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RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism

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9/30/2011 21:29:39   
Mordred
Member

Demons are an odd bunch. They aren't a specific race, like elves or humans or orcs. They all share similar traits, but also have differing ones. You have corrupted demons and elemental demons. Elemental demons are elemental spirits(also an ambiguous term) that do not serve their Lord. Corrupted demons are beings that have been consumed by an emotion and become a demon because of that.

The demons in Limbo as I portray them were once a band of magi who sought to better understand the Void. They foolishly ventured forth, and became trapped. Over time, they were consumed by their emotions, and became demons. Part of this, though, also granted a means of escape. They developed heartstones, which would allow them to leave Limbo. However, if it were destroyed, they are dragged back. While in Limbo, the demons learned of the god, Chaos, and came to worship him. Their king, Krag'Triskeroth, thought himself to be an avatar or communicant for Chaos. With thoughts of his old home, Lore, on his mind, he sought to return there and wage a war to reclaim Lore in the name of Chaos. So, he began sending forth his scouts, who were discovered and sent back or slain by members of the DragonLord Order. With their hearstones broken, Triskeroth slew them, as he had no further use of them. He eventually went forth himself, confident that he could crush all who opposed him. Thus, he crossed paths with Mordred and Arthur, and was sent back. He ended up bringing Arthur back with him, though.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 176
9/30/2011 22:33:46   
aizenv3
Banned


 Sounds like Dante's Inferno ( the game version ). He had to get Beatrice back from the 9th circle. I read the poem, which is better IMO
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 177
10/1/2011 12:38:59   
Mordred
Member

I've neither played the game nor read the poem. So, pure coincidence. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 178
10/1/2011 12:42:53   
aizenv3
Banned


 Read the poem *although its more of a book*
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 179
10/1/2011 19:59:45   
Mordred
Member

Sizable update just now! Over 15 pages in Word have been added! Wahoo!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 180
10/1/2011 22:12:31   
Razen
Member

I have finally caught up, you already know I've helped you out with a lot of typos that no one else seems to have found. /ShiftyEyes And, I will say, not only art thou character infinitely times more powerful, but so art thou writing skill.

Enough so, that it inspires me to continue the Book of Razen...

< Message edited by Razen -- 10/1/2011 22:13:08 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 181
10/2/2011 10:05:01   
Zarkalor
Member

...My slow-reading has taken me to the point where Mordred suggests that the elders remove the powers of the lesser dragonlords. And when I read what Mortimer said ("My son, such actions art unethical and immoral. Such a plan put forth to the Council hath been unanimously denied.") The only thing I could keep in my mind was imagining Mortimer saying "Son, I am disappoint." it made the scene a lot more funnier for me. Anyway, reading ooooon...


Edit: Progressed a bit by now, and I really must ask for a picture for what the Citadel looks like. If you could get one of the artists from Creative Boards to draw it for you, it'd help us readers a lot in understanding the complexity of the building. Maybe I'm the only one having a hard time imagining the scale of the fortress, but really, it's such an impressive design in words, it'd be just awesome in art form. You know what they say, after all. One picture equals a thousand words.


< Message edited by Zarkalor -- 10/2/2011 16:10:21 >
DF AQW  Post #: 182
10/2/2011 17:12:25   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 How in the world did you think up such a complex storyline? I keep on getting lost... nevertheless, it is very good.
So now the 'hero' of the tale knows his role in this... bet he still will try and defeat mordred. At this point, it seems only Mordred can defeat mordred, he is way too powerful.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 183
10/2/2011 18:28:32   
Mordred
Member

quote:

The only thing I could keep in my mind was imagining Mortimer saying "Son, I am disappoint."

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
quote:

How in the world did you think up such a complex storyline?

It's an odd tale. At first, I just wanted to tell a generic story where the Master was a generic lich that Enduras would fail to beat on Terra and end up having to team up with his Lorian friends to exorcise him. Yeah, bad idea. But after I examined all of the nuances of DF more closely, I began to make connections and theories and applied them to this. And this is the result. It's come a long way, and is nowhere near over just yet.
quote:

At this point, it seems only Mordred can defeat mordred

That's far closer to the truth than I expected any of you to get at this point.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 184
10/2/2011 20:22:24   
Mordred
Member

Another update! Smaller, this time.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 185
10/2/2011 20:23:39   
Mortarion
Member

Aghhhhhhhhh too much, too much, overload, Mordred Tumulario, yes I am calling you Tumulario, care to check my L&L?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 186
10/2/2011 23:24:20   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 @Mordred don't drop so many hints then.

Hmm, so Mordred's old dragon reconize's enduras, despite never seeing him, and think he's similiar to one of the old Dragonlord's... Hmm... and enduras changed a bit to a elf-ish character when the dragon showed up? Either I'm crazy, or that is a very obvious hint. To what, and if right if tumaltu know that, is a much better question...
And it seems good Mordred has finally made an appearance, why and how who knows, but mordred's avoidence of him is odder. What does he have to fear?
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 187
10/2/2011 23:34:40   
*Nova*
Member

Even though you had him killed off, you used the name, 'Harry.' It's a good name, in my opinion. (;
DF MQ  Post #: 188
10/3/2011 0:12:12   
Glais
Member

quote:

Either I'm crazy, or that is a very obvious hint.

Hm, I think my subconscious had a similar conclusion, if we're thinking the same thing. Course, I haven't even read this yet, but considering Enduras' lack of memory of origin, and Tumultu's need for him then adding the fact that Limbo screwed with Tumultu's time...

EDIT:I'm at the part where Tumultu kills Mortimer with an ice spike, all I can think of is GIGA...DURILLLL...BUREEEEAAAKKKKERRRRR!!!!

Saw that scene a week ago and it's still stuck in my head...

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 10/3/2011 1:44:36 >
DF MQ  Post #: 189
10/3/2011 5:42:27   
Mordred
Member

I will neither confirm nor deny any speculations regarding Enduras. There are multiple possibilities.

quote:

And it seems good Mordred has finally made an appearance, why and how who knows, but mordred's avoidence of him is odder. What does he have to fear?

Well, you'd have to look at what good Mordred actually is, first. He's the visible(to Tumultu) manifestation of the traits Mordred lost when he imparted his consciousness into the Elemental Planes. They had to go somewhere, and they've recently begun to be much more noticeable. There are several possible explanations for this as well. they could have been scattered like mana, and infused with Creation. Or they have taken refuge within remnants of his past; Ivanur(his old sword), Mortimer, Arthur, etc. They could have been around him all the time, and are trying to reunite with him. Who's to say?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 190
10/3/2011 6:04:43   
Razen
Member

Found some tyops as always...

quote:

a helmet-like carapace atop is head.


I don't really have to tell you what's correct there, do I? :P Its.

quote:

Its flesh was black and leathers


I'm sorry, but what? ...I'm pretty sure that should be leathery. xD

quote:

“How dots thou know of me?” the dragon called out.


Dost. Come on, I thought you were supposed to be giving me archaic lessons, man!

quote:

Thou canst not let the life or Mortimer or myself be lain aside in vain!


The first or should be of.

Anyways, I'm quite interested in how there are now two Tumultu...his past emotions trying to return is something I will commend you on most definitely. This is still one of the best stories I've read...you have a good idea of the proper amount of detail, action, and dialogue so as to prevent boring the reader, but not have one liners. xD
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 191
10/3/2011 10:41:35   
Glais
Member

quote:

I will neither confirm nor deny any speculations regarding Enduras. There are multiple possibilities.

Indeed, I realized this reading the part where Arthur meets Enduras.

So for now I will just say he's an Ancient Alien clone and wait till I'm wrong.
DF MQ  Post #: 192
10/3/2011 16:44:29   
Razen
Member

Glai, WHAT IS WITH YOU AND ANCIENT ALIENS? xD

Anyways...I may need to reread the earlier parts of this to remind myself of the earliest members...then compare and contrast to Enduras. Fortunately, we know Mortimer is out of the question...I'll be back! In 7.

And, we're back...we being me, myself, and I. Anyways...from the lack of names on the Elders of the Dragonlord Order...I will almost dare say Enduras is attached to some degree to Mordred's lost emotions...or more so. There seems to be no more hints than that.

< Message edited by Razen -- 10/3/2011 16:55:34 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 193
10/3/2011 21:31:16   
Mordred
Member

Pay attention to the smallest of details. I left a VERY important clue that's seemingly unimportant at first.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 194
10/3/2011 21:32:38   
Mortarion
Member

MORDRED!!!!!, can you read my L&L, I need the review of an amazing writter as you ^_^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 195
10/3/2011 21:34:20   
Mordred
Member

I'm trying. I've been quite tied down, and I won't make any comments until I've read everything currently up. So, please be patient; there are MANY L&L's I need to read.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 196
10/3/2011 21:35:33   
Mortarion
Member

BUt not many need as much help as I do :'(, also a tip based on the lenght of this L&L, perphas you'd like to divide chapters and put a sort of guide, to make reading it easier, so have you liked what you have read so far?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 197
10/3/2011 21:40:42   
Glais
Member

quote:

Pay attention to the smallest of details. I left a VERY important clue that's seemingly unimportant at first.

I can't help but think I already know what it is.

@Razen:Same with OP characters, blame my brother xP
DF MQ  Post #: 198
10/3/2011 21:41:06   
Mordred
Member

The first chapter is not yet complete. I'll split it once it becomes necessary. I will tell you the layout, though.

Chapter 1: Beginning of the L&L, spans up until Enduras must travel to other worlds to stop Tumultu.
Chapter 2: Enduras, working under secrecy and through others, will be struggling against Tumultu on other worlds for quite some time. Another character, Taran, will be the prominent "protagonist" during this time.
Chapter 3: Possibly the shortest chapter, spans from when all the main characters find their selves on Lore and ends soon after the final confrontation(s).
Chapter 4: Post-Tumultu Lore. No details will be released beyond this, since it spoils Chapter 3.

I do very much enjoy what I've read so far, Mortarion. :)

^I wish to see how close you are to the truth. What minor detail do you think it is? It's been in there for a good long while.

< Message edited by Mordred -- 10/3/2011 21:42:19 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 199
10/3/2011 21:42:52   
Mortarion
Member

Oks, Mordred a coment on my L&L will be reallly apreciated, to tell me what you like so far, ok were was I last, the dude in terra was already murdered, and Mordred invited Enduras to Terra, thanks mordred :)

< Message edited by Mortarion -- 10/3/2011 21:43:17 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 200
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