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Nightly -> RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments (8/11/2009 22:52:29)
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Well I'll be back then so by all means :P
Have fun!
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“Don’t be so eager to join the heard, because first off you can’t.
herd
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“However, you’re not going to complete this mission like a normal one. Necro and Charis will be doing the majority of the fighting,
Slip-up?
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Rather, it liked like a giant junkyard
looked
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It DOES look good on her… get a grip Necro, we’re still fighting with each other and we’ve got an army of rouge droids. No matter how curvy her body is, don’t get distracted, Necro thought to himself, hoping that she wouldn’t pick up on that line of thought.
Missing quotations on the dialouge.
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“YOU ARE DEAD!!!” She yelled, and conjured up the largest ice spire yet, this one twice as big as her, and hurled it a Necro. Necro anticipated the move, and used small blast of Death Energy to redirect the missile,
a small
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Necro repeated this maneuver as a Jenna hell-bent on destroying Necro continued her onslaught. Soon, the entire platoon was eliminated.
This doesn't sound right. Can't think of how to fix it.
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Necro sighed, coming up with a contingency plan that would work at great personal cost to him. He slowly walked over to Jenna, and gently poked her left breast. “Wow, not only are those real, they’re soft too!” He yelled, and quickly dashed off towards the company of droids.
PG-13? poked her chest, and then I might suggest removing the comment.
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and that Jenna won’t be going into “the heat” at all.
“
Your " got moved.
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and our audience probably wants to know how Necro and Jenna are faring, so let’s move on,”
fairing?
Looks fine by me. Although this chapter wasn't as professional as the other latter ones. More errors this time.
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