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6/9/2012 4:16:37   
Jboy
Member

This is the place to comment and criticize on my story (and point out any bad grammar mistakes), Conquering Divinity. The story will be a of human and Lawful from the Realm of Law (The cast is bound to grow) as they search for another Lawful who has disappeared, but as always, things escalate. Big time.

Fire away
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 1
6/9/2012 4:21:12   
Glais
Member

A few tiny mistakes, but I usually don't pick those out.
Hm, Chaos being so prevalently featured in a DF story makes me wary, but should it be handled nicely I suppose it could work well...
DF MQ  Post #: 2
6/16/2012 3:04:57   
Jboy
Member

I'm actually not so sure Chaos will really play any huge role in this story; Law most certainly but not Chaos so much. If Chaos does show up though, I'll try my best to actually make it a little chaotic unlike AQW.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 3
6/16/2012 12:03:15   
Faerdin
Rune Knight


First, some corrections:
quote:

... unfortunate for them, their prisoner found the key to its freedom long ago, and they were it.
unfortunately
quote:

"Careful with the chaos orbs, they weren't exactly easy to aqcuire and we need every single on."
one
quote:

It's surroundings begin to shift around it, the area changing into a more organized state.
Its surroundings began to shift around it, changing the area into a more organized state
quote:

He sorely regretted wearing such heavy clothing, the summer Sun beat down on him relentlessly.
He sorely regretted wearing such heavy clothing; the summer Sun beat down on him relentlessly.
quote:

He wasn't familiar with weather like this; then agan, there was a lot in this place he wasn't fimilar with.
again, familiar
quote:

Not many payed attention to Jareth.
paid
quote:

Near by, another young man was preparing to go on his daily trip into the woods to hunt the local game and maybe a monster or two.
Nearby
Also, Falconreach is a single word; spacing between Falcon and Reach isn't necessary. ^_^

Your writing is looking excellent so far. The imagery is engaging and I love the story, not to mention the amusing dialogue (The end of Chapter One made me laugh). Don't stop; you've got something great in the works here!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
6/20/2012 3:24:04   
Glais
Member

Wow, what an Exxaterresteral. Dem Aliens mang. I quite like that taking on a Human Body=him actually BEING human rather than just looking like one.

CHICKEN, I LIKE CHICKEN!
DF MQ  Post #: 5
6/20/2012 22:17:06   
Jboy
Member

Thank you two both for compliments! I think it's the chicken that makes the story so far.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 6
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