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The Deathscythe Chronicles ~Comments

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7/17/2008 4:06:34   
Cheddar
Member

This is a Fantasy/Science Fiction Trilogy I am working on, based in a man-made virtual Reality in the year 3,000 AD [approximately].

Endgame

Antireality

Re-Creation (Name Pending)

[This information has been deleted due to being inaccurate.]

Note: If you find ANY errors at all, please let me know, whether they be typos, improper grammar, misuse of terms, or if you think there would be a better way to word something [my sentences can get pretty wordy if I do not pay attention to what I am writing >_>]. Also, please put anything that would spoil the plot in spoiler tags. 
[spoiler][/spoiler]


spoiler:


Hey, it's 2012 now! A few years after I originally wrote this. These days I am a much better writer, in my opinion (perhaps others would beg to differ). Only problem is, I haven't been writing a lot!
So here's the thing. I have written and rewritten this story from start to finish numerous times since its inception in October 2006.
Anyways, I am in the planning stages of what I am fairly certain will be the final rewrite. However, there are a lot of changes. It will still be three books, but Re-Creation is not part of the trilogy anymore. Instead, I am breaking the first book into two and keeping Antireality. So here is the new lineup:

Gameworld Start - Up through the end of the war between the Good Side and Evil Side.
Endgame - Takes place from the end of the war up to the Endgame prophecy.
Antireality - Saving Private Ry—err...Zare.


< Message edited by Cheddar -- 3/14/2012 21:35:48 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
7/17/2008 9:14:52   
Crimzon5
Member

Heh, Deathscythe is a gundam. Oh well... time to read...

quote:

with a large castle placed in the center, facing the Starting Point Building where the train had departed from.
Capitalize the w

quote:

Shortly after unboarding, a huge blimp flew by town. On it, a huge television-type screen was mounted.
That's not a word

quote:

"It is called Munny. It is spelled M-u-n-n-y, with a capitol M. You will notice that many words in this game are capitolized, due to significance and language variations.


Change the o to an a

That's all that I could fin in the prologue.

It's getting interesting though.

_____________________________


Can you see the Visions?
AQ DF  Post #: 2
7/17/2008 17:53:53   
Cheddar
Member

Okay. For that first sentence, I completely changed it, combining it with the previous sentence and adding more description to the town: "...filled with wooden and stone houses, many shops and merchant tents, and a large castle placed in the center, facing south to the Starting Point Building...".

As for the second sentence, I fixed it to say, "Shortly after stepping off the train..."

As for the third sentence, thanks, I am changing that now.

I will also revise this chapter to add more description. There are some sentences that are just plain and un-thought out. I will edit this after revising the Prologue.

Edit 1: Heh. Found out my laptop wasn't getting fixed today. Anyway, it still doesn't matter, 'cause now my laptop is being retarded and won't even start. Anyway, I am using my crappy desktop and have completely revised the Prologue. Not much changed, though two important things that changed were that you find out that Rouge, Adam, and Samantha are English [they don't have a 21st century English accent, though. The AOO got rid of that during the late 26th century...though some NPCs on Hearts were given accents] and Rouge had a thought sequence that explained this gut feeling that she had that she was tied to those crash pods in some way, particularly the one that Zare Lewkor was in. ALSO, I revealed Ada's name through speach, so now you do not know his name without him even saying it =P. I also introduced Game Nicks. Ada has two: Adagamefreak and Teh Vorpal ArchPaladin of Light.

Edit 2: I have finished Chapter 1 and revised the part I had already written. I also added a segment at the beginning of the chapter where the current Master of the AOO inspects Lewkor's crash pod [this part is not very significant to this book, but to the second and third, the Master and this "Them" that he speaks of are very significant].

< Message edited by Cheddar -- 7/18/2008 18:29:28 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
7/18/2008 19:36:54   
Cheddar
Member

Update: I just finished Chapter 2: The Neutrality. I also added a bit more text between Rouge and Lewkor when they first met. Just so you don't have to go back and read it, Rouge mentions how, Lewkor is 'different' than most people. She referred to his body shape and his ears. In the year 3,000, Humans have evolved to have pointy ears and to be more muscle-y and tall [though there are some exceptions]. In the year 2,500, what people from the year 3,000 refer to as Humans were referred to as Gray Elves. Btw, I will explain some other time why Humans mutated to have pointy ears [though I cannot say I know why they evolved to be strong and tall...that was based on another evolutionist's theory].

[Additional updates deleted. This post was way too long.]

< Message edited by Cheddar -- 3/14/2012 20:52:21 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
6/8/2009 8:45:32   
BrantePyrus
Member

I like this!

But, do you mean Rouge? That's a type of makeup. If you mean rogue, like, villain, class, its R-O-G-U-E. While I suppose that could be your intent, I doubt it. Feel free to correct me on that one. I'll have more C&C as I have time to read more.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 5
9/29/2009 10:54:47   
Cheddar
Member

Ah! I cannot believe I received a comment on this three months ago without realizing it >.<. Well, although you probably will not see this comment, considering you posted so long ago, it is meant to be Rouge, not Rogue =P. That is, you are referring to the person, right =P?

Btw, for anyone who cares, I recently tried completely revising what I have now and then working from there, but my only save file of it was on my late HDD which took a nosedive. So, I lost that progress =\.

[Additional information deleted. I came back to look at this post later and realized there was a bunch of superficial information there.]

< Message edited by Cheddar -- 3/14/2012 20:55:19 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
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