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G.I.G.A. -> RE: Fan-fics of Dragonfable (The rising of legends) (2/13/2011 3:15:46)
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Ah, my mistake on those, then. Although, I must ask, do you type up your chapters on microsoft word or something related before posting them here? I'm mostly asking this because I've noticed quite a few spelling errors in your posts, the likes of which might be recognized by spell check.
Now, for Chapter 2:
As I just mentioned, I found quite a few spelling and grammar errors in your posts. If you don't have access to something like spell check, try reading your posts out loud to yourself before posting them. That can usually catch most, if not all, spelling errors.
For style, as I've mentioned above, things seemed too rushed. I won't go into detail again to avoid redundancy, but I'll point out a particularly glaring issue; the fight scene.
quote:
While they were walking lost, Shadow Soldiers appeared out of campfires, attacked them, and knocked out Leon with a dark pulse. Poor Miritha was going to fight alone against the three of them. They hit her with their katanas, her long black hair swirling in the wind, but a dark lightning hit them. She looked aside, and saw Dan, still being held by DeathKnights, and he smirked and winked to her at the same time, and she noticed that he caused the lightning. The lightning turned into chains, wrapping around and squeezing the soldiers. She didn't knew what to do, and focused dark energy, and hit them repeatedly, but they weren't defeated. Some time after it, their shadows became alive and hurt them, and they struggled, but the chains squeezed them again. Miritha hit them a beam of elctricity, and it zapped them. They struggled again, but the zap hurt them, the chains squeezed them, and their shadows attacked them at the same time. She hit them with a black ball of pure shadow, but they broke the chains. She summoned a black flame, and then, it took the form of a dragon, the eyes glew red, and it started to spin, hitting them. A giant ball of fire fell on them and scorched them. They still resisted, and damaged her with dark energy. One DoomKnight appeared, her eyes glew red, she smiled and Miritha and vanished after some time. They attacked with slashes and darkness balls. All hope seemed lost, but Leon woke up. He attacked with multiple bullets, and the soldiers attacked Miritha. She was pretty weak, but Leon gave her a potion and said:
- This will heal you. Drink it, I'll take care.
Now, this scene seems to play a pretty big part in the chapter, yet i often found myself trying to figure out how exactly things were happening. As I've said above; show, don't tell. Although, it just occurred to me that you might already have plans to edit this chapter, but haven't gotten around to it yet. If that's the case, then I apologize for repeating myself.
Now, you did do something in this chapter that I quite liked. This:
quote:
The first summoned fire bullets, and the latter stabbed them with multiple icicles.
This was a good move on your part. Constantly restating the characters' names can become repetitive and boring after a while, so it's nice to change things up a bit like that.
I might not give in-depth analyses of specific chapters from now on, but rather, I'll give you general comments and advice.
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