RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (Full Version)

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demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/7/2008 22:37:46)

Fight For You
quote:

it's the only thing I'll never forget to do,

I'd suggest taking out that word for better flow. Other than that, good one! ^_^



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/8/2008 22:56:32)

Show Me, Tell Me, Give Me A Sign

Hope you enjoy this; lemme know what you make out of the last few lines so I can see if I delivered the right message that I wanted to. But, yeah, enjoy. :P



demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/8/2008 23:01:37)

Show Me, Tell Me, Give Me A Sign
quote:

how do you live like this every day?

Two words.
quote:

Don't really feel like stretching a hand,

quote:

though it doesn't matter how far,

I'd suggest losing the 'though', to improve flow.

It's another nice one, but I'm not sure of any message, sorry. =[



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/10/2008 16:31:19)

Of Destruction, Yet Hope

Lemme know what you think. Enjoy.



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/18/2008 10:27:07)

We Regretfully Report...

Even though I'm busy as ever, I managed to get something new up. Just for you guys. :P



demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/19/2008 18:30:07)

Of Destruction, Yet Hope
quote:

destruction, the ruining, of
for at least one, one,

Either the 'of' or the 'for' shouldn't be there, imo.
Not bad.

We Regretfully Report
...
Somewhat... profound, that.
...
(^_^)b



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/19/2008 20:18:36)

...depart?

It's report.




demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/19/2008 22:31:36)

*facepalm* Sorry... class was starting, so I was a bit distracted. =]



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/20/2008 19:10:11)

Ah, I can understand. No worries. ^^ What was the initial thought on the poem, though? >_>



demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/20/2008 21:24:43)

The fact that that sort of thing happens to someone every day, it seems. That would be my initial thought.



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/24/2008 22:07:28)

Excessum

New one up. Sorry it hasn't been frequent. Hope you enjoy it.



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/24/2008 22:22:31)

They Say You Can't

Two up. Joy. :D




demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/25/2008 1:57:33)

Excessum
quote:

Strike when you please,
losing that one person,
the soulmate, of which,
brings me to my knees.

This paragraph(?) confused me. It sounds (to me) like you're talking about how the lost person's soulmate brings you to your knees.

They Say You Can't
Nice. Touching. =]



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/26/2008 0:57:36)

Tried to fix Excessum. Let me know what you think of that "paragraph", now that I have revised it. Thanks for all the comments and critcism by the way, guys. It means more than you know.

Future



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/26/2008 18:38:06)

Wisdom

New one up.



Albino Slug -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/26/2008 18:44:47)

I like the philosophy behind it.
Good work.



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (10/27/2008 20:56:09)

Credit

Something new, peeps.



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/1/2008 13:34:58)

Bridges

Tell me what theme comes across to you.



demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/4/2008 6:00:20)

Excessum
quote:

losing her brings me to my knees.

Think comma should be removed. Other than that, great. =]

Future
...
...
O_O
Brilliant. I think this is the best so far.

Bridges
Tell you what theme comes across... PUUUUUUUN! =P
quote:

in the ever-so-changing

I /think/ that should be joined with hyphens, but I'm not 100% sure.
As for theme... dreams vs. reality?

Credit
quote:

but the fact that you killed 'em.

Need a space between killed and 'em.
quote:

You confuse me.


Stranger
quote:

Good luck, stranger.

I think you need that comma in there. Other than that, this was a good one.



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/11/2008 11:58:57)

Edited those, demolition. ^^

I'm Devoted

Finally got a new one.



demolitiondragon -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/11/2008 21:24:25)

I'm Devoted
quote:

Baby, I know its true.

Because it's a name substitute.
quote:

but feel the aura around, Baby,

Likewise for other instances.
quote:

with endless amounts of gasoline.

XD Now /that's/ original!



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/16/2008 21:59:14)

Typical

Something new up ... sorry for the inactivity. I will do my best to make that happen less. ^___^



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/17/2008 19:42:15)

Imagine

This is one of my longer ones, but one of my favorite ones I have written. Bear with me. x____x;



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/18/2008 21:38:25)

Different

Enjoy, peeps. >_>



SL -> RE: [Poetry] Comments on everything before my writing break. (11/21/2008 21:32:25)

Scars Of A Destiny

This is one of my favorites that I have written. Hope you enjoy it.




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