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[Comments] Angels of Night

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10/18/2008 20:38:31   
_Depression
Member



This story is largely inspired by three sources:
My dislike of Twilight's writing style. Stephanie Meyer needs to learn how to write.
My love interest, though she has no clue.
One of the few free-verse poems I've ever written:
We are the Angels of the night,
Blood-thirsty Angels,
Angels who have killed and kill,
Black-winged and feared.

Angels of the black night sky,
Angels killing and killed,
We can control a person's soul
And mind.

We are the darker Angels,
Angels with power over man
And woman.
With black wings, and cursed.


Now, this story is one I've wanted to write for a long while, but I hadn't been able to find a plot I liked until, literally, Thursday. So I started writing. So far, the story is only a couple short chapters long, but I hope you can stay with me through it.

Enjoy, everybody, and don't forget to leave a comment!
~An Angel of My Own
AQ  Post #: 1
10/18/2008 20:53:22   
Dantmotckc
Member

how much of Twilight did you read? at what point did you put it down and say, "heck, I could write a better vampire story than this"?
...'cause that's how it's coming across, heh.

anyway, another story?! yeesh, I hope you can keep up with all of them.
AQ DF  Post #: 2
10/18/2008 20:57:42   
_Depression
Member

Uhh... I read the first three chapters.

And, I guess I do come across as a bit 'confident,' but I'm not the only one. To quote my English teacher in a response to one student saying she would 'write a fifteen-page paper on what Meyer could have done better in Chapter One,' "Get in line. There are dozens on the internet already, and only more to come."

Now, to settle some problems, I like the concept of Twilight. But I couldn't read Meyer for my life. As my Art teacher said, "It's a great idea in the most incompetent hands I've seen."
AQ  Post #: 3
10/18/2008 22:05:07   
_Depression
Member

Chapter 2 is out.

Chapter 3 is in the works, and should be out by midweek.

=)
AQ  Post #: 4
10/18/2008 22:14:19   
Richie
Member

can't wait for chapter 3
DF  Post #: 5
10/20/2008 19:41:01   
_Depression
Member

Speaking of chapter 3...

It's released! And remember, I love all sorts of comments and critique! Critique even more loved than normal!!
AQ  Post #: 6
10/23/2008 21:34:12   
_Depression
Member

*sigh* Are vampires overrated or something? Or is it bad writing...? Remember, if you don't like something about my stories, speak up! I can't fix it if I don't know what it is...

Anyway, I'm uploading Chapter 4 now. If no one's reading it, though, I might stop posting it here. Keep it to SheezyArt, where I can see how many views it has. =/
AQ  Post #: 7
10/26/2008 19:38:15   
_Depression
Member

As a last installment here on the AQ forums, I'll upload Chapter 5.

Anyone who wants to continue reading it should PM me for a link to another site with it.

=)
AQ  Post #: 8
10/26/2008 20:12:20   
Richie
Member

uh....
quote:


Blaise checked his wallet and took out his thirty-four dollars. He muttered the prices to himself, doing the math under hiis breath. "Twenty-three left," he said.

that's the only mistake i could find. in chapter 4. other than that nice chapter 5. will it be up on the pokemon forum or just sheezyart. either way, i'll read it
DF  Post #: 9
10/26/2008 22:53:03   
jerenda
Member

I've just now read it, and it's pretty good, but it's too sad for me. Sorry, but I'm pretty much full to the brim with psycotic vampires. ^_^ Excellent work anyways, very darkly haunting. I was pretty close to crying by the time I was done.

_____________________________

EC! EC! EC~
AQ DF  Post #: 10
10/27/2008 17:11:13   
_Depression
Member

It'll lighten up in the next couple chapters, don't worry. I wanted to start on a darker note to set a tone, and now I can get the happy parts in.

=)
AQ  Post #: 11
10/27/2008 18:23:33   
Richie
Member

oh so you changed your mind about posting now?
DF  Post #: 12
12/13/2008 22:47:21   
Alixander Fey
Member

Well, I'll be honest. I'm not a fan of the info-dumpish beginning. But once you get in to the story it's really great. Now we must see if you really are better than SM. Let me know when you make so much money you never have to work another day in your life, five bestselling novels, and a movie deal. Plus thousands of screaming fangirls. =P

I love the new rush in like crazed dark haunting vampire stories. This is definately is one of the best.
DF  Post #: 13
12/13/2008 22:57:39   
_Depression
Member

I'm not writing this so much to prove that I'm better than Meyer as I am to write my own vampire story that the reader will like. I don't care how many fans it nets me, or even if it gets published. I'm writing from inspiration, and if it satisfies my creativity, then I am content.

=)

At least I try to avoid Mary Sue characters...
AQ  Post #: 14
12/13/2008 22:59:09   
Alixander Fey
Member

No! Bella was interesting! Really... zzz...zzz...zzz

Lol. I liked Twilight a lot, but I'm not so blind as to ignore it's flaws. =P
DF  Post #: 15
12/13/2008 23:25:09   
_Depression
Member

Mary Sues fail. =P

And good for you. Most of the kids in my school are ignorant to the glaring flaws... >.< *stops self before starting anti-Twilight rant*

lol, you should notice that I am actually putting little tributes to the stories in my own. I've so far fit the word "Twilight" into chapter 2, and I'm putting "Breaking dawn" into chapter 6. And there'll be other references. =)
AQ  Post #: 16
1/9/2009 7:06:02   
Richie
Member

>.> soooooooooo.....been a while, hasn't it? I was just stopping by to ask you when the new chapter will be up? You know. I've been waiting for a month now, Zangy, and you're making me mad for having to wait longer.
DF  Post #: 17
6/8/2009 8:52:47   
BrantePyrus
Member

quote:


Now, to settle some problems, I like the concept of Twilight. But I couldn't read Meyer for my life. As my Art teacher said, "It's a great idea in the most incompetent hands I've seen."

Why, I disagree. I like Meyer's writing flow- it draws you in and engrosses you- and the overall plot concept as well. IMO, her flaw is in her details- she crams pointless ones and ignores more important ones. She's an amazing writer, but she can't write scenes for beans.

However, yours is indeed better then Twilight! :3 I like it so far. I'll have to see how much I can fit in, though. All and all, a nice piece(what I've read).
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 18
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