaleidoscope of stars. Devon briefly wondered how long the trip down would be if he did go with the shooting route, but shelved the idea again. He pulled out his pocket watch and flipped it open to check the time, but the movement had completely seized when he’d last activated it. Judging by the hands, he’d slowed time down and watched his colleagues come apart at 3:54. Damn. The ex-soldier pocketed it and leant back in his seat, making sure to really spread the gore around. Still, there was one potential avenue he could explore. “I’m going to guess that the terms for those ‘higher stations’ you suggested aren’t any shorter?” “One thousand for both Exigency and Expurgation, two thousand for Tax and Debt Collection. Nine-hundred for all other Level Three positions,” she replied without turning back. Or not. He exhaled and started to stand, pushing the chair out. “Guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I? I’ll wait for your call tomorrow then.” “Tomorrow’s the weekend,” Yvelle stated, turning round to face him. “That’s never stopped you before,” Devon answered, walking by Victor, and straight out the door. He could practically feel Yvelle’s smile on him, even after the elevator slammed shut. It was almost midnight by the time Devon returned back to his apartment. Following an especially thorough shower and some preparations for the probable work day tomorrow, he was on the verge of collapsing onto the mattress. The day had been tiring enough, but the meeting with Yvelle had drained him beyond compare. That was even without considering the quick-but-horrible deaths the rest of his new Team had suffered. The repetitive and pointless deaths had admittedly started to get to him a few years ago, though he was surprised it had taken this long to affect his sleep. While he didn’t think he needed therapy—yet—he wasn’t sure if he trusted any of the quacks that the Executive Arm outsourced their Employee Healthcare to. Perhaps a promotion was the right path? The pay wasn’t much better and the hours were just as long—or worse, in the case of Exigency—but the work was relatively independent. No one else to watch out for, just like the old days. Just him and the assigned work order. Although… Devon didn’t have any details, but rumours had it that the tasks that Expurgation Agents undertook made Incident and Fallout Cleanup work look savoury. Perhaps he’d ask Ayra— The Admin paused as the vestiges of a distant memory came to him. “A way out…?” he murmured, just as she’d said to him. He set aside the shirt he’d been in the middle of ironing and went to look for his mobile. Then Devon remembered he didn’t have a mobile anymore, so he pulled on a coat and made for his vehicle. It took him thirty minutes to make it to Ayra’s place, despite the empty but rain slicked roads, and another ten before she actually let him in. After much knocking, some negotiating and—finally—a touch of bribing, Devon was sitting in her plush-filled living room, sipping hot water whilst sharing a couch with an oversized, navy-blue toy toad. The Expurgator was a woman of above average height, with black hair, ashen eyes, and eyebags that seemed especially prominent tonight. She was glaring at him from the chair opposite, dressed in a fluffy white gown whilst hugging what seemed to be a… raw chicken torso with a pair of beady eyes. Why? ‘Why’ was the question that came to mind, but he felt it wouldn’t be good to press her on that unless he wanted Ayra to throw him out. So he went with a sensible question instead. “When?” he asked, setting his cup down. ”When is it?” There wasn’t a response for a moment, just more tense glaring… until she sighed and looked away. “Tomorrow.” “Tomorrow?” Devon frowned, in both . “I thought you said this was an annual thing.” “It is.” He grinned and clapped his hands together, spreading his arms wide. “Wonderful. I’m so amazing.” “Lucker,” she muttered darkly, hugging the chicken tighter. “Luck correlates with skill, everyone knows that," he shrugged, and leant back against the toad plush. It slowly flattened and let out a high, warbling squeak as it deflated. Fascinating. “So,” Devon continued, his eyes still glued to the stuffed toy, ”how do we get there?” “Dunno.” “‘Dunno’?” He tore his gaze away and faced her again, frown returning. “I thought this was some super-grand event you’ve been looking forward to watching all year?” “Looking forward to watching one day,” Ayra angrily corrected. “How the hell do you expect me to get there? By walking? I take the bloody train to work every day. Aren’t you the one with the fancy car?” “An extremely fancy car that goes nought to one-hundred in under three seconds, but is incapable of travelling under water, through time or—most importantly—cross realms.” “Your watch freezes time though.” Devon pulled out his watch, checked how late it was, and then turned its face to Ayra. “This slows time, but it can’t teleport us at will.” “Sounds like you got scammed then,” she smirked. “Someone I’ve met has a watch that can do both.” Well, that sounded promising. “So just call them.” “What, on the phone?” “Sure. Or you can try shouting really loudly, but I think that’d just get you suspended without pay.” It was his colleague’s turn to frown. “You think I’ll be able to get someone that can cross-realms at will by phone? At midnight? And on the weekend?” “Undoubtedly.” “On what grounds?” “Ayra, I know how you love to lament on how unlucky you are and how you can never get those ‘characters’, or ‘cards’, or whatever from those phone games you’re so fond of—” “Rate up is a lie,” she interjected, worryingly quickly. “—but even you have to get lucky sometimes.” The Admin concluded, folding his arms. “Besides, I’ve got enough skill for everyone.” Ayra muttered something darkly again, then pulled out her phone and dialled in some numbers. She didn’t do anything else for a bit after and just stared blankly at the screen for a while. Just as Devon was about to check for stroke or aneurysm, she hit dial and turned on the speaker. The phone rang once. Then twice. A third time. A fourth rin— There was a crackle and a sputter of static as someone on the other end picked up. The Administrator smiled and spread his arms in triumph again. “Skill.” The first task for the first day was supposed to have been a simple one. A Practical Orientation, Yvelle had called it. Everyone started off the same way—join up with your team and just do whatever the Squad Leader told him to do. Nothing he wasn’t used to. If the situation went awry, then he could do whatever he felt was appropriate, so long as it didn’t break any laws or regulations. Easy-peasy, right? “Easy-peasy,” he repeated sardonically, as he pulled the kitchen knife free and let the last cook slump to the floor. Dropping the knife, Devon glanced around, watching and listening for any movement. Nope, nothing but a steady drip, drip. Stepping over the bodies, he moved over to the unconscious survivor, who was strapped to a counter in the middle of the room. Tracking down the kidnappers to this kitchen hadn’t been too hard, since the idiots had forgotten to toss out the S.L’s phone. Despite tracking that free handicap, however, he’d arrived outside just in time to watch them begin dismembering the last member of his new squad. Granted, he hadn’t found any bodies yet, so the others weren’t officially KIA. But there was a lot of red all over the room, and the number of wrapped plastic sheets matched the number of missing personnel. It wouldn’t be long before the lass joined followed after them, judging from her paleness and the amount of blood dripping off the table. He pressed the speed dial on his phone and threw it to the side, then rushed off to look for something to use as a tourniquet. When he woke up the next morning, Devon was feeling considerably less ‘skillful’ than he had the night prior. In tandem with the dismal hygiene of the Inn they were staying at, the room quality was subpar, to say the least. His mattress seemed to have been modelled after a camel’s back, the bathroom would have felt cramped to a garden gnome, and the dresser drawers jammed, impeding his efforts at getting dressed. Coupled together with the wonderful dream he’d had—for which Devon partially blamed the mattress—almost made him wish he could call in sick. Or alternatively, “just wait ‘til next year”. But another year under Yvelle’s thumb? No thanks. He didn’t even want to think about trying the breakfast, but Ayra had beaten him downstairs. There she was, leaning back in her seat, her feet up on the table and phone in hand, at a wonky table that belonged in a surrealist art piece. “Morning,” He grunted as he sat, tightening his tie.“Sleep well?” The Expurgator didn’t look up from her phone. She was dressed in her working clothes—black jacket, charcoal top, onyx trousers and sable boots—a perfect match for her mood, as usual. “The mattress started moving after I pulled the covers off, so I opted to start on my dailies instead.” “Fair. What’s that?” he asked, nodding at the plate next to her feet. Honestly, he was surprised that she managed to get reception, even with her disgustingly expensive phone plan. “Guess.” “A degenerate’s attempt at bangers and mash was next to her and a cup of dirt?” Devon could practically feel the innkeeper’s stare on him, but he ignored it. “Close. Dig in.” “Are you trying to off me before I get into my Arena?” A shrug, then more fingers tapping across the glowing screen. “So long as I get your car, I don’t really care when or how you cash in.” He pulled out his watch and checked it. Quarter to twelve, with the moonphase window showing the sun at its peak. “That’s marvellous, that is. Well, shall we get going?” She didn’t reply for a moment, then pocketed her mobile and got to her feet. Ayra paid the tab, then led the way out, weaving almost robotically between the labyrinth of streets, nooks and alleyways. It was only after they’d stopped outside the Stadium that Devon noticed she hadn’t brought her sword. “Not bringing your little friend?” the Administrator queried, nodding at her back. “Nope,” she replied, missing nary a beat. “Not worried about a riot breaking out? What if the locals get a little bit caught up in the moment, with all of the bloodshed and all? Think they’ve got signs, saying ‘enjoy the games, but don’t join in the action’?” “Not particularly, no,” Ayra muttered, shooting him a look that was equal parts suspicion and irritation. “I thought you used to be some big-shot Special Ops Soldier Man? You’re acting like you’ve never set a foot in an Outer Realm before.” Devon nodded in affirmation. “Yes, well. You’ve got to understand that every single one of those trips was positively filled with extravagant amounts of extreme violence. You can’t blame me for thinking that these locals might get a little excited.” She side-eyed him and said nothing, then held out her hand. “Keys. For safekeeping.” “Just for safekeeping,” he echoed, dropping them into her palm. “Of course. Well, off you go then Mister Firelord.” “Firepower, you mean. ‘Dante Firepower’, according to the Rego form,” Devon responded, unsheathing his sword and flicking the safety off. “Sure. All that firepower; that whole…. gun of it,” Ayra said and walked off. “Have fun, chum.” “Cheers, enjoy the show,” he said dryly. Now, where was he headed? Sky, was it? That probably meant u— “Wait.” Devon turned to Ayra, who’d stopped walking. The Expurgator seemed to have more to say, but she didn’t turn, nor did she start walking again. He checked his watch again. Two minutes left. He was going to be late. Just as Devon was about to walk off, Ayra finally spoke. “Don’t die.” The ex-soldier grinned. “I’ll try.” The Arena he arrived at was, simply put, grand. Which was saying something, because from what he’d skimmed, there was also a Grand Arena. Marble arches, shining columns, and the gentle murmur of cascading waterfalls all around them made for a disgustingly opulent display. This most definitely did not seem Sky-ey in the slightest, no sir. Devon made to spin on his heel, but then another gong rang out and everything went to hell. Columns shattered, arches splintered and fell away. The ground shook and cracked, throwing up clouds of shimmering dust? Or was that cloud? He steadied himself and waited for his bones to stop shaking, sword in his right hand… and watch in left? Must’ve pulled it out instinctively. Nerves, probably. How amateurish. Steady. Deep breaths. The Admin inhaled and held it, then blew out and stowed his pocket watch. It was only then that the MCs spoke, their voices echoing and dispersing any doubts about his map reading skills. Okay, so entering the right Arena. Good start. So next… His thoughts were interrupted by a voice—female and pretentious— calling from within the fog, offering…. What, a parlay? A pardon? An employment offer? Lords, no. What? The pluck of some people, gosh. Exasperated, he blew out and started vaguely centreward, sword rising as he walked, aimed towards the vapour-shrouded source of the voice. Devon waited and listened, letting the lass’ speech flow in through one ear and out the other. Then she—no, Her Majesty—shut up and he gave his response, blade bucking in hand with a violent report. The Administrator picked up his pace and reloaded, the hints of a grin pulling at his lips. And away we go.
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