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Fleur Du Mal -> RE: Innocence and Arrogance ~ Clyde's Comment Thread (9/10/2009 15:40:37)
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Hay, Clyde!
Your link above points to a interesting thing, but it ain't your poetry... =P
Shouldn't the right address be this: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/fb.asp?m=16630073
As you see, I found your poem despite your attempt to confuzzle.
What about it? indeed has the feel of a rock lyric stamped all over it. Fun to read, as I instantly got a beat playing in my head while I read it. Of course, it's probably totally different to what you are hearing, but anyways...
I especially liked this line(s):
quote:
It's your emotions -
which I drive.
Tongue-in-the-cheek-rock-arrogance. Suits the whole idea of the song, imo.
One thing that I'd like to point out.
quote:
I'll pout, scream, and shout this.
I'm not quite grasping what you need the word 'this' for. Any reasonings behind that? It just sounds pretty odd and unexpressive choice for the last word in a song, in my opinion. It makes be wait as if there were some further clarification what the singer is going to scream. Possibly just my preference, but I'd take it out, because I see no reason to point out/refer at this point what is being 'shouted.
Other than that, it's a fun song!
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