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Cow Face -> RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. NEW: Good Night (1/26/2009 12:43:16)
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I seriously doubt that you need any help with your poetry. However, for what it's worth, I'll tell you what I think anyway. =)
Unfortunately, as I had feared, I do not have much to say. You are an excellent writer with a great imagination and a large vocabulary. In fact, I learned a couple of new words from reading your works. In addition, you have a talent for twists and unexpected lines in your poetry. In addition, you have an ability for layout of poetry, creating an interesting, striking visual effect that complements the works themselves.
The subject matter of your writings is broad, avoiding any monotony. Most enjoyable to me (not that any were not, mind you) were those concerning real life. Those concerning your family were entertaining, and at times amusing. In my opinion, one of your greatest fortes is the element of surprise (ack, cliché!) in your writings. I noticed this most in A new life. The rather abrupt ending was surprising and entertaining. Once more, you are an excellent poet.
Proof-reading:
Trying
quote:
Trying very hard,
to do something,
The comma after "hard" could be omitted.
quote:
you want to scream,
your own lungs out.
No comma is needed after "scream."
Love is in the air
quote:
But she ignored me,
and that,
made me angry.
The comma after "that" could be omitted.
WWII
quote:
A distant sound,
flashes in the sky,
my sisters, astound
and afraid to die.
The comma after "sound" could be omitted. Also, you might have meant "astounded" when you said "astound."
Isn't it?
quote:
Aren’t it all just games you play ... Aren’t it all just stories you tell
In both cases, either "Aren't" should be changed to "Isn't" or change both "it"s to "they."
The land of serenity
quote:
Illuminated by the suns peaceful gloom.
Since I think you intend this to be possessive, "suns" should be "sun's."
The stainless steel window
quote:
Glad with it’s safety,
glad with it’s strength.
The possessive form of "it" is "its."
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