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Chesset -> RE: [Critique Requested] The Coming of the Dawn (8/27/2012 22:18:43)
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Well, this is my first critique, been kinda jumping into the forums i find interesting, so here it is.
Your storyline is great! love the characters and the introduction to the story. The one thing i think you should work on is the delivery. Maybe the point where the past is told you should put in more detail for example. But it is mainly the flow of the story seems a little shaky, try to let the topics flow into each-other.
If that didn't make sense, please tell me so i can explain. Other than that, I can't wait to see how the story continues!
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