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(Before AQ/DF/AQW) Destiny of Frozen Earth discussion

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6/26/2012 21:54:31   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 The ancient legend is here

Tell me what you think. Also, I'd like your opinion. When do you think is the ideal time-frame for this story?
AQ AQW  Post #: 1
6/26/2012 22:09:40   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Your decision of time period is intriguing
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
6/26/2012 22:15:16   
Glais
Member

Yikes that's long...had to speedread a bit otherwise it would've taken forever to get through...
That aside, a few plot things I noticed. Yuki-Onna...isn't that an Earth legend? Why would that same name just happen to be used on an entirely different planet on something as significant as a deity sort of thing?

Also, there's...no possible way SwordHaven is a mere 10 miles from that icy place they seemed to be in. I also wonder...how can they have Denim? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Lastly regarding your time question, I'm moreso curious how it can be in the past of all three of those games (without being in MQ's time) due to the alternate timelines.

On the positive side, your writing is pretty solid and I quite like the name choices. Seta, Wahkahnee, Aldava (wait...not sure if that one is right). About the only one that wasn't to my liking was the Ne...something guy. The Giant, or big Human. I wasn't sure if he was an actual Giant or not...

So um yeah. Seems like it could be an interesting story, though it is a bit long which might deter some. Could also use a bit of paragraph breaks so there won't be so many walls of text.
DF MQ  Post #: 3
6/26/2012 22:16:54   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 A lot of wars between the Elemental Lords occurred during this time. Look up your Lore carefully
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 4
6/26/2012 22:19:54   
Glais
Member

1.He has set no specific time yet. So we can't know if the wars happened. I don't even recall any Elemental wars in DF anyways, and I don't play AQ much.
2.I have no idea what you're talking about, or how that relates to...anything I said.
DF MQ  Post #: 5
6/26/2012 22:29:52   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 He said before AQ/AQW/DF and no hint at MQ. Its most likely the time after the Reset. Also, judging by monster descriptions in AQ some existed in eras that suggested wars between the Elemental Lords like The Light Lord vs the alliance of the Darkness and Fire Lords
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 6
6/26/2012 22:31:28   
Glais
Member

And I said that in order for it to be in the past of all three timelines, it would technically have to be in MQ, as that is the source. AQ, AQW, and DF are all parallel timelines.

I don't see what Elemental Lord wars had to do with any of that.
DF MQ  Post #: 7
6/26/2012 22:34:13   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Not necessarily. There is a gap of time.

MQ ---- ??? ----- DF -----AQ/AQW

After MQ was the Reset. There are a couple thousand years *based on my calculations*
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 8
6/26/2012 22:37:08   
Glais
Member

Those thousands of years are Lore developing into the present day. It still takes a while even to get up to Medieval times.
Plus, Staff have stated MQ is basically the original, it's like the tree and the timelines that began splitting are the roots.

Something like that, they had a weird analogy for it.
DF MQ  Post #: 9
6/26/2012 22:38:40   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Yes so I'm surmising our friend here is vadjng his story in those thousands of years
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 10
6/26/2012 22:41:41   
Glais
Member

Ohhhh yeah I get what you mean now.
DF MQ  Post #: 11
6/27/2012 11:21:40   
Beshin Adin
Member
 
quote:

Yikes that's long...had to speedread a bit otherwise it would've taken forever to get through...
That aside, a few plot things I noticed. Yuki-Onna...isn't that an Earth legend? Why would that same name just happen to be used on an entirely different planet on something as significant as a deity sort of thing?

Also, there's...no possible way SwordHaven is a mere 10 miles from that icy place they seemed to be in. I also wonder...how can they have Denim? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Lastly regarding your time question, I'm moreso curious how it can be in the past of all three of those games (without being in MQ's time) due to the alternate timelines.


Lol. You think it's long? Wait until I finish Books 2 and 3.

There are a few Earth legends involved. The Ice Lady, Yuki-Onna, is the Snow Woman of Japanese folklore, Negafok is the legendary Eskimo hero that made the ice bridge from Russia to Alaska, Wahkahnee is an ice witch from Chinook folklore. This story is fiction.

The story says that Negafok made an ice bridge, spanning from the north to Swordhaven. Swordhaven is 10 miles from the end of the ice bridge.

About denim.......I wanted to show that civilizations in the south were far more advanced. But, yeah, maybe denim is too advanced?

There is 5000 years between MQ and DF. I'm thinking this story is 1000 years before DF.

When I say that Negafok is a giant, I mean a 7-foot tall human. Not the monster "Giant" or "Frost Giant".

As for paragraph breaks and other grammar issues, those can be addressed at a later date

< Message edited by Beshin Adin -- 6/27/2012 11:58:15 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 12
6/27/2012 15:14:03   
Glais
Member

Ok so that clears things up. And yes, it's...very long. In fact I doubt I'll be able to keep up with it.

And 1000 years sounds good, 500 after the Orbs were made then.

Yeah Denim is a bit too advanced.

And alright, wasn't sure if you meant he was an actual Giant or not. Since DF showed Giants are 10 feet-ish (Nivalis and Snou).
DF MQ  Post #: 13
6/27/2012 20:32:40   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 Also, as far as paragraph breaks go, I think that paragraphs are vital for telling how long a certain setting or situation lasts. I don't think I should divide a specific scene into two paragraphs. Rather, I should end the paragraph if the situation changes.
AQ AQW  Post #: 14
6/27/2012 20:40:55   
Glais
Member

Well to divide to sections you could alternatively use 
[hr]


Which lets you separate things like this.

Thus letting you break up paragraphs, avoid walls of text, AND still keep the events in ine area.
DF MQ  Post #: 15
6/28/2012 9:13:35   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 I'll try in Book 2
AQ AQW  Post #: 16
6/29/2012 1:47:56   
Glais
Member

Ok. Looking forward to it then, though it may take me a while to get through it...
DF MQ  Post #: 17
7/1/2012 16:07:00   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 Book II is actually halfway finished. In the meantime, Book I has been edited with corrected details and paragraph breaks.
AQ AQW  Post #: 18
7/3/2012 13:07:53   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 Book II is finally finished. This one is just as long as Book I, so please take your time reading it. The paragraphs are a little better structured, so it won't be eye labor to read it.

So, enjoy Destiny of Frozen Earth: The Next Elemental War
AQ AQW  Post #: 19
7/18/2012 19:05:54   
Glais
Member

Fiiiiiinally caught up. Sorry it took so long, but your chapters are about three times average size for this forum. Wantednto wait until I was focused enough.

Not really liking Aldmava or Seta, Negafok though, he's pretty cool. "That's victim talk!" Yes, indeed.

Oh, one thing. You stated Chaos is Element X, when Element X is Void. Chaos isn't even an Element. Of course, given this is your story and your canon, it could be. I'm just saying if you're intending to use typical AE canon.
DF MQ  Post #: 20
7/18/2012 19:21:02   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 Sorry it took so long, Glai, especially since I just finished Book 3

Book 3 is the last one, so read and be merry

Destiny of Frozen Earth: Strike of Faith

Negafok is cool? No pun intended, yes?

In my interpretation of the story, I consider Chaos to basically be Super-concentrated Void energy, so Chaos and Void are virtually the same Element X.
AQ AQW  Post #: 21
7/18/2012 19:34:31   
Glais
Member

Ok, that makes sense.

And alrighht, will probably read it tomorrow. Have some other things to read at the moment.
EDIT:Couple days late but whatever. Finished it.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 7/21/2012 4:46:09 >
DF MQ  Post #: 22
7/23/2012 16:50:54   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Negafok turned to Seta, think that maybe one of the thugs had enough guts to not run away.


thinking

quote:

They took her, and froze her in ice, until the day her heard could be free of anger.


heart

quote:

You’re the last one who can talk to the sprits.


spirits

quote:

A small, little flock of snowbirds were roosting on the ground,


Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that's "was" as we're talking about a small/little (choose one) flock.

quote:

The giant looked down<> Who was he kidding?


.

quote:

The monster grew sharp ice shards from its wings, and launched then at the party


them

quote:

The only article of clothing she was wearing was a light blue gown skirt around her waist


I believe something is missing here.

quote:

The gantlets were somewhat broad


gauntlets

quote:

so Sat was glad when the Water King called him to the front of the room.


Seta

quote:

You’re too good for them. Call them over; we’ll fight then for you.


them

I'm having trouble with the way this story portrays Lore as earth/Terra.

On another note, you forgot to tell your readers how much time has passed between the end of book 2 and the start of book 3.

quote:

THE STRUCTURE THAT MARKS NEGAFOK’S CROWN GLORY SHALL SERVE AS A REMINDER OF THE DEATH OF HIS ONLY SON.


How does she know Seta is Negafok's son?

On another note, please keep things civil. By posting in the L&L you agree on the following. So if you want to write about certain things, be discrete about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=17639380

Maintain the family-friendly atmosphere of Artix Entertainment, keep all content PG
Although a slight allowance of above PG is allowed in L&L, it is not much. Please keep the following in mind.

This means you cannot use excessive profanity, actively promote drugs, overly detailed violence or have explicit scenes on the forums. Profanity is automatically blocked, but that does not mean your CHARACTER can’t curse. You just have to be creative (ex: A popular one in Anne McCaffrey's Pernese world "By the First Egg!" or take the easier route and simply edit the forum version).

Since these stories are based on the AE world and the games set out by the AE gamestaff, the stories MUST be appropriate for a younger audience. If it is not used in the games (ie alcohol, tobacco, etc) then you do not use it in your fanfiction.

In regards to violence, crimes, and such subject matters, the writer MUST remember that specific detail, overly grotesque or gory material, or action descriptions that go beyond insinuation/inference can get you in trouble. Yes, writing such things in stories provides for good storytelling and plot development, but we must remember that there are people out there who can be hurt by what you write. Keep details to a level where the reader relies more on their imagination than your words.

In regards to sex, it is not outright forbidden, but again it is a subject best left to inference. You cannot be explicit about it. When in doubt, imply; do not specify. In other words, they can enter a bedroom for the night together... but that is as far as you can take it.


I am somewhat disappointed that I have to tell you this, seeing it went well for a lot of books, but I had to edit certain parts out. Please remember this for the next time you wish to post a story.

~DD
L&L ArchKnight
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 23
7/23/2012 17:03:13   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 *sighs and goes to the editing bench*

Okay, spelling and grammar has been fully edited.

By the way, DD, three things:

1) Throughout the story, this DID give me trouble. Lore is the planet, but I'm constantly referring to Earth element
2) How Wahkahnee knows that Seta is Negafok's son, I guess assume that she learned it in the week between Books 2 and 3 (yes, I added that a week had passed)
3) I had already spoke to ArchKnight Faerdin about family friendly content. My original story had reference to liquor, which he had me completely edit out. The rest of the content he deemed shaky, but acceptable, provided that I "be careful".

< Message edited by Beshin Adin -- 7/23/2012 17:38:20 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 24
7/23/2012 18:43:50   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Beshin Adin:

1. I'm referring to Terran customs, gods, monsters and geographical settings.

2. All good.

3. I agree with him, but I thought some of it was a little too shaky.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 25
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