A Hero's Tale (Disscssion)


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A Hero's Tale (Disscssion)

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8/16/2014 9:50:38

Hemabody
Member

Hi everybody , that's the thread where I will disscuss with you my DF Fanfic A Hero's Tale (I know the name is not a creative one , but I couldn't get any better one) , so any issues about my story please contact me from this thread , thank you

AQW

Post #: 1

8/16/2014 13:43:23

afb728
Member

Soooo many commas. Just, so many.

Okay, so you gave some information about Harry's family, but a lot of it is incomplete. Like, does Max have any bearing on the story? I feel like you cut off his part.

I'm going to replace commas with periods.

quote:

... child was born .

quote:

... fighting skills since his very childhood.

Also,

quote:

meeting their his friend

To meet his friend.

quote:

countless

Countless what?

I don't want to only be focusing on grammar, because that's not really a fair thing to attack you on. There is more to a story than grammar.

You gave some background information on the parents and the Brother, gave us an age for Harry (~~Although we don't know how old Rolith is during this story~~. Nevermind, Rolith's 13, I guess.) You set up the next chapter, and we know what the end result of the story is (he's going to save the world.) So you did convey a lot of information, but, as a reader, I want more (elaborate, please), especially if this is an introduction to the story.

I'm interested in reading the next chapter to see where this goes, because, plot-wise, it's not a bad start.

Post #: 2

8/17/2014 6:43:59

Hemabody
Member

Sorry , the first time I write a fanfic (actually the first time I put a story to puplic) , so thank you for showing me my mistakes , I will try not to repeat it

< Message edited by Hemabody -- 8/18/2014 6:19:08 >

AQW

Post #: 3

8/18/2014 10:04:35

afb728
Member

Ok. A lot more plot in this one. Nice.

I do have some confusion. I thought Rolith and Max were the same age. So, is Rolith better friends with Harry because Max is wet blanket, or did I miss something? The reason I'm asking is because 13 year old boys don't like to spend too much time with 8 year olds, in general. (I am leaning toward the wet-blanket theory.)

The dragon is a good development. It seems original and there's a lot of potential with an undead dragon. My final question is: Is Max going to live?

Good work.

Post #: 4

8/18/2014 10:43:57

Hemabody
Member

I will answer your question , but in a spoiler

spoiler:

Yes he will

About the relation of both Henry and Rolith , I will make an edit in Rolith's age so it wouldn't be strange
Edit : I have edited the age , and I made Rolith 10 years instead of 13.

< Message edited by Hemabody -- 8/18/2014 10:46:58 >

AQW

Post #: 5

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