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Essence of Murder- An Episode in London C&C

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3/22/2012 1:49:18   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Link

It's been a while since I've done any real writing so here's my second attempt on a short story taking place in the Rinkernatorverse.

It's somewhat based on real events, but like I said only 'somewhat'. I'll be doing some short twists here and there.

Comments and criticism are very much appreciated.

Discuss away!

~LK



_____________________________
DF MQ  Post #: 1
3/22/2012 2:33:15   
Glais
Member

Drat, ended on a plot twist xP

When I read Jack the Ripper, all I could think of is TVtropes constantly saying VAMPIRE JACK THE RIPPER in relation to JJBA.
Whether that will turn out to be true here remains to be seen. There do seem to be Vampires about...
DF MQ  Post #: 2
3/22/2012 3:22:22   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Plot twist? Where? I haven't even started yet lol. Anyway, don't worry there won't be any vampires here. One of the two is rather vampiric though.
DF MQ  Post #: 3
3/22/2012 3:24:40   
Glais
Member

Sorry, I meant cliffhanger. No idea where plot twist came from.

And I see, hm, thought the sharp teeth indicated Vampire, now I wonder what it actually does mean...
DF MQ  Post #: 4
3/22/2012 4:05:14   
lordkaho
Creative!


 You might want to read the description again. That itself is pretty much a throw away on who we're dealing with here.
DF MQ  Post #: 5
3/22/2012 4:07:13   
Glais
Member

Ah right, me and my always missing of the detail...
DF MQ  Post #: 6
3/22/2012 16:08:31   
Mortarion
Member

I won't say catgirl, because I could be wrong, so, is the purple haired girl, a, well, feline girl? By the way you should draw her XD
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 7
3/22/2012 16:15:16   
lordkaho
Creative!


 But I already have. I mean who else wears a tiara and has purple hair? The only detail I forgot to mention is that she has glasses.
DF MQ  Post #: 8
3/22/2012 16:27:36   
Mortarion
Member

Wait, so you already drew her?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 9
3/22/2012 22:02:50   
lordkaho
Creative!


 She's an already existing character. Try checking the Character Material. Same goes to her pale blue haired friend.
DF MQ  Post #: 10
3/22/2012 22:07:16   
Glais
Member

On that note, I'm somewhat disappointed it's her in particular, as she's my least favorite character of yours....however, writing may make her character likable. I'm willing to give it a chance at least.
DF MQ  Post #: 11
3/22/2012 22:14:36   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Don't worry, it's not about her, but her companion. The title itself reflects that.
DF MQ  Post #: 12
3/22/2012 22:16:44   
Glais
Member

Oh I figured that, I just meant as far as Kharca's presence.
DF MQ  Post #: 13
3/22/2012 22:32:34   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Nah, but you will see that she herself has a twisted view on justice and murder. She's not "evil" per se, but...let's just say she's "different".

I'll update later. The DF war has me hooked at the moment. Goes to show that I really miss the game. Hehe

DF MQ  Post #: 14
3/23/2012 4:03:10   
lordkaho
Creative!


 New updates up.

DF MQ  Post #: 15
3/23/2012 4:15:05   
Glais
Member

That was sort of strange. Glad they didn't kill Jack though...sort of, just because I wished to see him a bit more in the future.
Hm, cannot form an adequate mental image for Maria...
DF MQ  Post #: 16
3/23/2012 4:20:20   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I'll say up front that this is not the literature I normally read. *cracks knuckles.*

quote:

One man in particular, thought he could right wrongs by 'weeding' out the evils of society, oblivious to how his own actions has made him.


had

quote:

She wasn't able to convey emotions nor can she speak, but this woman knew how she was feeling but simply looking at her.


could, by
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 17
3/23/2012 4:27:42   
lordkaho
Creative!


 @Glaisaurus

I wanted to make Jack the Ripper look like an Extremist With Good Intentions, based off a recent depiction of him I saw lately. Him being a magus is something I just added up.

quote:

Hm, cannot form an adequate mental image for Maria...


How come? Do I need to make better descriptions?

quote:

I'll say up front that this is not the literature I normally read.


Not sure if this is a bad thing or a good thing. Is it related to having signs of sexual suspense? Trust me, I won't tread there.

DF MQ  Post #: 18
3/23/2012 4:33:16   
Glais
Member

I....have no idea. Since you know, I've seen your drawing of Maria. Doesn't add up really...
DF MQ  Post #: 19
3/23/2012 4:35:25   
lordkaho
Creative!


 This Maria is the Bloody Effigy version. The one in tattered robes? I think I described all that.

Devil Maria doesn't happen until 2009 or so, and this is taking place in 1888.

EDIT:

Silly, me I forgot that Maria's hair was gray, not pale blue.



< Message edited by lordkaho -- 3/23/2012 4:49:45 >
DF MQ  Post #: 20
3/23/2012 4:50:13   
Glais
Member

I know. Hence it not adding up that I can't picture it.
Not really a fan of the Devil maria design myself. Dat Ears...

@Below:Well...yeah, but they still remind me of bunny ears kind.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 3/23/2012 4:56:40 >
DF MQ  Post #: 21
3/23/2012 4:52:56   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @glaisaurus_x: I think they're more like preying mantis antenna.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 22
3/23/2012 4:58:38   
lordkaho
Creative!


 ^

Or Feeler-like horns for that matter. Though I did have an image of a grass hopper on my head when I designed her.

Anyway, reason why I'm using the older version of Maria is that she got killed way too early in the current time line for me to flesh out what she was before.
This story will at least give some insight at how she was before being kidnappe...I mean borrowed by Kichijo.

DF MQ  Post #: 23
3/23/2012 5:13:13   
Mortarion
Member

I like Jack a lot, perphas instead of him getting killed, you could turn him into one of Kharca's minions
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 24
3/24/2012 1:10:59   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Finale is up.
DF MQ  Post #: 25
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