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6/25/2008 14:13:27   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


OMGBBQ!!!

The Steakhouse: Stories
The Steakhouse: Other
The Steakhouse: AE
Think, Question, Repeat (If Desired) / Stripes - My poetry
Mr. Johnson, County Taxman
This Thing Called Human


< Message edited by Cow Face -- 5/21/2010 12:09:36 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 1
7/7/2008 11:39:22   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


The Saga of Half-Drakel Warrior has finally been completed!!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 2
8/11/2008 16:23:57   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


A Lesson On Terran Geography added! I hope you all like it. Remember, these are all jokes. Don't get offended.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 3
10/1/2008 10:04:56   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


A Shift Of Planes added. This is an article that I wrote for the website Homigawd, Why!?, under the name "Professor Dragon."
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 4
10/22/2008 14:06:54   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Kiriana Backstory entry added. This is the backstory to a game which I was writing for, but production was ceased due to the disappearance of the game lead.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 5
10/24/2008 11:13:28   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Cow Face News: Edition 1 is up. As stated in the beginning, most of the situations and events described therein are completely fictional, with the exceptions:

George Washington really did have a pair of lead teeth.
Adam "Pacman" Jones really did fight his bodyguard.
A parent really did request that the smoking scenes in Tom and Jerry be removed.
The value of a human life really was (theoretically) determined.
There has been poisoned toothpaste and milk recently.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 6
11/5/2008 13:31:25   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Dialogue, Richelieu-de` Medici

This is something I did for my World History class, but I thought it was interesting enough to post here. A bit of historical fiction, anyone?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 7
11/5/2008 15:52:20   
Firefly
Lore-ian


I liked the history dialogue. I'm not the greatest history specialist around and my knowledge of French is meh, but I think you captured the essence of medieval speak without getting too ye olde (fact: the Elizabethans /did not/ speak like Shakespeare's characters did in his plays). Hmm, I wonder, the Cardinal really wants some power, eh? =P
AQ  Post #: 8
11/5/2008 16:03:39   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Thank you very much for the comment! Oh, and you received Reader Points for being the first to comment on the Steakhouse.

Indeed he did, so far as I know. From what I have heard/read, he was a rather ambition man.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 9
12/3/2008 16:05:55   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Another World History assignment, this one being a dialogue between an opponent of conscription, and a French representative. No, I don't just like France's history, it's just that I have received to assignments concerning it. ^_^

Conscription Dialogue

In addition, a silly review I wrote for Cysero's Defenders.
ButterQuest Review

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 12/3/2008 16:24:16 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 10
12/10/2008 14:50:20   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


A purely silly ramble for you all: I Was Wondering.

These are the thoughts that dance through my head at night. Much like sugarplums.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 11
6/16/2009 10:38:52   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


It's been a long time since I last updated this. However, boredom can lead to creativity! :o A double-update for you.

Checkers - An upbeat story about a life-insurance salesman and his first client, an old man.

One Night's Conference - A downbeat story about a strange amalgam of creatures discussing what to do with a dead man. My first foray into a more abstract style.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 12
8/7/2009 14:36:07   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


A mildly dark social satire: We Apologize For Any Inconvenience
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 13
8/27/2009 14:39:19   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update, with an illustration by me (run away)! A tale concerning the dangers of mindless conformity: Model Citizen
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 14
9/11/2009 12:44:02   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update for 9-11. In Remembrance
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 15
9/14/2009 14:29:55   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update - An abstract story about escaping from the prisons which we build for ourselves. Escape
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 16
9/15/2009 12:39:20   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi! I am here to pay a surprise visit to your prose thread. =P

Without further ado: I read your latest addition: Escape. In general, you have a good theme and an execution to match it. I could feel for the narrator strugging against his/her confinements. You had managed to capture a crucial part of the suffocating feeling of a self-made prison.

Imho, there are a few things that could still be improved. One of them is the slight obscurity of the piece. On the other hand, a person fighting for their freedom under such heavy weight you have described, may not see everything clearly. Their view might be somewhat blurred. But is it too blurred for the reader to follow? I got a little confused when this
quote:

I had just enough slack to stand comfortably- well, as comfortably as was possible when my feet were being cut by the rocks.

was followed by this
quote:

I ran toward it, and threw my entire weight against it, to no noticeable effect.

without further transition. I saw that the scenery, the prison was evolving and changing through the narrator's mindscape, but this sudden change from having very little slack to suddently running against the stone felt really confusing. I assume I was waiting for a clearer change in the mindscape before the person could take the steps as to run against the pebble. Might be just me though.


Since the overall mood is pretty heavy and desperate, this latter sentence sounds really odd:
quote:

Some amount of time passed, but was it seconds or years? Probably the former, because I was not yet hungry.

The fact that the narrator can't tell the difference between seconds and years works, but the fact that his/her reasoning for seconds is formulated in a very nonsensical way, makes the former sentence sound pretty comedical, imho. I find it very odd that when the narrator is considering about such a long time as years, and finds him/herself not hungry, (s)he still says 'Probably'. I'm also failing to see what else the 'hunger' would represent here but the pure physiological need for food. And that's why I find this somewhat comical and contrasting the general mood.

My suggestion for you to freely use or discard would be a rewording:
'Time passed, but was it seconds or years? Surely not years, as I felt no hunger.'
Imho, substituting 'probably' with 'surely' would give more sense to the latter sentence, if the narrator is going to use the hunger as the measuring stick.

This is a very minor detail:
quote:

No breath had ever been so sweet before.

Imo, this sentence has a bunch of little words that, eventhough stating an important change, are not that describing. So, I'd like to suggest cutting down the words or replacing them with stronger ones, eg:
'No breath had ever tasted so sweet.'
or
'Never before had I breathed in so deep.'

As a whole, you have used a lot the verb 'to be' which isn't always the optimal in terms of expression. I don't know if there's any reason to start butchering those away, though. It just might be something for you to look at. Where would the balance between 'things just were like this and there was nothing I could do about it' and 'the heavy weight of the grim walls pressing down on me, squishing me, until I clawed my fingers into the concrete' be? The first describes helplessness, the latter suffocation but fighting against it. It's for you to decide which works better for your story. If I'm even making any sense here... =P

Hmm, I can't seem to be able to think anything more to babble my opinions about... I hope you find some use for this post. =P
DF  Post #: 17
9/15/2009 15:26:59   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Gasp, ninja-cat! Thanks a lot for the comment, I'll get to work on it. ^_^

1) Ick, you're right. I think I'll remove the bit about slack, or at least increase the length of the chains. Thank you for pointing that out.
Changed to "I found that I could stand comfortably- well, as comfortably as possible when my feet were being cut by the rocks."

2) Once again, I agree with you. I had been attempting some dark humor, but you're right that it doesn't really fit. I think I'll change it to your suggestion.

3) That is needlessly wordy, yes. Changed to "No breath was ever so sweet."

4) I used it four times, according to Control+F. Changed the first to "I refused to swim out of that puddle only to die chained on this never-ending beach." and the second to "It seemed miles away ..."

That was very helpful; thank you again!

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 9/15/2009 15:27:24 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 18
9/15/2009 15:41:20   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Glad to be of help!

I just wanted to add that I actually meant both 'to be' and the past tense 'was' with that last comment. I shouldn't have used quotes in that comment, sorry to leave it unclear.
DF  Post #: 19
9/16/2009 12:27:26   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Oh, I see; that makes the count noticeably higher. I went through and changed the 'was'es which I felt could be better expressed in a different manner.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 20
10/6/2009 11:17:15   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update - A tale inspired by the "selling your soul to the Devil" stories, but with a more modern interpretation. Freedom and Captivity
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 21
10/19/2009 12:25:01   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update - A story written mainly during a really long doctor's office visit. My pacing back and forth reminded me of a caged animal, leading to the opening. The ending differs from my original idea, but I hope that it has more impact this way. Abstinence of the Observer
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 22
10/26/2009 11:42:27   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update - An essay celebrating individuality. Off-Key
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 23
11/12/2009 14:32:15   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


Update - My first foray into a pseudo-horror genre. Mirrored
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 24
11/16/2009 11:15:20   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


I have written an update/prequel to Mirrored, edited into the first of the message. It is called Regrets, and will hopefully lend more depth to Tobias' character.

Further update: a story concerning equality movements which end violently. Crucifixion
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 25
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