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(AQ) A Tale Of A Gunfighter Discussion

 
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5/16/2013 5:52:02   
odsey
Member

Hello, this is the discussion of my story: A Tale Of A Gunfighter. As this is my first Fanfiction, feel free to criticize,give feedback,give suggestion and discuss your opinion on my story. I will try to update this maybe weekly but maybe I could do it faster.

Edit: Next chapter is delayed due to OS contest.

< Message edited by odsey -- 6/11/2013 22:20:25 >
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 1
5/16/2013 11:58:11   
battlemaster25
Member

Overall, it's a solid story thus far, keep up the good work.

I have two criticisms, however:

1: Grammar & spelling errors everywhere!

2: That second paragraph is huge, maybe it should be split in two.

I look forward to more!
AQ  Post #: 2
5/16/2013 23:05:45   
odsey
Member

@Battlemaster Thanks for the compliment, I'l try to fix the grammar error, maybe you could tell me some? Anyway chapter 2 is almost done and I hope you guys will enjoy it.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 3
5/17/2013 5:11:52   
odsey
Member

Chapter 1 is up guys! The chapter will include the introduction of the villain and also the town of Battleon. Any typos,suggestion or grammar spelling is appreciated.

@Battlemaster Thanks, I just edited the paragraph to make it a bit easier to read. Any grammar error/fix guys?

< Message edited by odsey -- 5/17/2013 9:04:59 >
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 4
5/20/2013 10:08:29   
odsey
Member

Since I think chapter 1 is too short, I will make chapter 2 more longer. Also chapter 2 is almost done and hopefully, you will will enjoy it.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 5
5/26/2013 9:13:01   
odsey
Member

Chapter 2 and 3 is live guys. Originally, I would merge them both into one chapter but since its too long, I have separated them. In the chapter Lethis will battle 2 new monster the Palagon and Abyss Wyrm. Hope you guys will enjoy it. Also if you have any suggestion or grammar correction, typo and etc feel free to tell me.

< Message edited by odsey -- 5/26/2013 10:19:14 >
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 6
5/26/2013 10:46:27   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

When I woke up, I hear explosion everywhere. People <> running and shouting everywhere.

heard, were

Okay, first up .... where was your character when he woke up? Did he look out of the window to see people running and shouting everywhere or did he pass out for some reason and lying out on the street?

quote:

So I go out and try to escape from the village.

By this point I am not even sure the village is your own or you are simply a traveler who apparently was inside somewhere.

quote:

I try to move the rock, but sadly I can’t.

tried, couldn't

Did your character lack the strength to move the rock or were his arms jammed under it so he couldn't move it?

quote:

I shouted for help but everybody is too busy <> to help me. I feel my heartbeat stopping and the explosion is becoming more louder. And so it reach the climax and I feel my eyes closed.

was

with ....

sound of the explosion/explosions, reached, felt, closing

quote:

When I wake up, darkness is everywhere and a grim figure approach me.

woke, was, approached

quote:

He use a scythe which is connected to a hourglass and a ship. I think for a few minutes and it seems that he is Death.

used, was, thought about it, came to the conclusion, was

quote:

Scared, but calmly, I try to approach death.

tried

quote:

He speaks with a grim voice: <>So it seem a soul has a little accident,don’t you? Follow me and I shall count your deed.<> So I follow him knowing that I may not go back to my world. <>So it seems that I may give you another chance to live. But before that, may I ask your name?<> I think for a second and said: <>Lethis.<> <>So you are Lethis. I shall give you another chance to live but you will have to wear a form of a skeletal gunfighter. You could choose to do so or stay in this realm.<>

""

You may also want to consider putting sentences on separate lines. It makes for easier reading.

quote:

<>Which do you choose?<> I choose to be a skeletal gunfighter. <>Very well, when the time comes you will come back to this realm resting peacefully. Now let me send you bac...<> <>Death, I need to ask you a question before I go. Why do you let me go back to the world again?<>


quote:

<>Ah.. a interesting question. You see, I see that you are a good person, considering the deeds you have done. I shall give you another chance to live. Since you have done good deeds,<>you will still have your human emotion and other things, though you are a undead. Be warned though, you will have many enemies and try not to become a human or I shall not accept you here. Now let me send you back to your world...<>

", an, ", space, "

quote:

I feel awake in a place far away from my village. It seems that I have lived again.

awaken, have become alive


I'll see where this goes.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 7
5/26/2013 11:14:53   
odsey
Member

@Dwelling Dragonlord Your advice on grammar is really helpful. I'l try to change the word for chapter 1 and so forth tomorrow.

-Odsey
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 8
5/27/2013 8:02:19   
odsey
Member

I have edited some grammar error in chapter 1. For chapter 2 and three, maybe I will do it tomorrow.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 9
6/4/2013 8:23:34   
odsey
Member

Guys, chapter 4 is almost done. This chapter will feature Lethis family member and also a face off against one of the mightiest enemy, in the guardian arena!
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 10
6/11/2013 22:18:26   
odsey
Member

Due to OS contest, I will be delaying my next chapter. However I promise it will be worth it.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 11
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