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Something Real: yada yada yada, Discussion Thread

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8/12/2013 1:45:48   
abcghimno
Member

The story's here, first off.

In any case, 'Something Real' is more or less an imaginary character trying to find something of the real world for his younger sister. He does this with the help of something introduced in the first chapter, which we aren't at yet.

Yeah. I'd appreciate comments and criticism, and the chapters won't be as short as the prologue, don't worry.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 1
8/12/2013 13:30:24   
Crystal Sunshyne
Member
 

 Awesome! I always thought there should be a story about fictional characters who discover they're not real. Thanks for writing one :) I like the contrast of your characters, with the unremarkable main character and his vibrant and insightful younger sister. I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of people did question their existence in some way at some point in their lives, but even if they don't, I'm sure at least some of us can relate to this. Or maybe it's just me?? Most people don't wonder if they might just be fictional characters and this world might only exist in the imagination of some unknown author? ...Well it wouldn't surprise me if I am insane. It's possible it wouldn't matter if the world were fictional anyway, provided the author has an awesome imagination and doesn't stop writing ;)
Post #: 2
8/12/2013 15:49:11   
abcghimno
Member

aaaand up goes Chapter 1, introducing our oddly-named helper.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 3
8/13/2013 1:22:45   
Crystal Sunshyne
Member
 

 Yay more story :) I love the word traveler, Wordsmith.

The only grammatical thing that bothers me is the inelegance of the English language when dealing with gender neutral personal pronouns. I might have some suggestions on that subject if you like, but this could require more thought and unfortunately might have to wait until next week when I return from my vacation.

Also, if you enjoy meta-writing as much as I do, you might like the story 'Author's Fantasy' :)
Post #: 4
8/13/2013 20:35:46   
abcghimno
Member

Hehe, sorry. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to deal with gender neutrality, because 'they' doesn't really work, being plural, while 'it' sounds rude. :/ I'd appreciate your input on the subject.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 5
8/25/2013 14:36:17   
Crystal Sunshyne
Member
 

 You don't have to apologize for that :) It's definitely not your fault that English lacks the perfect commonly accepted singular animate gender neutral pronoun. There are invented pronouns like 'zie' (which personally I enjoy because I have a fondness for invented words -- actually now that I think of it, aren't all words invented? Or at least the evolved forms of previously invented words?) but in formal writing I suppose, unless there were a gender neutral sense in which to use 'he' or 'she', your choice is between 'it' and 'they. As you mentioned, both have disadvantages: 'they' implies plurality, while 'it' is generally used for inanimate things.

You could consider choosing one pronoun in order to be consistent throughout the story, but I can't say which one would be better so maybe it's fine to alternate as you are doing. It might cause the occasional slightly confusing sentence like this one though:

quote:

Since they had appeared in the boy's room, it figured that it had something to do with him.


There may be a better way to phrase this so 'it' is less grammatically ambiguous.

Also, here:

quote:

Its form was vaguely humanoid, though entirely white in appearance and glowing with a faint light. It couldn't be told whether they were male or female; their hair


You have a sentence that starts with 'its', referring to the being, just before a sentence that begins with the abstract 'it'. Maybe it's clear enough as it is, but it could be something to consider rewording.

The other thing I was going to mention was the reflexive pronoun, but actually I think the way you used 'themselves' is good. (Trying not to think about 'themself', which I'm sure a grammarian would disapprove of... Why are all the options that make the most sense non-standard?)

So I may have overthought this a little... Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. Anyway, mostly what bothered me wasn't anything about the way you wrote but just the way English grammar deals with this subject in general.

I hope you keep writing because I would like to learn more about word/world traveling and find out if Alex is able to bring back something real for his sister :)
Post #: 6
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