RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (Full Version)

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0Neo -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/23/2013 19:07:33)

@dragonfire1423 you really did it this time Salem, that fight was so amazing I read your chapter twice. I really like your characters and how they act. Your chapter gave me an interesting idea....
btw, A Mary Sue basically is a perfect character but when you read the part about "traits associated to Mary Sue characters" it seems the only character you're allowed to create is a Sims person....can you believe it literally says "no katanas or SCYTHES"? :/

@hict98 your chapter was quite good. I really like how you implement characters that doesn't belong to anyone and your little jokes give it a funny trait in the middle of death and war (I wonder who was stalked by Salem..)



kors -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/23/2013 20:09:06)

One reason that they mention "No katanas or Scythes" is because of how very few Sues have any mention of a Japanese background or the universe they are in lacks any other Katanas in use or even worse a universe with no clear Japanese styled culture. As for scythe, well they were never intended for use as weapons. Both can end up sounding quite Sueish if done rather poorly, but with AE we don't really need to worry too much about either sounding too Sueish on their own. We have both types of items available as weapons so this is one of their exceptions to the rule. Any universe with the qualities already on display lowers the Sue value of them quite a bit.



hict98 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/23/2013 21:31:12)

@0Neo and Tommy Thanks for the reviews now. Also guys I'm curious as too who your top favorite characters are. Whoever you vote for will decide the future of some of the characters in my story. Just vote for your top 3.

@Kor I just can't understand how on Earth you can keep track with so many story lines. I mean I have to re-read the story just to keep track of it. It really is amazing and because you have so many different stories it is virtually impossible for the reader to get bored. Oh and somehow you managed to write a chapter that had fighting and build up all in one chapter. That's just... I don't even know how to explain how I felt about this. All in all though nice chapter.

@dragonfire and Battlemaster Your reviews are coming soon.

edit one:
@Flashbang That new ending is much better. It give me a nice chuckle.

edit 2.0
@Battlemaster For chapter 5 it was kind of short and definitely a filler chapter, but not that bad. Now for chapter 6. I like how you showed Xov as not being the chessmaster in all of this. Instead of her telling them to attack, it seemed like this was all more of the commanders suggestion.

edit #3:
@dragonfire This chapter was simply amazing. I mean the way you wrote the action is just phenomanal. I abosolutely loved it and have to say that an even fight is always more exciting to read than an outmatched one which has so far been all the other fights that I've read. Bravo Dragonfire.

edit quatro:
@Tommy I'm not sure if I gave you a review, but just in case I haven't here it is. First, just a correction.
quote:

He told Oliver about their plans and why the had made their way to the Geotian Spire>

I believe you mean they.
And for your story I see you still haven't really decided whether or not to kill Seth yet. I hope he lives as he is a character that I have grown to like now. Your last chapter was good and I liked how you actually have a clan that didn't really know what was going on. Also having everyone in Geoto clan being paranoid that there will be a spy trying to intrude their base. Finally, if you do kill Seth, I am hoping that you will have him recover and give him a worthy death. Like one that could have happened at the end of chapter 5 instead of having him die from his injuries in the hospital or something like that.



dragonfire1423 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/24/2013 0:05:54)

quote:

(I wonder who was stalked by Salem..)

I stalk EVERYONE. I'm basically Travis Touchdown with a tuxedo and a sense of dignity... No, not the one on the forums.

@Hict: Again, filler chapters are good. They can be used really well depending on the situation, and I think that taking the time to remind us what teams we're on is a good move. Heck, just look at the Elemental Competitions... They draw ACTUAL MAPS just to keep track of everything.
And for future reference, 1 gold should TOTALLY be enough... I dunno why he was so mad ¯\(o_o)/¯

@Mah reviewahs (I can feel Elryn's soul dying as he reads that):

Thanks for the reviews! As I say repeatedly, I just write action, so trying to make filler ch.s is IMPOSSIBLE for me. Also, the first few spotless fights was simply to show that Salem had enough experience to know what he was doing... Though I concede, going from perfect fights to being nearly dead is a bit of a jump \(^w^)/



battlemaster25 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/24/2013 0:36:21)

quote:

@Battlemaster For chapter 5 it was kind of short and definitely a filler chapter, but not that bad. Now for chapter 6. I like how you showed Xov as not being the chessmaster in all of this. Instead of her telling them to attack, it seemed like this was all more of the commanders suggestion.


Thanks for the review, I appreciate it.

Although I wouldn't exactly say that chapter 5 is "filler". It didn't directly advance the plot, I'll admit, but I think that introducing major characters is kind of a big deal. However, I will take the criticism on board. Perhaps dedicating entire chapters to such introductions is unnecessary......

And yes, the camp attack was the Commander's idea, Xov just basically said "sure, why not?". Of course, with how that ended, the Commander likely won't be suggesting anything else for awhile.....



hict98 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/24/2013 21:18:52)

@Battlemaster Sure no problem. Oh and I kind of consider any chapter without fighting filler. _/(o.o)\_ For example I think my latest chapter was filler.

@Dragonfire Yeah when I was writing the chapter I actually had to draw a diagram with everyone, what team they started on, what the teams were at the end, and how they got that way because I was tired and ending up confusing myself.

Oh and once again guys for my next chapter I'm going to need your help to decide the fates of everyone, so I'll need you to p.m. me saying who you top 3 favorite characters are.



flashbang -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/25/2013 15:21:41)

@Neo I noticed in when the Nocturu clan is chanting 0Neo you go like: 0Neo!,0Neo!!,0NEO!!!! It shouldn't have the comas. Unless I'm missing something.



0Neo -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/25/2013 18:46:50)

@flashbang fixed that, thanks......don't know why I put those there >_>



Seth Hydra -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 2:55:26)

Its UP! Sorry for the delay, had a few things coming up after I recovered from my illness!

Will get the other 2 remaining parts in before the end of next week!



popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 3:01:28)

Guys, a question. I'm thinking of doing (no promises though) a story of my own. Everyone who has written so far in the story thread will have a bit of their writing style in mine. I just want to ask you guys if you want me to do a seperate little mini-stoyr for each writing style, or a huge story where each chapter is dedicated to a different person. Keep in mind the mini stories may or may not be connected in some way or another, just depends on how I feel when I write. So, opinions?



darksaber22 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 3:43:24)

@ss2195 well ss i have to say that this chapter was worth the wait and it is really building up to something big happening in the next few chapters so good to see it was worth the wait and i can't wait to read the rest because i can tell something big is about to go down :)



Seth Hydra -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 4:57:42)

Chapter 8 is also up! ^You're character is now free!!

Sorry, its not that I wrote it in a hurry, Id already reached the ending by the time I posted chapter 7, SO ENJOY!

@Popinloopy : HUge story sounds great I guess!




darksaber22 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 5:10:07)

@ss horray my character is free :) but any for saying how quick it must have been written it is a good chapter and i am guessing there is going to be a lot of action in the next chapter because of the way this chapter was but anyway nice job



0Neo -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 10:55:19)

@ss2195 that was great. As always, you describe good fighting scenes with some puns to give it a funny touch in moments that would normally be taken seriously. Now I really want to know why did Seth used the beacon. Also....that Truphma you claim is in our dungeons won't stay there for long.....prisoners we really don't like end up in Drell's kitchen *evil smirk*

@popinloopy I think the huge story would be great but many different small stories would be more original. I think you should do what you feel like doing



hict98 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 16:36:34)

@Popin I would prefer it if you wrote one big one, but you do whatever you feel like.

Oh and guys I only need 1 more vote for which your favorite characters are. Just pm me saying who your favorite, second favorite, and you third are.

@ss Your review is coming soon.



popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 17:10:54)

Big story it is. Thanks guys. Also, to those saying "Do whatever you want" the reason I asked in the first place is because I am bad with decisions... So yeah, thanks for an opinion, though. This is gonna be fun...



flashbang -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 18:36:13)

There may or may not be a pun and a reference to MLP:FIM in one of my chapters.



popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 19:23:36)

@flashbang
I think writing a chapter dedicated to your writing style is going to be interesting...



kors -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 19:39:03)

Okay third times the charm right?(Stupid internet vampires eating my connection) Today is Kor's anniversary, and to celebrate I shall give him his first published victory! Kor and 0Neo's plot won't be followed on in Part VIII: Passion Burning the Dullness since they hogged up a whole Part to themselves. Sorry for not giving 0Neo a larger role, but I went in wanting to focus on Kor in this one. What do you guys think of this one? I admit it is a bit of a quickie but I tried to make it as good as I could with the limited time I had to work on it.



0Neo -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 20:13:33)

@kors it was a good fight. Don't worry for not giving 0Neo many things to do, what he did to the dragon was good enough, besides, this was kor's spotlight. I made a whole chapter for 0Neo's.....you even included him in your moment and for that I'm grateful. Until the next amazing chapter you write



flashbang -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/26/2013 21:40:31)

@popin And what would my writing style be? I just do what I feel like.

@kors Imma read your story now.



popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/27/2013 0:11:42)

@flashbang
Do you really want to find out? By writing style, I mean in this particular thread, not in general.



dragonfire1423 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/27/2013 0:58:24)

I'm back from being dead! And by that I mean I'm playing Elsword more than being on the forums, but whatevs!

I think a story is FAR overdue from you, Popin (^w^)



popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/27/2013 1:05:01)

@dragonfire
Well, I hate to dissappoint... Let's see, what IS the writing style of everyone so far? Hmm... Silly, attention to detail, plot twist, focus on characters, focus on origins, focus on fights... Heck, I might add a chapter for Elryn where everyone is spell-checking each other. The hard part for Elryn will be finding real mistakes and intentional ones when he goes over my story...



Seth Hydra -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (7/27/2013 6:05:28)

Just a little something from the next chapter

spoiler:



Seth gasped, as he freed himself from Bayyne's guillotine grasp. The spell he had casted to free himself from Bayyne's grip was weak but effective, but the downside being that the whole room was now shrouded in darkness.

Bayyne bellowed "Bayyne, you merely adopt the darkness"

"I was born in it!"

"Molded by it" He continued.

From a distance, Seth spoke "Ok you fight like a pokemon, and but at times talk like you belong in a Batman movie..."

"For Lorithia's sake make up your mind you split personalitied behemoth".

With this, Bayyne felt a a swirling of wind, and then a gigantic flame appeared to be moving towards him.
He realized this was Seth's ploy to take advantage of Bayyne's weak hearing and attack from a distance. He tried gripping the flaming shockwave, but the heat seared his hands, and the force sent him sprawling, until he reached the other wall of the room.

The heat of the shockwave had dissipated the dark energy, and returned the room to a dimly lit state.

Seth saw Bayyne standing up. He looked shaken, but stood tall and sturdy as ever.

He removed his breathing mask, to reveal a series of gaps.
"He spoke, I haven't used this technique in years, never have I been pushed to this limit. For that I applaud you, but for that you must also die!"

Bayyne's body tattoos began glowing, and stitches began appearing throughout those tattoos.

He then let out a loud moan, as his body began splitting.

Seth switched into his Decimator once again, to defend what was next, drawing out his Gaia shield in place of his Krenos Essence katana.

When the process was complete, three beings stood in Bayyne's place. Each almost identical, however less muscular and looked far more agile.

"Great, just Great" Seth sighed, "First he's a Bayleaf, now he's a Sceptile. You really, really need to see a Psychologist you know".




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