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(AQW) Usurpation of Death discussion

 
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8/4/2012 15:03:40   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

This is my new story

It will be divided into 5 parts and an epilogue, so it'll get bigger

Hope this shows that I don't make as many mistakes now

< Message edited by Beshin Adin -- 8/24/2012 12:46:50 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 1
8/4/2012 19:13:45   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

And why shouldn’t they, if all Pomeranians were as lovable as this one?


should

quote:

The man was clearly a stranger to dental hygiene, as plague rats could consider has mouth a clean environment.


his

quote:

The SpiritHunters nodded, and begin heading upstairs to the prison.


began

quote:

Don’t spend all your time flirting with the Cadet.” Regina cast an annoyed glance at Veddrian. “Get off my back, grandma!” Veddrian’s eyes widen, veins show on her forehead, and her fingers curl in anger.


widened, showing, curled
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
8/4/2012 20:02:07   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

K. Not too many mistakes this time, though^^
AQ AQW  Post #: 3
8/5/2012 6:55:48   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


Okay, proceeding with the commentary.

quote:

The paladin battle-trainer insisted that Regina go with them.


went

quote:

There isn’t much to describe of a dracolich.


about

quote:

Since SpiritHunter swords were enchanted for extra damage to ghosts and undead


Ghosts are undead.

quote:

With this, the skull falls from the neck, and drops off the blade, to the ground, cold and lifeless. Veddrian checks her bracelet. “What he says may be true.


fell, spine, checked

quote:

She turns to the trees.


turned

quote:

Regina examines it with squinted eyes.


examined
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 4
8/5/2012 8:50:02   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Bleh. Stupid past and present tense. I'll fix it........
AQ AQW  Post #: 5
8/11/2012 16:46:15   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Part II is out
AQ AQW  Post #: 6
8/12/2012 5:52:17   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

a man came out,,


quote:

If needed, I shall take <> the field.


to

quote:

Veddrian’s eyes widened in fear as she noticed a bat-winged skeleton, who had successfully snuck past her while she was thinking and observing the battle, confirm her fears, and infiltrate the portal <> home.


infiltrated, leading back

quote:

The undead has no weapon arm, so it was forced to retreat.


had


Where was Ninita when they were attacked?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 7
8/12/2012 10:11:14   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Wasn't it said that she was off exploring the castle when they were attacked?

Also, that one sentence basically reads 'she saw a bat-winged skeleton confirm her fears and infiltrate the portal.' Are you sure that's improper tense?

< Message edited by Beshin Adin -- 8/12/2012 10:20:59 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 8
8/24/2012 12:45:52   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Sorry it took a while, but Part III is done
AQ AQW  Post #: 9
9/3/2012 21:19:24   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Part IV is out
AQ AQW  Post #: 10
9/9/2012 15:30:28   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Part V is out. Remember, there is an epilogue. I will release it ASAP
AQ AQW  Post #: 11
9/10/2012 11:28:36   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

Epilogue is done.
So BOOM, that's the whole story
AQ AQW  Post #: 12
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