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Cow Face -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (8/2/2009 13:46:51)
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I really like the premise of this story. It's been done before, yes- the ordinary guy getting sucked into another world and given powers- but the very fact that you note that seems to me to be a twist in itself. I found it to be a rather fresh take on it. Your humor, too, made it quite an enjoyable read. “Of course! Everyone knows that you can’t have a long plot exposition without pie! Or root beer!” for instance, made me laugh. While I only read up to chapter two- limited time- I could tell that I will enjoy the rest when I read it. It sort of reminds me of "theater of the absurd," in which the characters recognize and frequently note that they are in a play. I've always liked it when characters break the fourth wall, heheh. I plan on reading the rest, but I thought I'd tell you my thoughts so far, as well as some proofreading. Oh, and the fourth chapter- at least when I saved it to my 'drive- had the center tags messed up.
Proofreading
Since I saved this to my flash drive on Wednesday, you may have fixed some or all of these errors. Also, since your story is so long, I'm going to be quite general of some of your more common errors; hope you don't mind.
Prologue / Chapter One / Chapter Two - I forgot to note where one stopped and the next began, sorry. D:
quote:
“I’m sorry EVA, could you run that by me again?” a deep, dark, almost but not quite demonic voice asked.
There should be a comma after "sorry."
quote:
This figure differed from the typical sterotype,as the figure
There should be a space between stereotype and as; also, you misspelled stereotype.
Often, your dialogue does not end in a punctuation mark. For instance, here...
quote:
“Actually, I believe your exaggeration may actually be accurate in this account, Master” EVA responded
...there should be a comma after Master. I noticed the same thing several times later.
quote:
“Sorry Master, he is from ‘Earth’,
Most punctuation marks- semicolons, for example, are an exception- belong in quotation marks; the same goes for single-quotes (apostrophes).
Just a note: You have a double-space between "...in its voice at the moment" and "Never mind that, ..."
quote:
The room the figure was in was a rather large circular room, with a 100 foot radius. The voluptuous room
Did you mean "voluptuous" or "voluminous" here?
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“Minor alterations that would have caused some inconveniance
Should be "inconvenience."
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letting things run their course with only… “minor” altercations needed.
Here, I think you mean "alterations."
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You’re probably what the definition of ‘magic’ is.
Do you mean "You're probably [unsure] what the definition of 'magic' is?" ?
quote:
“Yes, peasant’s DO use scythes
The apostrophe here isn't needed.
quote:
“I have absolutely no idea, but I just thought of some that looked awesome.” Necro said
Period here should be a comma.
quote:
“It’s your scythe, you control it’s properties.
The second it's should be its.
quote:
extension of you.” He commented as he was Interrupted by a DING noise.
First period should be a comma, He shouldn't be capitalized, Interrupted shouldn't be capitalized.
quote:
“It would have gone better if you had instructed him better” EVA commented.
“Give me a break, I’m new to this whole mentor thing. I’ll get it right by the 6th Reaper, and hopefully they’ll already know stuff about magic.” Grim sighed.
I think you want to double-space these.
That's all for now! Again, I really enjoyed this. ^_^
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