RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (Full Version)

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Helixi -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/16/2009 16:04:58)

Argh, I hate computer breakdowns! I'm still reading, I promise. Hell, I might even get to CCing the next chapter.




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/16/2009 21:35:17)

Please, call me Pie. :P

For those interested in some of the "backstory", Necro was my first RP character... well, more of his final form then what he is now. He was the typical mysterious black robed guy with a scythe with darkness powers, and as such he was my main RP character in many different RPs. Eventually, I helped found a "LoZ" roleplaying guild, and as one of the guild leaders, I had a large influence over certain aspects of the guild, including some... "tweaks" to the LoZ main setting (we were a crazy guild, trust me on that, good times, all before I came here) XD

Anyways, The Reapers were added on when a friend of mine wanted a character similar to Necro's, but with fire attribute. So I eventually whipped up a Reaper system similar to the one in the story, and the Reapers were born. While it may not make too much since "logically", I assure you that my guild was far from logical, and that the naming of this group was the least of concerns for logical people. :P

I'll get a new chapter up tomorrow, hopefully.




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/16/2009 22:10:49)

The Nightly is here! Crit -eh - quing!

Ze prologue

Alrighteh!:

quote:

stroking what was presumably where a chin would be inside his hood.


That sounds weird to me. Just a personal thing, thought I'd point it out.

quote:

“Earth, for the love of the Giant Pie in the Sky, the planet is called Earth. EARTH! Only in certain rare variations of the planet is it ever called “Terra”, and I know that you can distinguish between variations. I happen to know that variants 1 million to 65 million of the Sol System are counted under the “Realistic” umbrella by the FCPA, and they address their planet as Earth in the language most commonly accepted, if there was a “universal language” for the species,”


If your " inside of a dialougue, (my english teacher told me this) your suppposed to use the nice little ' ones instead so that way people like me won't get confuzzled. Which I noticed you did in the next paragraph. So be consistent.

ROOT BEER!!!!!!!!!!!

:P

Next chaptur?

quote:

“Alright, you come from a world where science has been the mainstay of “progress” of your species.


Again with the " *wags finger*

quote:

“Quick question; does this world has creatures besides humans?” Necro asked, having finished his pumpkin pie.


Need I explain?

“There are plenty of monsters, orcs and goblins to cause havoc. Humans are the main sentiments here, if that’s what you mean.

I'm not sure but should this be sentients?

Chaptuh TWOOO!!!!

quote:

This time it was Necro’s turn to interpret Grim.


Interrupt?

Chapter Three :DDDD

quote:

EVA picked up the a Reaper beacon there


I'm guessing a letter got added somewhere in there?

Chapter Four I want to be in this! :(

quote:

leveling up get tougher the higher you are


gets

quote:

It was quite acrobatic for an undead deer, as Grim’s trapeze-tightrope-flaming hoop-guillotine obstacle course.


as Grim’s trapeze-tightrope-flaming hoop-guillotine obstacle course what? Showed? explained? ate? you left out a verb!

Chapter 5... there's 8 bloody chapters!! I'm taking a break..




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/17/2009 8:12:32)

Hahahahahahahaha, it's just going to get longer Nightly. I'll make the edits today, and possibly get next chapter up. :P




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/17/2009 8:31:48)

Well I was dumb enough to start this at 10 last night... I'll keep working though! :D I iz in chapter 5 no?


quote:

I know I’m starting to rant again and go off topic, solet’s move on to some more of your subtle abilities: emotion manipulation.”


so<->lets. space yes?



Chapter seis

quote:

disrespecting y’all seriously


I knew that would be here somewhere...


Chapter 7 :D

quote:

“First, you are dressed in a black traveling cloak similar in design to many necromancers. However, more of a give away is that extremely wicked looking scythe on the back with the runes in blood red that read in ancient Common “Death is Power!” and “Necromancers rule!”, as well as the “Down with the Life Element” rune on the very end there near the shaft” the Paladin explained, his sword still drawn and pointing at Necro.


Your doing the " again.

quote:

“I beg your pardon sir! I happen to be quite “sentient” of myself and my surroundings. I was just sitting there trapped inside the earth for who knows how long, and this kind fellow decides to use my carcass for his doing. So, using his power, I managed to get myself out from the ground and agreed to help him out as I was just sitting there doing nothing,” the skeleton replied, his eyes also red just like Grim’s.


"" again

Chapter 8

None :P

And fin!

Good story!!!






Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/18/2009 17:20:11)

Ok, I'm too lazy to go through and change quotation marks, y'all can get over that bad habit. Other then that, I made the corrections. Chapter 9 should be up sometime tomorrow :P




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/20/2009 16:57:26)

Oi! Donde Estas Chapter 9?!

Wheres the ninth chapter! I'm upset :(




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/20/2009 17:16:10)

I got sidetracked by Kingdom Hearts, leave me alone. (Just bought a PS2, SO many games to play! @_@)

I'll have it up some time tomorrow. I have it partially written right now. :P




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/21/2009 17:15:48)

Oh please... you upset me.




deathwalker05 -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/22/2009 7:02:54)

We'd have at least 2 chapters by now if you updated when you said. >>
Also, good story




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/22/2009 11:00:29)

I warned y'all not to expect that type of fast updating. That WAS abnormal of me. I promise there WILL be a chapter up by Friday. :P




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/22/2009 11:12:20)

Blasphemy!

If not, I will abdicate.




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/24/2009 20:27:43)

No need to abdicate, I got it up. We're entering a "3 part mini-arc" here, starting with Chapter 9, and ending with Chapter 11. I won't say what happens, but Chapter 9 should give y'all some hints about what's to come (I've never been good at hiding spoilers like that :P)

Chapter is up, so enjoy it! I may even get another one up tomorrow, depends on my mood.




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/24/2009 21:33:08)

Huzzah! I'm reading now!

Oh, you'll miss my amazing talents from the uhh 26th till the next friday whenever that is. Our time :P

quote:

“Seriously, the readers are probably quite eager for y’all go get to the first town, considering the goofing off that’s been going on,” Grim sighed.


Hehe :P


quote:

Assault Patter Tango was one of the standard maneuvers that the three had practiced during their few days together at Calico.


Pattern?


Bum bum bum.... It's the Fire Reaper!

(And Nightly the Wind Reaper is close behind :D)




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/24/2009 21:52:47)

Nightly the Wind Reaper? As if my dear friend, this is based off of PAST experiences, before I joined up with Aerodu, though my wind mage will have some similar techniques to my RP charrie Cid, if anyone is familiar with him. :P

Already starting the next chapter, will edit last one later.




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/24/2009 21:53:29)

Cid, is a bum. There! I said it! [:D]




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/25/2009 17:29:47)

A bum? He keeps the entire airship afloat you twit! >.>

In other news, next chapter up. Don't expect this type of udpate all the time, unless you want to disapoint yourself. :P




deathwalker05 -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/25/2009 19:37:58)

Ya...think we figured that out after the 5 or so day late chapter, lol




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/25/2009 21:02:56)

Pie, that's while I'm leaving for 5 days. Hopefully there will be two chapters up by then... If I'm lucky. Anyways, crit-e-quing time.

quote:

See, there’s this cave called the Forbidden Cave that’s only half a kilometer from the town. I wandered into the cave due to boredom and curiosity one day, and happened to run into the demon that’s living in their.


First off, horrible originality.

Second off, there.

quote:

“It was a gift form the Infernal Forgers for reaching Freemason.


From

And that's it. Well Pie, I'm signing off until Friday, so have fun with the clan and good luck with your story.

And I still think you need to insert a girl now just to put in the whole, "OMG you are so annoying/immature! Why do you always do that" and such. Just my opinion.




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/29/2009 21:03:40)

Female? Oh no, we can't have any females until we meet the Reaper of Wind, who will be met in the next arc... which will be longer then this one, at least that's how I have it planned...

Ahh, well, let's get some things straight here:

1) The next chapter is up, and is it a doozy

2) I will be leaving this Friday to go to Disney World! Naturally, I won't be posting for over a week, so don't expect any updates whatseover, as I'll be too busy having way too much fun :D

I would like to hear some more feedback, especially about the latest chapter, as it was a bit... bold compared to everything else. Did y'all expect the ending of Chapter 11? Did you like it?

Also, while I'm gone, I would love it if y'all would ask questions about the world of Tipa that haven't been adressed by Grim in the story already. I will forget some sort of plot device or thing that probably needs explaining anyways, and it's better if it's covered now. So, if you have any questions for Grim, ask them here, and you may see it in the next chapter! :o

I'll be back at my house by... August 6th, maybe? Depends on if we're stopping at New Orleans on the way home (yes, we're driving from Disney World to Texas, don't ask, it's a long story). Don't expect something anytime soon. However, I should be able to get all my ideas sorted out by the time I return. I bid y'all farewell, and keep posting comments!




deathwalker05 -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/30/2009 10:29:00)

Well, not sure if you have planned it somewhere already, but i believe i remember you having grim say hed tell necro about the structure of the necromancers guild.




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (7/30/2009 11:46:22)

Yes, the Necromancers will be explained in the next chapter, thank you for reminding me about that.




Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (8/1/2009 12:56:54)

Ultrapowerpie

Looks good to me.




Cow Face -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (8/2/2009 13:46:51)

I really like the premise of this story. It's been done before, yes- the ordinary guy getting sucked into another world and given powers- but the very fact that you note that seems to me to be a twist in itself. I found it to be a rather fresh take on it. Your humor, too, made it quite an enjoyable read. “Of course! Everyone knows that you can’t have a long plot exposition without pie! Or root beer!” for instance, made me laugh. While I only read up to chapter two- limited time- I could tell that I will enjoy the rest when I read it. It sort of reminds me of "theater of the absurd," in which the characters recognize and frequently note that they are in a play. I've always liked it when characters break the fourth wall, heheh. I plan on reading the rest, but I thought I'd tell you my thoughts so far, as well as some proofreading. Oh, and the fourth chapter- at least when I saved it to my 'drive- had the center tags messed up.


Proofreading
Since I saved this to my flash drive on Wednesday, you may have fixed some or all of these errors. Also, since your story is so long, I'm going to be quite general of some of your more common errors; hope you don't mind.

Prologue / Chapter One / Chapter Two - I forgot to note where one stopped and the next began, sorry. D:

quote:

“I’m sorry EVA, could you run that by me again?” a deep, dark, almost but not quite demonic voice asked.

There should be a comma after "sorry."

quote:

This figure differed from the typical sterotype,as the figure

There should be a space between stereotype and as; also, you misspelled stereotype.

Often, your dialogue does not end in a punctuation mark. For instance, here...
quote:

“Actually, I believe your exaggeration may actually be accurate in this account, Master” EVA responded

...there should be a comma after Master. I noticed the same thing several times later.

quote:

“Sorry Master, he is from ‘Earth’,

Most punctuation marks- semicolons, for example, are an exception- belong in quotation marks; the same goes for single-quotes (apostrophes).

Just a note: You have a double-space between "...in its voice at the moment" and "Never mind that, ..."

quote:

The room the figure was in was a rather large circular room, with a 100 foot radius. The voluptuous room

Did you mean "voluptuous" or "voluminous" here?

quote:

“Minor alterations that would have caused some inconveniance

Should be "inconvenience."

quote:

letting things run their course with only… “minor” altercations needed.

Here, I think you mean "alterations."

quote:

You’re probably what the definition of ‘magic’ is.

Do you mean "You're probably [unsure] what the definition of 'magic' is?" ?

quote:

“Yes, peasant’s DO use scythes

The apostrophe here isn't needed.

quote:

“I have absolutely no idea, but I just thought of some that looked awesome.” Necro said

Period here should be a comma.

quote:

“It’s your scythe, you control it’s properties.

The second it's should be its.

quote:

extension of you.” He commented as he was Interrupted by a DING noise.

First period should be a comma, He shouldn't be capitalized, Interrupted shouldn't be capitalized.

quote:

“It would have gone better if you had instructed him better” EVA commented.
“Give me a break, I’m new to this whole mentor thing. I’ll get it right by the 6th Reaper, and hopefully they’ll already know stuff about magic.” Grim sighed.

I think you want to double-space these.

That's all for now! Again, I really enjoyed this. ^_^




Ultrapowerpie -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (8/5/2009 19:55:04)

Awwwww, thanks Cow Face! I'll make those edits later.

I had a change of heart, and will introduce the Reaper of Water in the next chapter, just for giggles and for sanity... maybe. :P

Yes, I'm back from Disney World. I may even comment in a few other peoples threads, but for now, I'm working on Chapter 12. Should be up by... tomorrow? Maybe? Who knows. :P




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