Argeus the Paladin
Member
|
First thing first: The script format is not a good start. It might give the illusion of a 'cinematic' feel (which it indeed confers IF you had the animation, and the voice acting, and the music, and the sound effect, and... you get the picture), but it actually doesn't. You want to build up a description as vivid as you can, which means getting rid of the script, adding dialogue tags, and describing the action in fluider terms than "Character A does this, then this happens".
On the other hand, the script itself is fairly good but for this part:
quote:
They will be cured of their blindness once closed eyes are open whole when they see their partnership torn in half and their truce reduced to rubble.
The scratched part is unnecessary. It is supposed to be poetic and dramatic, but all it does is restate what "cured of their blindness" said.
Looking forward to the next draft. Good luck!
|
Printable Version
Icon Legend
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread
