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Turning the Tides of War - .::Comments!::.

 
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5/3/2010 13:15:05   
superjars
Member

Here is the comments section for my Book of War Epic Poem, currently being written here. Please make any comments or criticism that you may have.

This will be written in a style similar to the Iliad or the Odyssey, detailing the War of The Great Cataclysm, a small part of one of my narratives.

< Message edited by superjars -- 5/17/2010 16:16:55 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
5/3/2010 13:24:59   
Postmaster General
Member

I have a certain soft spot for epic poems and fell in love with the Iliad. I will definately be keeping a close eye on this story.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 2
5/3/2010 15:09:09   
superjars
Member

Another section of the poem is up for your criticism. :D
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
5/13/2010 19:17:29   
Postmaster General
Member

A few things I would suggest for format would be to keep the disclaimer above your poem in the C&C thread. I feel it takes away from your poem, which is very good. Also, I would consider centering your poem, and maybe even Italics, as it adds a more legitimate element to your poem, although these are just personal preferences.

As for actual C&C:

quote:

The betrayal of the great knight Balmath was


Balmath should be set off in commas, it does not add syllable, but would still follow conventions of writing. So, one comma before 'Balmath', and one after.

quote:

from the noble man who was champion for good to
fury incarnate, the loyal servant to the Great Cataclysm.


Another example of being set off in commas, here you set off fury incarnates second reference ,'the loyal servant to the Great Cataclysm.' So I would say to put a comma after 'man' and one after 'good'

quote:

still the booze


I feel like 'booze' wouldn't be the best description of alcohol to fith the epic poem style. Perhaps something like 'ale', 'liquor', or 'meade'.

Other than these small points, this is a very good start. I really like it and can't wait for more!

*Looks at calendar* You better get started! You're running out of time!

Good luck!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
5/14/2010 17:47:14   
superjars
Member

Another section of the poem, this one introducing a new character... :D
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 5
5/17/2010 16:18:23   
superjars
Member

Final update: I finally finished my war epic poem, gave it a name and broke it into sections. Let me know if you can any way I can improve on it at all!


< Message edited by superjars -- 5/17/2010 16:25:01 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
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