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~Poetry~ Mistermafio's poetry - thread II - NEW: <long title>

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6/8/2010 12:28:58   
Mistermafio
Member

Hello there, I'm Mistermafio, and you have stumbled into my modest little poetry thread.

I've been active on this forum on and off for a scary amount of time. And in this time I have done a lot, I've been an AK, I've been the very first poet of the month (what ever happened to my title for that one?), I've filled up two comments threads, and most importantly; I've written a metric ton of poetry. Some of it I like, most of it... Well, decide for yourself I guess.

Poetry

< Message edited by mistermafio -- 10/22/2010 11:08:56 >
AQ  Post #: 1
6/8/2010 12:31:15   
Mistermafio
Member

And to start this thread off good:

Purple Snowflakes
AQ  Post #: 2
6/17/2010 3:48:45   
Mistermafio
Member

War torn
AQ  Post #: 3
6/17/2010 10:16:58   
Shreder
Member

Purple Snowflakes:

quote:

Pruple snowflakes
don't fall.
They run,
because they are afraid of staning still.


I think you meant "purple" and "standing."
DF MQ  Post #: 4
6/17/2010 15:27:43   
Mistermafio
Member

Yes, yes I did <.<

I have no idea how I missed that :P thanks for pointing it out though :)
AQ  Post #: 5
6/29/2010 16:17:09   
Mistermafio
Member

I'm posting this from a pc without a spellcheck, so I assume at least something isn't right. Still, it's a little something I wrote up to practice writing about stuff I'm not in the very least related too.

Elia
AQ  Post #: 6
8/27/2010 8:57:34   
Mistermafio
Member

Soooo, seems I lost my avatar too. Cool :P

Oh, poetry, right;

The Wise Red-Haired King
AQ  Post #: 7
8/27/2010 15:01:23   
Ragsrun
DF Artist


 ...might I say that I really rather like your latest poem. I wasn't quite expecting that sort of end, but it came as a pleasantly joking one. I'm happy to have read it.<--Pft, scratch that. I'm happy to have read at all what you've made.
Let's see now...

quote:

"alright, stranger.

I think you'll want to put on a capital in there somewhere. *wink* There are also some other places which are poking me with a pitchfork and asking if they can have capitals and perhaps some other grammar marks as well, but I believe you can find those ones out easily enough.

Oh yes, and your one titled "Elia"...I can see two 'h's which have somehow sneaked into places not theirs. You may want to catch them soon.
...and again, your ending here is also nicely written.

Huh...I haven't much for you to improve on. I've read a couple of your other works, and you're doing well. :] Here's to wishing you good fortune.

< Message edited by wyndaeru -- 8/27/2010 15:04:39 >
DF  Post #: 8
8/28/2010 6:58:16   
Mistermafio
Member

Thanks for the read-through, I fixed the capitals in The Wise Red-Haired King, thanks for pointing them out. I also changed a few minor words, nothing too interesting though.

I also killed those stray h's. I don't know how they ended up there, seems to me I need a few more lessons in either English, or paying attention to what I write. <.<

I do very much appreciate you liking it, and I wish you all the best fortune yourself.
AQ  Post #: 9
8/28/2010 8:54:50   
Hallie Slidepath
Robot Unicorn Overlord


 Wow, I really love your poetry. I kinda saw the ending coming in "The Wise Red-Haired King", but that didn't make it less good. The poem has a really nice flow, and the style feels... storyteller-ish. I can't find a better word for it. It feels like one of those poems you could read as a bedtime story, and whoever you read it to would smile and go to sleep by the end of it.
Sometimes it seems like you rush your writing, but I do that too. Once I have the inspiration I want to get it down in words fast, which ends up with getting a few typos along the way. Except for that I can't find anything else to point out, just give your poem a read-through or two before posting, and you'll be able to avoid the typos entirely ^.^
I really enjoyed reading through your poetry, and I'll definitely come back to read more and re-read. Keep up the amazing writing =3
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 10
8/30/2010 2:29:52   
Mistermafio
Member

Haha, thank you very much, I'm glad you like my poetry, that's always nice to hear. Though I don't think anyone has ever described my poetry as a bedtime story. I guess you're just unique like that. :P

I do, from time to time rush my writing. Lately more then ever because my latest works have been spur-of-the-moment stuff mostly. I kept the editing down to a minimum, mostly because I simply don't have the time to really take a good look at it, though I suppose I shouldn't complain and just find more time.

Anyway, I hope you'll like my other works as much as what you've read already, and I will certainly keep my writing up :)
AQ  Post #: 11
9/2/2010 15:29:36   
Mistermafio
Member

New poem, The Witch.

:O my poetry thread just hit the 10th page. That is kind of awesome.
AQ  Post #: 12
9/14/2010 7:53:28   
Hallie Slidepath
Robot Unicorn Overlord


 I like it. It feels very meaningful and thought-through. Sometimes I get a little confused by the rythm in it, it doesn't feel as clear as in some other works of yours.
However, all poems doesn't need an obvious rythm, I just think I missed it because it was so great in The Wise Red-Haired King ;P
I coudn't find any typos or anything in this poem, and I really loved the story in it, great work ^^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 13
9/15/2010 3:28:17   
Mistermafio
Member

Thanks! I can see what you mean with the rythm being confusing, that really is kinda hit or miss with me. I was shooting for a specific rythm, but honestly, I forgot what it was :P

I'm glad you like the story though, that really was what the poem was about. :)

Also, this poem is, in a quite backward manner, a revisit to The Witch. At least, it was intended that way. It turned out a little diffrent then planned though. I still like it :P

Monster
AQ  Post #: 14
10/13/2010 3:11:47   
Shreder
Member

Hey MM! I've read through the poems you've written since I last commented and all of them are excellent, as I would expect from you.
DF MQ  Post #: 15
10/13/2010 10:28:47   
Hallie Slidepath
Robot Unicorn Overlord


 Daym, I love Monster. Just noticed this:
quote:

You where sweet

Where I think it should be "were". 'cept for that the poem was free of mistakes, and very well-written. It kinda feels like... raw-emotion in this poem, somehow. And I bet that a lot of people can identify with it, or at least parts of it.
Really great work ^^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 16
10/22/2010 6:25:43   
Mistermafio
Member

Haha, thanks for the comments. I must be honest and say I haven't really checked in here quite as often as I would've liked to. I blame teachers and their inability go give me free time. Even if I ask nicely :P

I /will/ however try to make time this next weekend to actually read some stuff, so I'll probably be commenting on some of your stuff soon, isn't that just fantastic? XD (smash-cut to me not posting for another month or two)

Anyway, I changed the where / were thing, I really need to start remembering the difference between the two one day.

Also, I wrote a new poem, with an interesting title IMHO;

The end of a beginning isn't the beginning of an end
AQ  Post #: 17
10/22/2010 9:48:37   
Shreder
Member

In my opinion, that was your best poem since "Your Conquest", and considering that pretty much all of your poetry is good, that's saying something. :P

Oh and comments are always appreciated... >.>

Oh and another thing:

quote:

He isn't right for you / you should me mine.


Shouldn't that be "be mine."?

< Message edited by Shreder -- 10/22/2010 10:48:47 >
DF MQ  Post #: 18
10/22/2010 11:07:58   
Mistermafio
Member

Haha, I've actually been wanting to read your stuff for quite some time, so I'll definetly be doing that, just as soon as I have more then a minute to get on between work, other stuff, and traveling to other stuff :P

I'm glad you liked it, though. I fixed what you pointed out; that's what you get when you write and edit a poem over a series of short lunch breaks I guess :P
AQ  Post #: 19
12/4/2010 16:52:31   
Clyde
Legendary Artist!


 Mistermafio,

I enjoyed your latest poem. Honestly can't say I saw the end coming though. XD Very nice.

You need to post more. I DEMAND IT. :P
Post #: 20
1/12/2011 4:58:51   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, obviously I didn't give in to your demand. I'm a man like that :P

I'm glad you liked it though, as a celebration of me having five free minutes, a new poem:

A life in bloom
AQ  Post #: 21
1/12/2011 8:16:12   
Shreder
Member

An enjoyable read, as I would expect from you.

Anyways, one small correction:

quote:

Why hast thou seized to be?


I believe you meant "ceased", as in to stop, not seized, to take. :P
DF MQ  Post #: 22
3/17/2011 12:01:58   
Mistermafio
Member

Oh... Wow, it's been a while. Don't bother commenting here if you fancy a quick reply I guess.

Anyway, fixed the blatant mistake Shreder, thanks for pointing it out.
New work:

Expectations of greater things
AQ  Post #: 23
3/17/2011 18:57:41   
superjars
Member

I love short and sweet, yet powerful poetry and this poem is no exception to that.

Just one thing:
quote:

I want run-

My guess is you wanted a "to" in there, so I thought I'd point it out. And don't worry about being a while. We're all busy.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 24
7/25/2011 0:12:06   
Anon Y. Mous
Creative!


 i was going to comment on the very same thing that superjars just pointed out, so bah.
but just want you to know that i'm still respecting your poetry. put it out whenever you will, it's all good
DF  Post #: 25
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