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Wildroses -> RE: =DF= Frostval Adventure Stories and Poems 2010 Commentary (12/27/2010 0:17:30)
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@Shinobi Shadowmaster: Yes, I can see how RPing would help. Writing is only half the work, the other half is picturing what you are going to write.
@Guthixnite: The Day the Plushie's Retaliated.
Following the thread of the action was not difficult at all, and I got a good sense of Guthixnite's character and personality from his dialogue, actions and the way other character's responded to him without you actually telling me, which is great. 'Show don't tell' is one of the phrases writer's are always being encouraged to do.
Personally, I think this piece would work better as a first person account than a third person account. This would mean changing all the 'he' and 'Guthixnite' parts to 'I' mostly. Also I think it could be improved by a little more descriptions, but you want to be careful with descriptions. It's easy to go overboard with descriptions, which makes for a very boring read as the reader ploughs on waiting for action to appear. The Great Dragon of Time and Chronomancer armour certainly warrant a description as they are very important points in the story. A little description of a few of the people Guthixnite meets in the inn may be good too, but not all of them or it really will be boring. Perhaps Drake and Lady Ravenwing, since they have speaking parts, and one or two more.
Another thing about this piece, it really strikes me as only the beginning of a long story. I'm left wanting to know more about the Great Dragon of Time and why he chose Guthixnite, more about Guthixnite's training as a Chronomancer, and I'm curious as to how Guthixnite is going to cope with his amnesia. Will his memory slowly return, or is he doomed to spend the rest of his life having people he doesn't remember come up and talk to him? (Personally I think that would be interesting to write and read about). If this is going to be a long piece you will one day finish, this is fine, but if you plan to have it stand alone as a short piece, you may need to do some more tweaking. Incidentally, if this is going to be a long story I think it's going to take you a while to write, certainly longer than the war will last. Don't let that put you off. Writing is hard work.
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