RE: The Dracowolf Times

RE: The Dracowolf Times (Full Version)

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Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (10/5/2008 23:10:16)
@TR: Yeah, "Fluctuations" isn't really one of my greatest works. It was rushed, written with a bit of a writer's block while my friends were trying to distract me. But I don't blame them; we were /really/ bored. XP Personally, I'm not too much of a spaces person. If there's an unnecessary space, I get rid of it. I might actually expand that poem and put the expanded version in the DW Times. I like the idea; once again, it's this "Poem a Day" concept where I just write something, post it, and then don't really go back to it. XP But, yeah. There are a lot of places where I can expand on some idea or another, provide some more metaphorical meaning to it. Might also expand on the "deathly still air" idea, with the dead air, the calm sense of wrongness that permeates the area. I intended to put more focus on the atmosphere but make the poem about the tiger. Dunno why. I just did. @wbsbb: Thanks. n_n I enabled PM because people sometimes need to contact me through it. Though it does mean that someone occasional pesters me through it, I can take care of them easily enough. And, well, goodbye, then. Hope you go out there and do great things. n_n

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (10/20/2008 19:57:54)
Poem-A-Day has ended. I will continue to ask random people for words, but I won't do it every day. I'm just not the sort of person to commit like that. Give me an idea, and I'll go wild. Give me limits, hand me contracts, and then set me up for a schedule, and I protest. Even if I do everything myself. XP Also made one of those poems into a vignette. I plan to do similar things in the future-- perhaps, turn "Ghosts" into a story, turn "Wind" into a song... Stuff like that.

jerenda -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (11/1/2008 16:12:34)
So I've been meaning to do this for a while, but only just got around to rereading Prince of Thieves. And I wonder why I took so long. Anyways, you don't want to hear compliments, you want a critique, right? ^_^ Prolouge quote: He hurried to the tree's enormous trunk and stood there tensely, awaiting further commands. Good job setting up… I feel tense myself, and it’s not me that’s getting robbed. ^_^ quote: "Yeah. Th' name of th' dead guy is Achasund." Nice turnaround there. Typical Ry humor. quote: A full moon gazed down on the carnage in the center of the road. Creepy, dark, and frightening. Yet it is the fright that keeps me going, keeps me interested. Excellent work, as always. Chapter 1 This is a really stupid kid. Just throwing that out there… not that it matters… but still. And even though I really did read the rest of this, I didn't actually critique it, so I'm skipping to the next part I actually analyzed. Chapter 2, near end I like the "never trust anonymous tip-offs" bit, by the way. quote: Rychaeth grinned as he kicked the man in the shin. That was low. Sure, he's a bandit, but that was still low. quote: "Bite me." That’s not a smart thing to say around him… so the change can come at will? Does the full moon have anything to do with anything? Or any moon, full or not? quote: Nadiel was clearly unnerved, despite his earlier calmness. But you said he was wolfish. And Ry knew his name- how? I can ignore the “wolfish”, but you must realize that, with a were-fox and a bare minimum of Nadiel descrip I automatically think literally wolfish. Anyways, how did Ry know Nadiel’s name- and by sight, too? The theif grapevine? I'm going to psycho-analyze your story now, ready? Sorry, but this part was bugging me and so I had to say something about it. quote: "Rychaeth… He's stronger than I thought." ponders One would assume that Nadiel was sent to kill Ry, yet Ethandur’s comments at the start defy that assumption. If the guy’s already dead- as assumedly he should be- why would Ethandur be desiring to make him pay? Or is this the type of man who doesn’t plan like that… anyways, Nadiel comes in and says Ry is stronger than he thought. There is no instant anger, as I would expect from a man like this upon hearing that a high-ranking minion has failed, which leads me to believe this was a sort of test run, to see how good he was. Then again, perhaps I’m looking into it far too much. But conspiracy theories are always fun, and so I shall indulge myself. ^_^ There. ^_^ I will go back and critique the parts that I skipped previously, I'm just too lazy to do it now. [:D]

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (11/18/2008 0:32:37)
Thanks for reading! n_n Ry fights dirty. A fight's a fight, and if he's going to get out alive, he's going to need to take some precautionary measures. XP And Ry knows Nadiel. The two of them have had some experience in the past -- I should try to make that a little more apparent. More will be revealed in the book that I've planned out but not written. >_> And that last bit... I'll think about it when my brain isn't addled by trying to do a million things at once. What you're saying makes sense, but I'm going to make sure my thoughts are in order before I do anything. And lastly, I have a new poem up! =D Lots of love to Gothmog, who gave it a little critique and helped polish it up a bit. Gave me ideas for a host of little things that made the poem just that much better. n_n

Firefly -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (11/18/2008 19:19:50)
Reading lastest poem before your avvy destroys me with cuteness overload... All these opinions are mine only. Feel free to disagree. Also, I'm being so nitpicky that, even if a line is okay but I see another way that /might/ be better (or it might not be. Use your judgement, 'cause I dunno, lol), I'll point it out. Just offering options. Also, more on this in the end, but I loved it. ;) quote: Footsteps sound-- The crunching of grass The rustle of leaves. This is one of those times when I really don't know. I'm not sure if it's fine as is or if all the "the" and "of" are rather wordy (due to how short poetry is, unnecessary words can leave, imo). In other words, I'm not sure if you should leave it or if you should change the last two lines to something like "Crunching grass/Rustling leaves." Also, just a thought, but maybe a colon fits more than a dash here. Maybe, since what after can be an elaboration, especially if you take my suggestion. I dunno. quote: A silent figure strides over the grass, The repetition of saying "grass" again kinda stuck out at me. I suggest maybe changing to "field" or something. Also, I don't think "over" fits with "grass" If you take the above suggestion, feel free to keep over. If you use grass, I think "across" is the more fitting preposition. quote: from a full moon I think "the" fits better than "a" for an object such as the moon where, in the assumption that you're on earth, there is only one. It's just more powerful here, imo. quote: beneath the stars' unbiased judgment. I normally wouldn't pick at stuff like this, but since you want me to go nitpicky... I don't favour stars' or any plural possessive in writing/poetry. The way it is said twirls my tongue around and doesn't flow the best it can. "unbiased judgement of the stars" definitely won't work. It's probably ten times worse. The only two suggestions I have left are: "beneath the stars with unbiased judgment." and "beneath the stars (optionally, you can put a comma after "stars") in unbiased judgment." But it's really not that broken, and my fixes might make it worse, so use your own thoughts here, lol. quote: I raise my arm and beckon The crickets cease their cacophony of sound. Meh, it's poetry, but I think they're really independent lines/sentences so you might need a comma/semicolon after "beckon" quote: Let my nocturne play up to the sky. Hmm... I understand that the word "play" really fits here, but the "up" is kinda shoving the flow around. Plus, you say "up" again only a few lines later. If you can replace "play up" with a single, powerful word... I mean, play doesn't really work that well without the up. Perhaps "sail" "spiral" "drift" I dunno. Depends on what type of connotation you're trying to give. Btw, if you change, remember to change all refrains. I won't bother copy pasting all of them, lol. quote: an steady ostinato of chirps. "an"? Got'cha! Typo, correct? "a" quote: colors of melody flow and ebb like the tide. I don't like where you're placing the "the" here. It's probably just, but I think it fits better before "melody" rather than "tide." Or maybe get rid of the "the" altogether for balance. Or maybe "like ocean tide" or something. I dunno. quote: A percussive buzz cuts clear through the night I really suggest you remove "clear" Adverbs/adjectives that are unnecessary are usually better removed, imo. "cuts" already gives a connotation of "clear" Plus, it seems to flow better without in my head. quote: And the moon illuminates my eyes. I suggest you remove the "and" It's rather unnecessary and it's not helping the flow, imo. quote: They shine hazel but with the spark of life I don't know what is warranting the existence of the "but" Why shouldn't hazel be the spark of life? I'm a bit confused. Maybe you can take out the but so you don't confuse people like me, lol. quote: Fluidly, I'd use a simple "Fluid." Still fits and gets rid of the -ly ness. (I dislike -ly adverbs, lol) quote: let it pull me to new words. "worlds"? I think that fits more... quote: We embrace. Something about this seems off and I can't think of a good fix. I know you use the short line for impact, but it didn't seem to fit in with the stanza. I suggest perhaps lengthening it, refering back to the earlier lines, or, well (really bold move), make this line its own stanza. That'll achieve a "bang" if it's what you want. quote: as the beats wash over me as the rhythms dance down my spine. This is not so much your fault as it is mine, but I (and, according to my observations, many others) am so used to reading the singular forms in times like this that your usage of the plural throws me off. Imo, the singular flows better and adds more power, like it's /the/ music, not any old music, if you get my drift. I suggest "beat washes" and "rhythm dances" but again, it might be simply because it's what readers are more comfortable with. quote: fades away to a slow fine. My technical music knowledge is getting blurry, so can you explain what "fine" means in this case? Or maybe I'm just getting tired... quote: And then I bow I honestly think it flows better without the "and" Another option is "I then bow" but that doesn't flow right either. quote: A lone firefly lights its lantern in the distance. /me guffaws Yay! I really liked this one, Versy. The imagery was /awesome/! And I liked how you made it first person without overusing unnecessary words like "I" Beautiful. Perfect ending. really enjoyed reading this fantastic work of written art.

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (11/18/2008 21:37:36)
1) If I were to simply make it "crunching grass" or "rustling leaves", it would imply that the leaves/grass are actively making noise, when it is, in actuality, a foot stepping on them that make noise. I'm quite particular with definite versus indefinite articles: "the" is stronger, signifies that it is the one and the only, not just some random example I pull out of nowhere. I even wrote a poem about it. XP Going after that, what I have isn't really an elaboration. I want the footsteps, the crunching, and the rustling all to appear as separate entities, as three different ideas. Yes, the footstep causes the other two, but to the mind of the musician, it is three separate songs. We don't just call it "the harmony". It's the major suspended sixth with the third in the bass. The ability to pick out those individual sounds... It's not much unlike the ability to pick out the elements of a sentence, figure out what's right grammatically, and then figure out what kind of impact it has on the mood and tone of the entire paragraph (in this metaphor, it would be the musical phrase). 2) I want to keep over, to emphasize more on the "gliding" bit. Hmm. The trouble is to come up with a word that can be interpreted as a field, but isn't exactly synonymous with "meadow". =/ 3) Makes sense. 4) I don't really see anything wrong with it. If I were to do anything with it, it would become more wordy. And wordiness trips my tongue more than any plural possessives ever will. 5) Note the capitalized/uncapitalized lines. I've decided to make that a part of my poetic style. If it really isn't working out the way I planned in my mind, you can just let me know and I'll see if I can tweak it a bit. 6) I like the sound of "drift". 7) When you're seized by the pure, unfiltered rush of emotions we often label spontaneous inspiration, spelling has no matter. That one slipped under my radar in my readthrough afterwards. >_> 8) It just doesn't sound right without the "the". I do want to highlight "melody" more than "tide", but I feel that the "the" isn't really too much of a factor in this line. The first bit /does/ come first, after all. 9) But if I get rid of it, I have a cliche line. The refrain is bad enough as it is; I don't need anything else dragging this down and making it sound corny. >_> Also, I do believe we have differing views on stuff like this. If it'll help bring the point across, say it, I say. Even if that means adding a couple adjectives or adverbs that aren't really necessary. Unless they're clearly redundant. 10) I don't see a problem with it. If I were to get rid of it, I would need to signify a break or a pause. I want those two lines to be read straight through. 11) Makes sense. I originally added the "but" because hazel is a shade of gray, and gray generally doesn't connotate very lively things. 12) I can see how that'll help the flow. "-ly" adverbs are perfectly fine, though. >_> 13) Those silly typos. 14) I think I'll take the last suggestion and see how that works out when I read it again a few months from now. (Though I wouldn't describe that scene as a "bang". =P) 15) The plural does help with the image that it's flowing, that it's continuously moving. Singular would just connotate something that's there. All-encompassing, but static. Y'know? 16) Fine. Pronounced "FEE-nay". Del Capo al Fine, Del Segno al Fine: two signs you might see in sheet music. It means to repeat until the end, the Fine. I'll capitalize that so that it's a little more apparent that it's a musical term. 17) I'm fine with it. I can't think of anything better, either, so I'll just stick with it. >_> 18) I was trying to think of an insect that would do something at night. And then, I decided, "Why not add a visual aspect to it?" So I did. Absolutely no reference to you, except by coincidence. I'm really glad you liked it. n_n This, personally, will go amongst one of my greatest poetic works I've written thus far. I love sporadic bursts of inspiration. =D

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (11/23/2008 23:35:06)
New poem! "Here's That Rainy Day Again", inspired by a song of almost the same name. It's instrumental jazz, though, so I didn't rip off any lyrics. =P

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (12/13/2008 1:37:27)
And thus, the trend of late-night (or early morning, however you see it) updates continue. I just revamped Chapter 1 -- again. Hopefully, this one will be the last one, aside from minor edits. Now I've got lines to memorize. /me grumblegrumbles

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (3/15/2009 23:44:48)
Posted the next chapter of Prince of Thieves. Is it edited and pristine? Nope. But I've given up on editing, passing edits and re-writes off as excuses for new material. I'm just going to forge ahead, actually finish something, and then go back to edit later. That is, if I finish it. ._. I did post the new-and-improved Prologue and Chapter 1, though. Old-and-improved, from how long ago I edited it.

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (3/19/2009 0:04:41)
New poem up. "A Copper". Debating on if I should call it "A Copper's Tale". Very much a deviation from my poetic norm -- though, this time, instead of getting crazier, I go back to more traditional forms. The form for this one is pretty much a modified limerick with a more musical approach to meter than a syllabic count. And I gotta tell ya, the meter /and/ the rhyming was NOT fun to deal with. Hence, why I write free-verse all the time. XP

Firefly -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (3/19/2009 0:09:22)
I like the current title. Fits with the repetition of "A copper" in places. Well worth the effort it took to write, imo. None of the rhymes sounded forced, and you really captured a lotta the power with the clever flow. I tend to favour structured verse, so this is one of my favourites from you. ;) Oh, and I absolutely adored the ending. Not much to critique about. A few lines were too long and there were times when you capitalized after colons and dashes. Not sure if those were intentional. Overall, I loved.

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (3/23/2009 0:13:39)
@FF: I've noticed, when reading (and on those silly little grammar worksheets my teacher likes to give me), that with colons, if there is a full sentence past the colon, the first letter is capitalized again. It's just how I've been typing for a while -- dunno if it's grammatically correct (I don't entirely trust those worksheets, especially after finding grammar errors that shouldn't've been there), but I'm going to stick with that. There are a few that I noticed that I fixed. Thanks for pointing it out. n_n Someday, I'm going to go over and make sure all the lines actually fit together. Some of them I messed with the rhythm a bit because I couldn't think of anything else. XP @Alac: I'll have to be honest and say that I was all, like, ZOMG when I saw the post. But I'm really glad you liked it. That one was like the shining beacon of light amidst the angst of my emoetry. (As much as I loathe to admit it, I'm willing to bet that quite a few prominent or otherwise really good poets started off as angsty emo poets. XP) Thanks a ton for the comments! =D

Firefly -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (3/23/2009 16:36:04)
Yeah, I think (like you, I'm not /entirely/ sure but I've seen it used in books) that if something after a colon is a full sentence, it should be capitalized. But I'm not so sure about dashes... Like here: quote: We were friends -- Inseparable, us two.

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (4/25/2009 0:49:31)
Firefly: That was one of the ones I fixed. Forgot to update the thread, though. [/late] Alac: I'm really glad you enjoyed it! (Though when I saw those two lines, I realized that I changed both of them. XP I hope they still keep the same effect. Might un-revise the latter one because I lose some of the contrast and juxtaposition...) I updated both Night Music and A Copper, considering I've revised both of them since I last updated the thread. I also translated Night Music into German for Foreign Language Week, if anyone's interested. =D

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (6/1/2009 1:14:55)
Revised Chapter 2. Rearranged things, rewrote the scene with Rychaeth and the thug, removed the dream sequence. Don't worry, that'll be coming back later in the story; I don't intend to completely remove the dream sub-plot-thingy. Hopefully, it stays coherent despite my rearranging of the segments. I just thought that the one line was the perfect way to end the chapter. >.>

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (8/6/2009 2:48:49)
Added a new story, Dreaming of Clouds. Written for a contest on deviantART. I did some experimentation, especially with implication -- I hope y'all enjoy it. n_n

Pizzaboi -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (8/6/2009 19:47:46)
I'll get to reading it soon Coyote :3 Ah and im almost done with your prince of theives. I'll try to proofread it when i have some extra time,ive got a concert coming up.

Jadugarr -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (8/7/2009 1:23:45)
quote: ...He attended school, did his his homework, played with his own circle of friends; He received above-average grades in class, but remained... D: quote: "Hey, birdbrain!" he called to Johnathan. "One of your buddies crapped on my dad's car yesterday. Tell them to lay off!" xD quote: For when young Johnathan slept, he soared. G'awww -==-==-==-==- Great story, Coyote. The repetition in the second and third paragraphs was perfectly done. The dialogue was also very well put. quote: There was something not ordinary — not quite extraordinary — but something different about this small child with brown hair and freckles. And, I just love this quote. Simple and poetic.

Coyote -> RE: The Dracowolf Times (8/7/2009 4:38:00)
Thanks for reading, both of you! n_n Means a lot that I finally have some people commenting. (Oh, and I fixed that little error. Wouldn't be good if it got judged with that there. XP)

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