RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (Full Version)

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Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/10/2011 16:33:11)

quote:

“He will be fine for a little while. We can cut him down when we return.” Twilly, now fully awake, hopped down from Raven’s shoulder and scurried across the box of gold being carried between the two women and climbed up onto Robina’s shoulder where he proceeded to open her pack and pull out a few pieces of dried meat. After handing one to each of the women he settled down on top of the chest and slowly nibbled on his own piece.


You ... do know that moglins are vegetarians right? Fish is the closest thing to meat they eat.

quote:

Robina carefully pulled a small leather bag from her pack and slowly tied it around the clawkin wanderer’s neck. She then untied its leg and the best fled the clearing. Raven sat in the ground in total shock.


beast

quote:

“Of course! We had a bargen, you help me with the quests and I give you the box.” Robina set the gold and black box at Raven’s feet and said. “You help up your end of our deal, so you may have the box.”


bargain, held




Mortarion -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/10/2011 20:53:57)

The new chapter was nice, can't whait for ny characters appearence *Dances happily*, so can whe expect next chapter on sunday from next week?, btw add me on twitter my name is Raaret




Shadow Ravena -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/10/2011 23:42:54)

one thing I like to know is why Raven is so weak now? I do realize the low-powered staff's aren't helping, but just her knowledge of spells seems far less than before. and for someone who could stand up against seppy and survive, the amount of butt-kick normal monsters give seems a little... off.
other than that, absolutely loved it.




Mordred -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/10/2011 23:55:06)

Raven survived more from chance in my eyes. Also, maybe she doesn't use advanced magic because her staff would break from channeling it, and she can't cast them effectively without a staff/scythe?




Mortarion -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/11/2011 5:21:53)

good explanation




Verethragna -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/11/2011 6:19:56)

I come bearing typos.

quote:

Enraged, the unicouger snapped at him and almost to a chunk out of the little red moglin.


Took, rather than to.

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“I’m not talking to you. Robina merely laughed and jogged to catch up to Raven’s retreating figure.


And there's a missing quotation mark.




nield -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/11/2011 7:05:53)

I told myself I'd get around to reading this one day and I am now. As such I'll report any errors I find.

quote:

Two undead grabbed one of her arms each, and half carried, half drug her outside.
First post, dragged.

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The four had became fast friends
second post. Switch fast and became.

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He had baby blue eyes and twinkled when he laughed, in so many ways Mark reminded the black haired woman of her old friend Mithria. She would have been a warrior. She woman thought sadly as she remembered her friend.
I believe you want that and The, respectively.

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Violet parried attack after attack with the sword in her right hand, and cast fireballs and black lightning with her right.
Left.

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Mark glanced up and quickly said, "Let's sleep under the start tonight.
Stars.

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It glared down at her has Zeratie's screams were abruptly silenced.
Third post. As

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Violet flew into a blind rage as cut down soldier after soldier after soldier,
as she cut, I believe.

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She slowly crawled into the saddle and griped his mane as tightly
Gripped.

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She forced a smile has he glanced at her.
As.

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Just has the captain had said
As. Terrible habit of yours.

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if I went out and got him some from the beehive not to far from here.
Fourth post. Too.

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Mark squeezed her hand to offer comfort before taking the reigns of his horse
Reins.

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clearing out the Darkwolf hideout weeks was now gone.
weeks ago was.

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but each understood that moaping around Swordhaven was not going to bring back their friends. Though they would never forget their comrades, it was time too move on.
moping and to.

quote:

Sepulture's
Post 5. Sepulchure's.

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come out the back of her hands wile self training
while.

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were now longer so difficult to cast
no.

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the memories of her friend still to fresh and painful in her mind to go through her friend's things.
Too.

quote:

After several deep breaths she shock began to wear off
The.

quote:

She though as her horse navigated
Thought.

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Handing the reigns of her own horse to the stable boy,
Reins.

quote:

the thought of going up against Sepulchure scarred her.
Scared.

quote:

You scarred me for a moment
Post 6. Again, scared.

quote:

Mark felt a… other… in his mind leave.
An.

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The two friends entered a small clearing where a several undead gryphons
Superfluous a.

quote:

While the two adventures stood gaping
adventrurers.

quote:

the footsteps were far to light to be him
Too.

quote:

Violet moved through the think doors
Thick.

quote:

from the "wanted" posters circulation Lore
circulating.

Alright, I'm going to stop here for now. I'll be back, with more typos.

Edit: I admit I find the story compelling, so I continue.

quote:

leaving her scythe, and through it her, venerable.
Page 7. Vulnerable.

quote:

sending three skull demons with long ponited teeth
Pointed.

quote:

Turning so that her feet pointed toward down with the current
Maybe try 'turning so that her feet were pointed downwards with the current'

quote:

Turing her head
Page 9. Turning.

quote:

"Feeling better now?" A voiced asked.
Voice.

quote:

ou are the mage that had a run in with the bandits a few ours earlier, correct?
Hours

quote:

then I am going to teleport back some and have some tea.
Home.

quote:

Note to self: No one wins in a headbut!
Page 10. Headbutt.

quote:

Razor floated behind her, his blade singing has he cut down soldier after soldier.
Page 11. As.

quote:

Why discus it?
Discuss.

quote:

though the battle was far to fierce for her to be sure.
Page 12. Too.

quote:

The fish acted like a regular sword because of the breed of fish or something the Doom Knight had done to it Raven did not know.
'Whether' at the start.

quote:

and when one of them received an injury now matter how small he reversed time around the wound until they were healed.
No.

quote:

the remaining four heroes struggled to fend of the attacking army.
off.

quote:

He did not know and ranged attacks and knew that going outside the shield would do more harm than good.
? I have no idea how this should read, but it makes very little sense to me.

quote:

Raven signaled Twilly to a quiet standstill.
Page 14. Signalled.

quote:

then was drug backwards and hauled up by a rope
dragged.

quote:

She heard to loud thumps behind her and when she glanced over her shoulder
two.

quote:

Es pasaukšu ledains vējš!”
Double comma?

quote:

he mace turned a simi transparent light blue
Semi.

quote:

Once she was settled with an arrow knocked on her bowstring Robina nodded for Raven to proceed.
I believe you want notched.

quote:

Enraged, the unicouger snapped at him and almost to a chunk out of the little red moglin.
took.

quote:

The beat stood up and ran around in circles with Raven struggling to remain on its back
beast.

quote:

and the best fled the clearing.
Beast.

quote:

“I’m not talking to you.
Needs another ” at the end there.

quote:

Of course! We had a bargen, you help me with the quests and I give you the box.” Robina set the gold and black box at Raven’s feet and said. “You help up your end of our deal, so you may have the box.
Bargain and held, respectively.

quote:

Never! I’ll not let to steal my dragon!
You.

Ah. That is the last of the typos and general stuff I picked up. I'd have told you more, but I had to remind myself of the differences between American English and Australian English.

All in all, I enjoyed the story, especially the way you paint the images. It really played out very nicely in my mind. Well done, eagerly await the next part.




Mortarion -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/11/2011 15:54:31)

Post next chapter, and answer my pm, btw I asked you to accept me on twitter so whe don't flood the inbox of the other with pm




kowlickkid -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/12/2011 8:33:45)

A very good story, though there are a lot of them around the L&Ls(In my opinion). What I really want to know, though, is how you got so many people to comment. Your new chapter hasn't been up a week and there are already people commenting on it. My story has been up for a little more than a month and I don't have a single comment. Maybe it's the amount of posts? I just used edit. But anyways, this is a very high-quality story and I really am waiting for it to get updated. Kudos to you.




Mritha -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/12/2011 19:37:59)

Oh dear that is a lot of typos! I will get to work on those! Thank you Dwelling, Dante, and nield :)

As for the underpowered Raven, yes I am aware of that problem. tigerlady and Mordred are right, some of it is due to a low powered weapon as well as said weapon was weakened and a spell too powerful would break it. I am actually planning on having that happen later on, when Raven tries to cast a spell to strong for her staff it will shatter in her hands.
However, as a character she is also weaker than she was. Looking back I realized I made her too powerful, there is little room for her to grow without becoming a seriously overpowered character. I plan to go back and change that when I rewrite Part 1 after Part 2 is completed. While much of it will remain the same, I will be putting some serious weakness on her. One of them will be the spell book, and how most of it will be written in a language she cannot understand and thus only a few spells are available for her to learn.

Until then......just pretend she wasn't so darn powerful. :)

@kowlickkid, Actually I didn't have any readers until I started adding in the characters of some of my friends to fill in the roles of "the other heros" that are spoken about in the game. Maybe that has something to do with it? *shrugs* I really do not know, but I am grateful for the constructive criticism they give :) As soon as I can I will read your story :)




Mordred -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/12/2011 19:46:15)

Hey, I read yours before I even knew of cameo appearances! :P OP characters are fine, so long as it's explained why they're so powerful.




Mritha -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/12/2011 19:59:11)

You did? hahaha My apologies then :)

OP characters can work out sometimes.....a perfect example would be your story Mordred. However I dislike writing them as I don't want to get into the habit of doing so. Besides, I don't think Raven being OP would work out in this story, I am trying to stick to the main storyline as much as possible and right now.....according to the game....Raven should still be learning. Depending on the player she probably doesn't even have all her skills unlocked yet!




Verethragna -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/12/2011 23:31:50)

*Blinks at Nield's post* And here I was worried that I'd appear to be a Grammar you-know-what. XD
*Not that I'm calling Nield one, mind*

@Mritha: I just keep telling myself that she was Lv130 at the start and that Sepulcher Data Drained her. *Cookie for reference*




nield -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 0:07:27)

Meh. I am a grammar and a spelling nazi and I know it. But it's a little hard doing it for a different type of English [8|]

Heh, Tron.

@Mrith: I just figured that it was natural. The enemies finally caught up to her level.




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 4:32:27)

I thought Raven was just used to fighting people/undead, animal monsters require a completely different approach to fight.




Baron Dante -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 11:05:13)

@nield: It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't all in pink. Being some degree of grammar nazi myself, I would go telling you to fix the color ;)




nield -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 11:25:21)

In my defence, it wasn't all in pink. Because it is possible to get the insides of the quotes pink, too.




Mortarion -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 14:30:16)

when is next chapter up?




Baron Dante -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 15:12:33)

@nield: No, really? Cause they are pink -.-




Verethragna -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 21:08:47)

@Nield: I'm a bit of one myself, but I was trying to hold back.

And, no. It's not Tron.


@Delex: Patience. The next chapter will be up once she's written it down.




Mortarion -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 21:20:32)

I know but I need it [:(][:(][:(]




nield -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/13/2011 21:28:32)

@Baron: Not on my screen they aren't.

@Lacan: I'm pretty sure I heard the term in the original...

>.> ... picked up on one last thing. Very last line of the last post. 'Its that time of year' should be 'It's that time of year'.




megakyle777 -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/19/2011 10:05:11)

I must say, I quite liked The Legacy of A Hero. I don't think I have seen that idea about and would LOVE to read more on Raven's Adventures. I just wonder how you are gonna pull all the story elements like The Master and Sepulchure together into an ending since we have n ot got that far. And will we be seing such things as Ravenloss or the Zeuster Saga?




Mortarion -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/19/2011 17:30:23)

Is next chapter up?




superjars -> RE: =DF= The Legacy of a Hero (4/19/2011 19:08:18)

Repeatedly asking for a new chapter will not make it come any faster, Delex. If you have any comments or criticism about her works, feel free to post those here, but these threads are not here for anyone to make demands on a writer. Each person has a personal life which takes up some of their time, as well as Writer's block which can hamper even the most accomplished of writers. Please do not continue asking when the next chapter will come when Mritha has made it clear that she is working on it, and that it will be posted when she is done. Thanks.




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