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Firefly -> RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. Two new poems up. Go read! (9/21/2008 17:19:53)
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Overall comment
I'm writing this as a list of which poems are my favourite/I think have the greatest chance of publication. I hope this will help you decide and pick out the poems.
Once you pick out the poems, be sure to tell me which ones they are and I'll have my critique for them ready. ;)
This list will be divided into three parts. The first parts are ones that, imo, really have potential. The second are those I think you should give a try, and the third I think are also good, just not as good as the others.
Any poems I don't mention I probably think aren't very suitable for publication, for whatever reason. However, that doesn't have much to do with their quality; everything you write is good--printing and reading these poems made me respect you all the more as a poet.
I only read up to "Hey There" Anything afterwards might have to wait before I can give my opinion.
On poems I do put in any of the parts, I'll include a short description of why I think it's good.
This is completely based on my opinion, my preferences, and my experience in what publishers might look for in poems. Feel free to disagree, and I know I might be incorrect.
Part One:
Silence: One of the best ones in there. Very short, but very powerful. I think this really has potential.
WWII: Lovely double-twist. I think if you find someplace for war poetry, this really is fitting. I do have some critiques for a few lines that were off though.
The Road to Infinity: ...What can I say? I'm telling you, this is the my absolute, undeniable favourite poem by you. It's also tied at first place my favourite poem in L&L with Dizzy's My Home and a few of .Silence's poems. I do some critique for it if you choose this poem. I think this /really/ has potential. It's beautiful, MM, just beautiful. In fact, tell you something: this poem is one of the two inspirations of why I decided to add an epilogue to Mirrors of Perfection.
The Idiot: Very nice twist at the end. I think this has a lot of potential; I read a famous published poem with the same format (though not the same topic).
Pinned Against the Exit of the Train Station: Amazing. I love how you captured the theme here. I really don't know what to say. You've gotta take this one somewhere. =P
Jerenda's Request - 2: I really suggest you get a title for this, 'cause it's got potential. The ending was very powerful. While you might be pressed to find places that like this style, it's undeniable that this is very well written in its own right.
The Room: I liked how powerful this was, as well as how you portrayed human emotions here.
Yesterday's Sorrow: Good concept, and quite powerful.
Part Two:
Sounds: Very powerful ending and I liked how you titled this.
Crying: Nice and simple; makes sense in a good, solid way.
I Am: Twisted, but powerful. ;)
Hel: Great imagery and examples here. Strong, solid work. If you find the right place, this definitely has potential.
Hello You: I liked the figurative meaning here a lot.
The Cool Autumn Day: I like the way you portrayed your narrator here. It's very powerful.
Well How's Your Life: Depth and theme make this poetic story really strong.
The Music: I really enjoyed the structure and realism you portrayed here.
My Loved One: Great structure and down-to-earth wording.
Paranoia: The emotion feels very real and powerful here.
The Hysteric Lunatic: Shouldn't that be "hysterical"? =P Anyways, I think this is quite well written as long as you edit it a bit. ;)
The Fall through Eternity: I like the flow and language here.
The Shadow of Night: Makes sense solidly. I like it, and the structure is creative.
Part Three:
The Life of Rain: Very good figurative and literal meaning along with nice imagery. There are a few lines that can be changed. If you wish me to critique this, I certainly will point those out.
Christmas Past: Very well written. Perhaps you can publish in a series with Christmas Future & Present (if you fix up some of the iffy lines ect.)? Many magazines take more than one poem from a poet at a time. Though, it'll have to be for seasonal stuff due to the topic. =P
How: This has potential, though I think the ending could've been stronger. I'll elaborate on that in the future if you want.
Schoolwork: I really liked this one. Not sure if it's publishing material, but I liked it. =P
I Wait for You: This has an interesting concept. I see potential here.
He: It's twisted, not a surprising as your usual, but still powerful.
Childhood: You really captured the theme well here.
Rage: This is extremely distinctive and thus captures the attention.
Those Lonely Nights: Powerful, unique, amazing.
Untitled: (the really short one) If you give it a title, I think it might have potential along with other poems put together. I think I've already said: most magazines will buy a series of poems from a person to showcase their varied talents.
Hey You, Moviestar: Some parts might need some touching up, but the concept is very good.
Memories (Shade's Request): Might need a bit more transition, but it's nonetheless powerful.
Cherry Blosson Apple-pie: No, really, don't laugh! I'm only noting this in case you find a market for humour/satire/light-heartedness. This will fit right in! =P
I'll see if I'll have time to include the later poems in the list soon.
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