Occavatra -> Legen-dairy Artifact, The (3/3/2017 23:01:53)
The Legen-dairy Artifact
Location: Falconreach Inn (Books 1 and 2) -> San Robin and Roblos -> The Artifact!
Level/Quest/Items required: None
Release Date: March 3rd, 2017
Objective: A cheese that's so powerful it will show you what you want? That sounds hard to brie-lieve.
Objective completed: After all these years, San Robin knows where to look next! What did Bishop mean by help, though?
Scaled Yes/No: Yes
(2) Talegio Tog
(1) "Stinky" Bishop - Boss
Cheese Slicer (All Versions)
Sliced Cheese (All Versions)
Access to Legendairy Loot for DCs
San Robin: I know how to track down the bandits! Are you up for it?
Here we go...
Maybe another time?
San Robin: <Character>! At last you're here!
<Character>: What's the matter, San Robin? You sound very excited.
San Robin: I found a way to find the bandits!
<Character>: You did?! How?
San Robin: I was reading a book I just bought, "Stinky Cheeses of Lore and Where to Find Them".
San Robin: And it described a mythical cheese with a smell so strong, it will grant you visions of whatever your heart desires!
<Character>: So... it smells so bad that it makes you hallucinate?
San Robin: In a way! But don't you see?! I could find the bandits this way!
<Character>: I... see.
<Character>: But we don't know if it's real OR where to find it.
San Robin: But we do! The book has pictures AND a map!
<Character>: Well, that's convenient. It must be a busy place then.
San Robin: Not really.
San Robin: The book describes that you will have to battle your way through the cave to find and battle the Wizard of the cheese!
<Character>: Well, that still leaves a lot of adventurers who would love to use an item like it.
San Robin: The book also says the cheese will only grant visions to those who REALLY love cheese.
<Character>: What does it do to those who don't?
San Robin: Let's see...
San Robin: Hmmmmmm...
San Robin: Ah, here it is! "Temporary loss of smell, taste and consciousness".
<Character>: Yeah... that will keep the adventurers away.
<Character> (thinking): Note to self: Stay away from the cheese.
<Character>: Well, I don't know anyone who loves cheese as much as you do, so I don't think it will be as much of a problem.
San Robin: Right!
<Character>: So, what is that cheese called?
San Robin: Oh, it's such an epic name! "The Camembert of Clairvoyance"!
<Character> (thinking): How's that epic?
<Character>: Right, so... I guess we're off to see the swissard?
San Robin: We just follow the yellow brieck road.
<Character> (thinking): I'm disappointed in myself...
*Some time later...*
*You and San Robin climb a mountainside and stumble across a cave made entirely out of cheese with a massive stench and a warning sign with a cleverly thought-out pun written on it at the entrance.*
<Character>: Hmmm... "Brieware to those who enter, only the strongest will pass."
San Robin: *snicker*
<Character>: ... Really?
San Robin: Hey, a cheese pun is a cheese pun!
<Character>: *sigh* Fine... let's enter.
*You both enter the cave and navigate through it, slicing down monsters made entirely of cheese along the way. Eventually, you two reach a ceremonial chamber consisting of a column of three torches on opposite ends with a total of six. Both of you stop upon the realization that you have arrived.*
???: I see you've managed to battle your way through the muensters! Who are you?
*Pans slightly to the right, revealing the fact that you and San Robin are greeted by a blindfolded female mage in bright orange robes and a strange fondness of cheese.*
San Robin: Humbolt travelers, looking for answers.
<Character> (thinking): This is giving me a headache...
San Robin: Are you the Guardian of the Camembert of Clairvoyance?
Bishop: Indeed I am! My name is Bishop!
San Robin: It's an honour to meet you, Bishop! My friend and I would like to make use of the Camembert.
Bishop: Naturally, but you have to prove your worth to me first!
<Character>: That won't be much of a problem!
Bishop: Very well! Let's Brie-gin, then!
*You charge at Bishop and she launches a spell at you in the process, shocked by the incantation's unexpected outcome.
Bishop: Oh cheddar... That's not what I-
*You are quickly covered by a light green, foul-smelling mist while Bishop holds her stunned posture.*
<Character>: *Cough* What is this?! I... *cough*
*You kneel on the ground, too weakened and dazed by the mist, worrying San Robin.*
San Robin: <Character>!
*He, too, charges at Bishop, but the fire on the torches turn light blue with every several steps he takes, sparking Bishop's curiosity.*
San Robin: How is this possible?! In one hit!?
Bishop: ... Your friend clearly wasn't worthy.
San Robin: Not... worthy?! This person is the worthiest I know! I WILL prove you wrong!
Bishop: And how exactly will you do that?
San Robin: I- I challenge you to a pun off!
Bishop: Oh child, you have no idea of the forces you are playing with by invoking the ancient rite of the pun off!
*Loads San Robin.*
San Robin: Try me! Cue the epic music!!!
*San Robin and Bishop partake in the pun off, but the former ends up schooling the latter up to point where she is forced to surrender. Loads back to your basic class and your name is restored.*
Bishop: Enough! I yield!
San Robin: Woo! Master of puns!
Bishop: Such nuanced wit... such masterful paronomasia... You have proven worthy enough to use the Camembert.
Bishop: *Mutter* And interesting at that...
San Robin: What was that?
San Robin: Oh... kay...
<Character>: Uuuuugh... something smells terrible!
*You recuperate from the mist not long after it disappears, but you still feel lightheaded.*
<Character>: What... happened? Did you... win?
San Robin: Yup, I'm the pun master!
<Character>: I'm not even gonna ask.
Bishop: Your friend fought well and has earned the honour of using the Camembert of Clairvoyance.
<Character>: Really? That's great!
Bishop: Now step forward, worthy one!
*San Robin lifts the cake dome off of the column and gets a whiff of the sacred cheese. His pupils disappear and he receives a vision of an elderly adventurer sitting in a forest with an unlit campfire and a tent set up. San Robin quickly snaps out of it and his pupils return.*
San Robin: Ah!
San Robin: <Character>! I know where the bandits are!
<Character>: Great! Lead the way!
Bishop: Safe travels, both of you. Oh and worthy one, feel free to come by more often, I think we could help each other quite well.
San Robin: Will there be cheese?
San Robin: Count me in!
San Robin: But what did you mean by "help"?
Bishop: Everything in due time, but for now, don't you have somewhere to go?
San Robin: Right! Let's go, <Character>!
*Fades to black.*
Cheesy Loot DC Shop! - Opens Legendairy Loot for DCs
Pop-up headlines during the quest:
"By the Avatars... what a smell."
"So. Much. Cheese."
"You don't know how long can you hold your breath... this stinks."
"Bottles of Liquified Cheese. Well, potions are potions, right?"
When using selected San Robin's skills:
Harvati: "Havarti, fiend!"
Comte: "Comte at me, brie!"
Cheddar: "You might be gouda, but I'm MUCH cheddar!"
Taleggio: "Are you Taleggio to me?!"
Feta Final: "Now I cotija! This Feta-feud won't last any langres! I will mascarpown you!"
When "Stinky" Bishop casts one of her skills:
"Smoked Gouda Smoke Curtain!"
"Provel before my might!"
"You're gonna herve a bad time!"
-- Jorath for some quest information.
-- Jorath and Karika for a correction.