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7/31/2010 13:03:46   
Micosil
Member

Link to the prologue.

Hello people! I'm the new guy!

It looks ridiculously short, and I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with it, but the prologue for this story, called In Defiance, is up.

Any comments are welcome, and though I'd like to reply to them as soon as they appear, I'll be away from my internet for about four days, so I'm afraid I won't be able to.

That's all! I hope you enjoy reading it ^_^

< Message edited by Micosil -- 7/31/2010 13:04:14 >
Post #: 1
7/31/2010 13:13:44   
lord dracoma
Member

Looks interesting. Also I'm quite curious about the "non-human" things. Or it said somewhere in the prologue. Got to check again but nice prologue although you don't use quotation marks like these " " which I is different but wrong IDK. But good so far. Haven't seen any typos so far.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 2
7/31/2010 13:48:51   
jerenda
Member

Hello new guy! ^_^ Yay, story! *goes to read*

quote:

– Will you stop making noise already? – said a man's deep voice. (I object to the use of 'said'. There are a million good words you could use here- growl, snap, mutter, you know the ones, and while 'said' is a perfectly acceptable word, especially when you have a lot of dialouge, it just sounds wrong here. Find a shinier word. ^_^)

– Oh, yeah, that's going to help much. If something was around and didn't hear me before, now he has. – A younger voice replied, male as well, riddled with sarcasm. (Don't capitalize 'A', you're continuing the thought, it's all part of the same sentence.)

– For the love of... look, just shut it and watch your step, alright? (You're missing end dashes on both this sentence and the one after. I'm treating the dashes just like quotation marks, which is probably okay because it's stylistic, but you do need end dashes.)


Are there a lot of patrols in the area? That's what "silently dodging all patrols in the area" makes it sound like, so you might want to rethink that sentence, or if there are a lot of patrols, I have another question- why? Except you don't have to answer that.

I've already told you that I like it, and I like it a lot. ^_^ I want to see the next chapter! I'm really curious as to what exactly is going on. You did a pretty good job of explaining the situation clearly without telling us anything useful, which is a handy skill.

< Message edited by jerenda -- 7/31/2010 13:49:18 >


_____________________________

EC! EC! EC~
AQ DF  Post #: 3
7/31/2010 20:35:06   
lord dracoma
Member

Yeha makes the reader want more. Good job as I said



< Message edited by lord dracoma -- 7/31/2010 20:57:09 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 4
8/4/2010 9:17:16   
stromy
Member

Looks interesting! I can't wait for the next chapter.

I like the amount of detail you use. It blends in smoothly with the plot advancement.

AQ DF  Post #: 5
8/4/2010 15:06:55   
Micosil
Member

@ Dracoma: Thanks! I'm quite surprised you haven't found any typos, but I'm not complaining :P

@ Jer: First and second will be corrected when I finish this post. The third... it's a different way of marking speech. After checking, I've realized it's not used in English texts, so I'll edit it as well.

@ stromy: Thanks! I try to put as much detail as I can without slowing down the pace of the text, but I don't always manage ^^"
Post #: 6
8/4/2010 15:11:38   
stromy
Member

That's how I like to write too... There are times when I get so caught in my plot that I forget to include enough description. It seems like we have fairly similar writing styles.
AQ DF  Post #: 7
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