(DF) The Chronicles of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (Full Version)

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VanHellsin24 -> (DF) The Chronicles of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/17/2012 23:39:54)

A Better Story than most

Feel free to check on this whenever. Constructive criticism is strongly suggested.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/18/2012 16:28:41)

Finished the proluge.

Took forever...




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/18/2012 18:52:14)

Chapter One is complete.





Glais -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 2:13:44)

No comments? I shall step up to the plate then.

So far it seems a bit better then your last. Less mistakes, better dialogue, overall nothing that seems blatantly out of place in DF.

It does leave me with several questions however.

First off, you note he "Changes into his DeathKnight Armor." As if you just change and suddenly you're literally that class, when in reality class training would be a yearslength thing. This character would've trained for a long time mastering all the various skills and nuances of...Death...Knightery. You could be going for literal gamespeak stories (like Stephen Nix seems to do) but that seems to clash with the mood so far.

Secondly, a spell that makes him instantly Undead? That's...kinda the same thing as killing him and reviving him, there's no difference really. You have to die first in order to be Undead as I understand it anyways.

I believe...oh wait, I thought BattleMage was simply a type of Mage who also uses a large amount of physical combat. There's been no indication of a hundreds of years requirement for other BattleMages seen (a la Cysero, etc).

And so the character's a Dynamancer as well? So Dynamancer, Necromancer AND DeathKnight+BattleMage? Quite a lot of skills for one guy (unless I just misunderstood), though I suppose it's possible (and this is YOUR story after all, make it in a way you enjoy it most), just feels slightly unrealistic.

*Sigh* I look into these things waaaaaaaay too much.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 14:05:29)

I did mention that he is over 300 years of age.

It's like Vordred's Voiduminance. Well, basically it IS Voiduminance but under a different title in which I have to think up of a name for.

He didnt spend hundreds of years in BattleMage training. He's just been under the title of a BattleMage for his life time.

No, he just specialized in Dynamancy when training as a BattleMage, as he still uses magic with physical combat. So you can shorten his list of skills to BattleMage+DeathKnight+Necro...


However, DeathKnight is basically a Necromancer turned Warrior so....but then again....meh.

He knows so much class skills is because he can absorb the skills from living and dead people (so far it has been demonstrated on the dead Necromancer) but 3 (in your case 4) classes at one time is Alaric's limit.

How he can, well...that will be explained




Glais -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 17:11:25)

quote:


It's like Vordred's Voiduminance. Well, basically it IS Voiduminance but under a different title in which I have to think up of a name for.

[I]Which would, effectively do the exact same thing. Killing them and then Undeadifying em.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 18:08:39)

Well, this is a spoiler you're forcing me to use...


spoiler:

He can also turn them back into living beings, which takes more effort




Glais -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 18:12:36)

Intriguing.

spoiler:

With that addition, it shows he's quite a powerful character, how do you intend to make sure he has continuous conflicts that aren't one-sided?




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 18:14:23)

It depends on what should be considered "one sided"

Provide examples if you may




Glais -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 18:14:49)

Godzilla vs Bambi.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 18:17:13)

Oh dear Lord no.

Alaric is an exceptionally powerful magic User, but technically he is Bambi in that scenario with a good chance of beating Godzilla
spoiler:

Godzilla being younger Noxus




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/19/2012 20:36:52)

Chapter Two is complete.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/21/2012 13:39:42)

Chapter 3 is complete




Glais -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/23/2012 1:15:58)

Caught up. Not bad, not bad. I did find one thing kinda weird though, Alaric's teammate is also named Aisha? And Artix is working with Necromancers? That doesn't sound right.

Besides that the rest was pretty sound, nothing else for me to add really.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/23/2012 8:58:25)

Their naming is all coincidental.

The war *in this universe* has come to the point when Necromancers are fighting against the Undead Assault. Artix isnt so happy about it but any help is good help.




Glais -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/23/2012 18:53:14)

Oh gotcha. So basically I should treat this as a literal , personal canon, and basically not fret over any details that differ from DF. That will actually help me enjoy this a lot more.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/23/2012 18:57:34)

Yea, this story is purely based in the DF. No side powers or anything as far as this goes.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/23/2012 20:47:01)

Chapter Four is complete. I need some feedback on the introduction of a very out of timine enemy.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/27/2012 18:19:32)

Chapter Five is complete.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/28/2012 9:54:54)

Starting to think no one likes this story..

Meh....




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/28/2012 16:24:31)

Chapter Six is complete.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/28/2012 17:18:33)

In the process of obtaining new sources on the Undead Assault! Excited

Ok I need help finding DF Undead Assault lore




Mritha -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/28/2012 21:38:36)

quote:

He hummed a familiar song he heard his mother sang before she died.

sing
quote:

Killing it wasn't really the hard part l.

Remove the "I"
quote:

Getting the precise measurements to decapitate it's head was tricky. Especially for a Dynamancer such as himself.

Combine the sentences and replace the period with a comma.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/29/2012 8:17:09)

Fixes have been made.




VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Misadventure of Alaric Mycroft Commentary (4/29/2012 20:06:42)

Ok before I advance with a new chapter I would like answers to the following two questions:

What is the most powerful necromancer spell currently in DF?

Can the Elemental Lords be called upon easily or can they be revoked?

Who can be considered the most evil character in DF pre-Final 13th?




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