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7/27/2010 13:22:58

lord dracoma
Member

Probably Mispelled Criticizing but whatever.

Desperaton
^
Thread...

Okay that was a stupid comment. Anyways Chapter One is up and running introducig Cylia and Seth, the main characters of the story.

< Message edited by lord dracoma -- 8/12/2010 22:06:40 >

Post #: 1

8/5/2010 23:07:19

lord dracoma
Member

Chapter Two is up and running and please comment on anythingto improve the story I would really like some feedback.

Post #: 2

8/10/2010 23:20:13

jerenda
Member

For starters, if you're worried about spelling, run it through Word. Or a word processer of some sort. You should do that with your stories anyway, but especially if you're nervous about spelling.

Also, when you link people, if you cut out everything after the numbers, it works a lot better. So, http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=17922709 instead of http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=17922709&mpage=1&key=? . 'Kay?

Just popping in with my two cents, popping out again because I'm tired. ^_^

< Message edited by jerenda -- 8/10/2010 23:24:20 >

_____________________________

EC! EC! EC~

Post #: 3

8/12/2010 22:06:16

lord dracoma
Member

It does..let me check. Also I run it through spellcheck but I sometimes worry about my work.

Sorry for not having an update for a while. And can anyone give me any critiquing advice.

EDIT: ahhh now I see what you are talking about.

< Message edited by lord dracoma -- 8/12/2010 22:07:26 >

Post #: 4

8/17/2010 14:44:40

KoreanMina
Member

I wasn't able to read the whole thing, but your dialogue is good. :D

However, remember to keep to one tense; if you begin the story with:

"Bring the cupcake," Maria SAID

Then keep to the same tense. Don't continue with:

"I will bring a muffin instead," SAYS Boora.

If you begin with the past tense, stay with the past tense (excepting dialogue, of course. This only applies to the actual narration). Or present tense, whichever you prefer.

Also, remember to keep your "your"s and "you're"s in check.

In addition, check your verb usage. At the end of chapter one:

"Be there in just a sec," Seth retorted.

"Retorted" isn't the same as "replied." To put it simply, it's like giving backtalk, so in this case, it wouldn't hold up. But nevertheless, nice. :) I'll be sure to finish reading when I have time.

Post #: 5

8/18/2010 7:09:58

lord dracoma
Member

Ty. Keeping tenses in check has always been my problem in writing and I could've sworn I re-did that retorted part. But thanks for the comments, definant confindence boost in my writing.

Post #: 6

8/25/2010 7:56:25

lord dracoma
Member

Hello Chapter Three is up and running. Anyone up for a little blood magic?

Post #: 7

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