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Fallen Empire Commentary

 
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11/29/2012 17:31:24   
Hollow Knight
Aequitas


Hi guys! This is my first story here on the L&L, I normally don't share my stories but that is changing I'm going to start with fanfiction the moving to my own universe. In any case here is my first story:


Fallen Empire: Inquisitor Rikudo

It's a star wars fan fiction set in the world of the Old Republic it follows the life in my own eyes of one of my characters in the game, so far I have the prologue can't wait to write more.

AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
11/29/2012 18:10:19   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

The two moons on the planet of Dromund Kaas were visible on the night

during

quote:

a Sith Lord by the name of Darth Mundus well known in the capitol of the Sith Empire<> his power was so great he was even feared by the Dark Council <> any weakness they found would be exploited.

. H, that

quote:

The truth is he did have a weakness, a weakness that could be so easily exploited he could would not be the pawn of the Dark Council games oh no...

was that, , but he, Council's

quote:

Mundus would choose self preservation over his son and his "wife" while he may love them a Sith has no need for love, they would not be his weakness, their pain and suffering would fuel him.

self-preservation, loved, had

quote:

He finally reached his destination and prepared mentally for the deed that he was about to commit<> even for a Sith Lord this was not easy.

;

quote:

He proceeded up the steps of the castle, <> his mind preparing, the reasons he was going to do the unthinkable, his hate towards the council with each step he became stronger; he reached the door, he did not knock he unleashed the force upon the door blowing them open and ignited his Lightsaber, the hum of the sword and his mind was the only thing that he could hear <> he blocked the screams of the servants that his crimson sword was cutting down, no survivors he thought as they would turn on him if the chance presented.

in, justifications he had for doing the unthinkable, hatred towards towards the council became stronger with each step, he reached the doors, he did not knock but simply unleash a force wave which caused them to blow open violently, as

quote:

He finally reached his wife room

wife's

quote:

his son a boy with straight brown hair and golden eyes that marked him as a powerful user of the darkside of the force.

Clearly this is missing a description on what he did in that room.

quote:

He hugged and kisses his wife on the head without hesitation and emotion impaled her on the abdomen his won watched in terror as his mother was killed in front of his very eyes.

kissed, before impaling her on the abdomen without hesitation or emotion as, son

quote:

Darth Mundus approached his son and gripped the hilt of his Light Saber tighter as he prepared to cut down his son, his legacy<> the child was not weak as his mother he feed on her mothers fleeing life force and terror to become stronger and used the force as a defensive mechanism to take away his father lightsaber.

. T, like, he fed on his mother's

A bit vague here, it is clear that the boy disarms his own father yet what happens to the lightsaber? Does he grab it or aimlessly tosses it out of his father's (physical) reach?

quote:

Mundus was astounded as this great feat<> no one has ever been able to remove his lightsaber from his hand<> not even other Sith Lords<> and yet this boy was able to rob him of his weapon.

. No, had, , ,

"this boy" sounds like it is a stranger, which is strange as it is his own son.


A question about the story in general, how did the Dark Council not find out about his family after all those years?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
11/29/2012 18:31:55   
Hollow Knight
Aequitas


Fixed, thank you very much to answer some questions:


quote:

A bit vague here, it is clear that the boy disarms his own father yet what happens to the lightsaber? Does he grab it or aimlessly tosses it out of his father's (physical) reach?


Added on what he did and what he was doing in the room, thanks!

quote:

"this boy" sounds like it is a stranger, which is strange as it is his own son.



I did it on purpose, the Sith Lord abandoned his family, he as a Sith cannot show them love.


quote:

how did the Dark Council not find out about his family after all those years?


Great question. The reason why the normally all seeing Dark Council did not see through Darth Mundus scheme was simply on Darth Mundus well established reputation as a emotionless overlord no one would ever think of thinking him as a family man, not to mention the great length he did to hide his family, Dromund Kaas is unhospitable outside of the city it's too dangerous but to those few able to survive it's the perfect cover but eventually they suspected him he needed to abandon them or be killed.




AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
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