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nield -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (4/9/2011 9:27:36)
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I've been reading through and I have picked up on some gramatical and some spelling mistakes, as well as some things that don't quite make sense. I'll list them here.
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"The possible identity of this Master of the ShadowScythe. Looking back about one thousand years ago, I found that one of the original DragonLords, a founder of the Order, in fact, went insane and killed the whole Order."
DrakonnanEnduras
"It was. Now, these guys are the DragonLord equivalent of the Paladin Lords, and he wiped them all out in a terribly long war. He gathered their Dragon Amulets and the Prime Elemental Orbs, and used them for something. A ritual. Something went wrong, and he destroyed or absorbed the power of all those Amulets. He nearly died, and lost something precious to him. Before he found out, the archmages and paladins gathered and froze him in enchanted ice."
This, in post 8, makes no sense whatsoever to me. I presume that some parts have somehow been left out.
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He could hadst slain me, but didn't. Post 17, the correct wording here is hath. Hadst does not work with words such as could, wheras hath does.
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"Dead. But thou wouldst'd know that. Thou didst had them killed!" Post 18, the 'd is superfluous. Also, going with your Olde Anglishe speech, change had to hath.
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Mordred was now a higher being, though. Before the paladin had even knocked his arrow Post 19. I believe the word you are looking for is notched.
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"No, it is thou who hath spoken in Elvish." Mordred countered. Post 11. In Olde Anglishe, that no would be 'nay'. I'm just reporting them as I find/remember them.
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He used his special training to quest for his egg, an egg he used his instinct to find the perfect egg. Post 11 again. Rewording is advised.
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A handful of paladins are archmages were carried away, where they were quickly crushed against the walls. Back to post 19. That are should be an and.
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Post 14: "Great! Now we shalt loose all our money to have some blowhard get eaten!" Post 19: loosing You seem to have this habit of using forms of 'loose' instead of forms of 'lose'.
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The Ninth Bureau, the Sector of the Assimilation and Dissection of Information, doesn't actual exist, sir. Post 20. That actual should be an actually.
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Worlds shalt e broken Be.
All in all, I enjoy your story and await the next. Though in parting, I must point out that a comma before 'and' is grammatically incorrect. the word 'and' calls for a pause itself, without requiring the pause a comma brings.
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