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RE: Comments and Criticism: Poetry--Compressed Meaning

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9/14/2010 21:50:08   
Shreder
Member

Yet another:

Memories Persist

This was also written for my creative writing class, where out assignment was to write a poem in about or in response to a famous painting. If you couldn't tell, I chose Salvador Dali's "The Persistence of Memory".
DF MQ  Post #: 101
9/15/2010 6:34:11   
Shreder
Member

And another:

Corpses Are Cause for Exulting

The first line, as you may have realized, was taken from Stephen Crane's poem "Love is Kind".

Oh and incidentally, this marks 7 poems and over 3 months since anyone has commented... Not that I'm trying to make any suggestions or anything... >.>

< Message edited by Shreder -- 9/15/2010 6:35:37 >
DF MQ  Post #: 102
9/16/2010 20:08:30   
Shreder
Member

Yet another:

Rain

DF MQ  Post #: 103
9/16/2010 22:46:01   
Hallie Slidepath
Robot Unicorn Overlord


 Rain is very beautiful. The rythm feels very 'classic', and so does the style of the poem overall.
It's a great read, and you can recognize the feeling, even if you haven't actually been in that exact situation and felt exactly that way.
The rythm didn't feel forced in any way, and I can't spot a typo or any of the kind. It's really, really good.

I don't have time now, but soon I'll read through the rest of your poetry. I really enjoy it ^^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 104
9/16/2010 23:02:35   
Shreder
Member

Aha! A comment! :P

Anyways, thank you for stopping by. I enjoyed writing "Rain", and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Also, I hope you will find time to read through and comment on more of my poetry.
DF MQ  Post #: 105
9/24/2010 15:18:33   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hiya =)

I like Peach. My mind caught a distinct Eastern quality in it, like imagery present in Japanese haiku or classical Chinese poetry, which made me think of peach as the symbol of longevity and the eight immortals ensuring their immortality by eating the peaches of a particular tree. And thus, the simple pleasure is something far more than just that.

I don't know if you meant to have that interpretation in your poem when you wrote it, but that's one I found there. =)
DF  Post #: 106
9/24/2010 20:56:47   
Shreder
Member

I did not write it with that intention in mind, but now that you mention it I can kind of see that too. I wrote it, however, simply as a sensory poem about the pleasure of eating a ripe peach. Anyways, thanks for stopping by to comment!
DF MQ  Post #: 107
9/25/2010 5:05:35   
Ragsrun
DF Artist


 ...*laughs slightly* You sounded almost lonely and forlorn here earlier on.

Anyway, what have I to say to you about your poetry?...nothing negative whatsoever. I actually quite like the way you write every one of these works--which, in general with the wider world in mind, does not manage to happen too often. I cannot quite place a finger on it, but your words just strike a faraway string in my head somewhere. Almost like a olden-times feel and yet not, if that makes any sense whatsoever (which it probably does not! XD ).

But yes, all I have for you at the moment are good words. (...It almost makes me want to go write some poetry of my own right now...) I look forward to reading more from you!
DF  Post #: 108
9/25/2010 8:27:56   
Shreder
Member

Heh, it had just been a long time since anyone had commented.

Anyways, it's funny you mention the olden-time and yet not feeling, because I often get that feeling myself when I read my own poetry, and it's interesting to hear that someone else does too.

Also, I certainly hope you act on the urgings and write some more poetry of your own, as I rather like what you already have up.
DF MQ  Post #: 109
9/28/2010 23:05:11   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Startled
DF MQ  Post #: 110
10/4/2010 2:13:04   
Shreder
Member

Another new poem:

Battle-god

Another poem started with lines from Stephen Crane's "War is Kind", I wrote this as kind of a counterpoint to "Corpses Are Cause for Exulting".
DF MQ  Post #: 111
10/18/2010 2:53:55   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Brilliant Blue

Just a short poetic description of a special sort of beauty I was fortunate enough to behold a few days ago.
DF MQ  Post #: 112
10/18/2010 21:07:13   
Mordred
Member

Shreder, Brilliant Blue is quite beautiful, and captures that beauty of nature we all know and love. Just one question that I'm confuddled on: What is the event? Dawn? Sunset? I'm leaning towards dawn, thanks to the virgin sky bit, but... Yeah, I'm not 100% sure. But maybe that's what you want?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 113
10/18/2010 21:27:32   
Shreder
Member

Actually, it was closer to midday...

But like you said, that detail isn't really important to the main theme of the poem. Thanks for commenting!
DF MQ  Post #: 114
10/19/2010 9:56:51   
Shreder
Member

Another one:

Emotion

This was an experimental poem for me, I took one word, "emotion", and basically free-wrote a big block of text with that word in mind. Then I took that block and separated it into lines, forming this poem. It seem to me a very raw poem, but I think I am happy with how it turned out. Thoughts?
DF MQ  Post #: 115
10/19/2010 17:39:59   
Mordred
Member

Wow. I think you'll make a regular out of me! Anyways, raw is definitely good, especially for such a subject. The rawness of the peom is in line with the rawness of emotion itself, while describing emotions perfectly. I love it.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 116
10/19/2010 20:13:40   
Shreder
Member

Heh, that wouldn't be a bad thing... :P

Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed "Emotion". Like I said, this was a highly experimental poem, and I was actually somewhat doubtful about posting it. But I guess my fears were ungrounded.
DF MQ  Post #: 117
10/25/2010 11:22:33   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Love Again

This one not actually a poem, but lyrics to a song I wrote, complete with melody and guitar accompaniment.

Oh and in case anyone was wondering I'll just come out and say it: No, I do not have a girlfriend, nor was this song was not written for any specific person.
DF MQ  Post #: 118
11/3/2010 1:32:34   
Shreder
Member

Another new poem:

Dare We Aspire?
DF MQ  Post #: 119
11/3/2010 21:10:07   
Shreder
Member

I'd almost entirely forgotten about Translations, but now at long last it is getting an update:

Xun Yin Zhe Bu Yu
DF MQ  Post #: 120
11/8/2010 21:49:34   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear To Tread

Another poem written for my creative writing class. It is, as you may have noticed a pantoum, a poetic form I had never used before. Hopefully I did it justice. Comments, as always, are much appreciated.

< Message edited by Shreder -- 11/9/2010 7:28:40 >
DF MQ  Post #: 121
11/9/2010 9:55:03   
Mordred
Member

Wow, I love this new poem. It speaks true meaning, and it is quite well written. I've always had trouble writing pantoums. Justice has ben served, for you have a clearly formed pantoum.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 122
11/9/2010 19:10:03   
Shreder
Member

Glad you like it.

It took me a while to figure out a theme I thought would work well with the pantoum form, but once I hit upon this one it all flowed fairly easily...
DF MQ  Post #: 123
11/11/2010 22:37:43   
Shreder
Member

Another poem is up in Translations:

Zhu Zhi Ci

Those of you (If there are any) who can read the Chinese version (Which is, I admit, made difficult by the fact that it's in pinyin with no tones...) will see that I have taken a few small artistic liberties in translating this. The main theme, however, remains unchanged, and the liberties taken allowed me to write this in a rhyming form, which I think worked well.
DF MQ  Post #: 124
11/14/2010 8:53:50   
Shreder
Member

New poem up:

Not Set In Stone

Just another poem I wrote the other day. Not exactly my best work, but I felt it was worth posting all the same.
DF MQ  Post #: 125
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